World's Worst Splashback

I went to take my morning dump. It felt like my usual business of two or three gooey logs, and I had no reason to doubt this, as yesterday I ate reasonably and drank no booze. I sat down and gave the push required for this... but I was in for a surprise.

It turns out, what felt like my normal product was really the world's best-disguised poo cork. My mighty bowels, expecting to push something ten times the size, shot it out and high velocity. Before it'd even had time to register -- I was still pushing -- it was immediately followed by a tsunami of brown wheaties water. It hit hard and hit everywhere; the sides of the bowl acting like some sort of parabolic poo reflector, hosing my noble cheeks. I had just taken a shower fifteen minutes before.

I need you in this difficult time, WATMM. Hold me.

LOL. I always drop a shit-ticket into the bowl before I get going to eliminate Poseidon's Revenge/Neptune's Kiss.

LOL. Should of been in to a cup. I would of watched that!

  Computer said:

LOL. Should of been in to a cup. I would of watched that!

i would have shattered it

the level of coprophila on watmm is astounding!

yeah, but in a healthy way!

You could lay down a protective layer of toilet tissue on the surface of the toilet water to absorb the blunt of the impact force, thereby reducing the amount of unnecessary liquid on your buttcheeks.

  Gary C said:

LOL. I always drop a shit-ticket into the bowl before I get going to eliminate Poseidon's Revenge/Neptune's Kiss.

  Capsaicin said:

You could lay down a protective layer of toilet tissue on the surface of the toilet water to absorb the blunt of the impact force, thereby reducing the amount of unnecessary liquid on your buttcheeks.

what these guys said. schoolboy error.

  Idrn said:

  Gary C said:

LOL. I always drop a shit-ticket into the bowl before I get going to eliminate Poseidon's Revenge/Neptune's Kiss.

 

 

  Capsaicin said:

You could lay down a protective layer of toilet tissue on the surface of the toilet water to absorb the blunt of the impact force, thereby reducing the amount of unnecessary liquid on your buttcheeks.

 

what these guys said. schoolboy error.

  Capsaicin said:

You could lay down a protective layer of toilet tissue on the surface of the toilet water to absorb the blunt of the impact force, thereby reducing the amount of unnecessary liquid on your buttcheeks.

that would never have saved my ass from itself, not at that velocity.

A friend of mine didnt make the toilet and hosed an arc of brown water over his bathroom wall. Funny, but so easy to empathise.

morning dump? jeez, i poop like once every three days. and i drink coffee.

i poop like once every three hours

I wonder if Joyrex will ever add a tagline for this site.

"WATMM come here to talk about shit"

I poop everytime my mouth opens, but thats because my liver is fucked.

put a couple of sheets in the shitter prior to the act to buffer the pressure

  Gary C said:

.... to eliminate Poseidon's Revenge/Neptune's Kiss

hahahahhahahahha

you made me lol there

always shit before shower, hence if splashback etc, you just wash it off, and continue with your day like nothing happened.

Otherwise your stuck either needing another shower, or feeling like you should have taken another shower, the rest of the day....

It's Shit, Shower, and Shave in that order.

thats why you poop before showring

i've had splashback come up between my legs and get me in the nose before. shit tickets are my business now. it's like shitting onto a little fluffy mattress.

Be thankful that this occurred in the safety of your own household