A poem about being buried underground

Its definitely up there with the cheesiest things I have made, but I think it has some interesting aural textures.

bury yourself

don't have permission to open it

says: "Sorry, but you do not have permission to use this feature. If you are not logged in, you may do so using the form below if available."

even though i'm logged in

same here

yuo b0rked interwebs

OK ay lets try this again

agrgrh my initial mistake has lost any audience

SATAN!!!

BLACK MASS!!!

HELL!!!

Would anyone recommend that I extend and elaborate this little piece...and maybe layer more speech, as well as damage it beyond comprehension? Because right now I sense a higher potential in this. Maybe something epic. I'm not sure. But I feel like I'm on to something...

nice and dark this one. i wouldn't say it's cheesy...although i wasn't paying attention to what was being spoken throughout... i never really pay attention to lyrics etc. do you mean to damage it gradually as it progresses? if so, i think that's a pretty cool idea.

nice grim atmos,...but short, to short to progres, i think. and where's the cheese in it then?

cheers :)