Boards of Canada Stop It

Get A Life!

 

Beard.....Soup

Charlie.....WuLiAnalog

Artie.....BoC Subforum Freak #3

Emcee.....Fred McGriff

Me.....Marcus Eoin

Second Emcee.....mushroom

 

 

 

 

[ open on an exterior shot of the "Holiday Inn" with a sign reading "Welcome BoC fans." ]

 

[ dissolve inside ]

 

[ A sign on the wall reads "16th Annual BoC Convention -- 2016" ]

 

Beard: Charlie! Check this out!

 

Charlie: [ wearing "I Slept by the Campfire Headphase" t-shirt ] Oh, outstanding, man!

 

Beard: Original kaleidoscope, from the Geogaddi release!

 

Charlie: Oh, how much was it?

 

Beard: Six thosund dollars!

 

Charlie: Ohhh.... They got any left?

 

Loudspeaker: Attention BoCies, now available in the Hamilton Room... copies of Hooper Bat. Right now, in the Hamilton Room.

 

Artie: [ making the BoC "gay sign" ] Hey guys!

 

Charlie & Beard: Hey Artie!

 

Artie: How you guys doing on the trivia quiz?

 

Charlie: Aw, since you... hey, you got Michael's middle name?

 

Artie: [ smugly ] Molester!

 

Charlie: Synthesizer used on ROYGBIV?

 

Artie: CS-80!

 

[ Charlie and Beard snicker knowingly to each other. ]

 

Artie: What? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

 

[ more snickers ]

 

Emcee: Attention! Attention! Hello everybody! Welcome to Day 4 of the 16th Annual BoC Convention... Well! ...here in Rye, New York. A few announcements.... Ah... first... ah... a wonderful new... ah... item has just been added to the convention. It's a childhood recording of Marcus banging on the piano!!

 

BoCies: Oooo! Ahhh!

 

Emcee: Yeah! It's a very special item, I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and it's ONLY... seveteen thousand dollars.

 

Secondly, we have some exciting guests at the convention today, so let me introduce them to you right now. First, we have James Cobb. Now you all remember him as the packging and distribution manager for the Warehouse the first distributed copies of Twoism!

 

And next up is Scotty Donglorn, the child who was molested by Marcus during the rcording of MHTRTC!

 

BoCies: [ geekie laughter ]

 

Emcee: Yeah! Well you'll all be able to meet James in the Briar Wing where he'll be signing copies of his new book, "Stop Fucking Calling Me You Freaks"!

 

And finally, the man you've all been waiting for, this is his first BoC convention in quite a long time, I know he's thrilled to be here, Marcus Eoin! [ Marcus walks to the podium. ] Now Marcus is here to field a few questions so just fire away!

 

BoCies: Mr. Eoin, Mr. Eoin!

 

Marcus Eoin: Alright, the first question, uh, go ahead!

 

Charlie: Yeah! Okay, um, when you were gonna arrange the third drum beat on "Seward Leaf", why did you choose that hi-hat instead of the one from the second beat, you see, because the second beat-

 

Marcus Eoin: Uh... the hi-hat on the third beat?

 

Charlie: Yeah!

 

Marcus Eoin: Um... you gotta give me a context, see, cause it's 20 years and it's a long time...

 

Charlie: Yeah, the one that goes, bd-ch-ch-bd-rest-rest-bd-sd-ch-ch-ch ...?

 

Marcus Eoin: [ smiling ] Oh oh, yeah right, I remember, okay uh... what's the question?

 

Charlie: Well um, I was wondering if you could settle a bet for me and my friends, okay? Um, like, when you... um, chose that hi-hat, was it because the norotiously fickle S950 broke down so you had to use the had you had on your S5000?

 

Marcus Eoin: [ lengthy pause, incredulous expression ] I-I-I don't know! I mean, it's been a long time! I, uh... I don't know that! Uh, okay?

 

Charlie: [ disappointed ] Okay! Okay!

 

Marcus Eoin: Anybody? Oh, all right, go ahead! You? Go ahead! You in the funny shirt!

 

Artie: [ wearing home-made Film Boards of Canada shirt ] Okay! Another bet... okay... in your studio... alright? How many modified Yamaha synthesizers do you have?

 

Marcus Eoin: Uh... 34.

 

Artie: Wait, wait... is that including the CS-01 that was broke earlier this week?

 

Marcus Eoin: [ stunned pause ] That synth is broken?

 

Artie: Tuesday! Michael said so while I was tapping your phones!

 

Marcus Eoin: Well I... guess it's 33 then!

 

Artie: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [ congratulated by his friends ]

 

Marcus Eoin: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the yBeard, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just some trip hop! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little sub genre, that we did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!

 

[ a crowd of shocked and dismayed BoCies.... ]

 

I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?

 

[ to "Beard" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?

 

[ "Beard" hangs his head ]

 

I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't just listen to the same album 147 times trying to discern what sound stupid, mangled to hell vocal was really saying! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a trip hop dammit, IT'S JUST TRIP HOP!

 

Charlie: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to Hell Interface?

 

Marcus Eoin: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... I mean, I really can't understand what's....

 

[ Emcee argues with Eoin off-mike, shoves him, Eoin shoves back harder.... ]

 

Second Emcee: Uh... that was Marcus Eoin, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you BoCies that we have some fine refreshments from athe 70's... Coke, Diet Coke, Tab, I believe. We....

 

[ Meanwhile, Emcee waves the contract in front of Eoin, who then reluctantly returns to the podium.... ]

 

Marcus Eoin: Of course, that speech was a "re-creation" of the "Evil Marcus and Michael" from um... casette, um... [ Emcee whispers ] Alpha Quest... uhh... track name is called... [ another whisper ] "The Enemy Within."

 

[ BoCies get happy, applaud ]

 

Marcus Eoin: Yuh, Yuh, so thank you...

 

[ BoCies make BoCian "gay sign".... ]

 

[ fade out ]

not sure what's worse, people obsessing over boc or people obsessing over why people are obsessed with boc? I'm pretty sure you just put more thought, energy and inanity into your single post than any boc nerd ever has, so congrats I guess

not sure what's worse, people obsessing over boc or people obsessing over why people are obsessed with boc or boc people obsessing over why people obsessing over boccians who are obsessed over boc, ? I'm pretty ...so congrats to me i guess

This thread is a certified lol

  ten fingers ten toes said:

Beard.....Soup

lmfao

yeah i was loling all over this one.

you should make a radio play out of it

  o00o said:

you should make a radio play out of it

oh, oh oh can i be marcus?

Jeez young'uns...

 

TFTT - nice work transforming that SNL skit...:)

Hahaha yah, did anyone here not realize this was William Shatner's "Get a Life" skit from SNL, in regards to Trekkies?

  ten fingers ten toes said:

Hahaha yah, did anyone here not realize this was William Shatner's "Get a Life" skit from SNL, in regards to Trekkies?

 

These are BoC fanboiz, don't expect intelligence.

 

Also, no I didn't.

I did after a second skim-through. Therefore, I am special.