My coffee machine is haunted;

It's the strangest thing. When I make coffee, the machine hisses at me. When I wake up in the morning, sometimes the coffee has already been made. I walk up in my drowsy state of confusion and pause, looking at it. The black stuff just sits there, waiting.

My theory is that someone was murdered and hidden in a pile of columbian coffee. Maybe a drug exchange gone horribly wrong. The body decomposed in the coffee, and then the beans were bagged and shipped. Once I ground up the beans, and then made coffee with them, the body's spirit transferred into the coffee machine and ever since, it has been haunted.

Do you sleep walk? I woke up in my bathroom this morning while I was taking a piss. I don't remember walking out to my bathroom.

Timer.

Ah yeah. Timer. Totally forgot about that.

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