The Panic Button

You all know this device well I think. This must have been a fucking joke. Some engineer won the lottery and was all like "Well fuck man I don't really care about my job now... what can I do as a parting joke?" so he fuckin thought real hard and this is the shit he came up with:

What the fuck? He even called it the fucking PANIC button! This guy was probably pissing himself laughing and thinking "wow I can't wait to see what the boss says when he fires me for this shit" and what happens? Congratulations sir, we are now incorporating this into all car keys from now on.

What the fuck is the point of this button? Its only purpose is to cause panic, because fuck yeah I am going to be panicked when I pull into the garage and try to carry my handful of stuff to the house, only to be punished for my rediculous decision to multitask with a ceaseless barrage of the most startling type of sound possible.

I mean seriously who the fuck presses that shit when they are panicking? Yeah when I start freaking out it really helps me calm down and keep my cool if there is an obscenely loud airhorn repeatedly going off right beside me.

The worst part is it usually startles you enough to either drop the keys, or lose your grip on them, or best case scenario just stand there dazed for a few seconds before you realize that this trauma can be dispelled by pressing that little tiny, Fucking HIDDEN button.

What?

thread of the year....my vote goes to this.

so true.

There was a panic button on a random wall at the theater I used to work at that didn't do shit. No matter how many times I pushed it, I could never get anyone to panic.

I used to work in the ticket booth of a theater. It was boring as hell.

I would park outside on the street in plain view from the booth. One day an idea dawned on me.

I would wait for couples, kids, old people, whomever, to be walking past my car on the way to the restaurant next door. Then, with my hand underneat the counter I was seated at, I would wait for the exact moment that they're right by the front of the car and press the panic button.

Fucking hilarious. Never got old.

Haha, I used to always do that at restaurants with huge glass windows in the front. Sit in the front and wait for people to walk by my car.

  Braintree said:

There was a panic button on a random wall at the theater I used to work at that didn't do shit. No matter how many times I pushed it, I could never get anyone to panic.

Actually, that button was the solitary toggle between locking and unlocking all doors and windows into and out of the venue. You must have just always pushed it an even number of times so that it rested in the 'unlock' position.

That button was solely responsible for one of the ugliest nights ever to occur in that theatre.

lol

I hate this button. I have taken a penny (NOTE: metal circle that denotes 1/100th of a unit of my country's currency) and electrical taped it over the recessed panic button area. The robust and un-accidentally-pushability of the penny prevents me from triggering the panic button.

i think the panic button is for women in the process of being raped in the backseat or something.

must be useful for something aside from jokes?

it would have been better for the geek in all of us if it was a "Don't Panic" button