fucking salsa

you know, i'm getting real sick of salsa brands labelling their salsa as HOT all over the bottle.

HOT HOT

HOT WARNING HOT

HOT

and then pasting some tantalizing writeup about the salsa and it's tongue sizzling properties..

only to buy it, bring it home, then discover the shit is completely weak. we're talking not even break a sweat weak. fuck kroger and their weakling salsas, only decent thing i've found was mrs. renfros' habanero salsa, which is delicious but i'd love to try something packing more heat. order it online maybe?

weaksalsa

make your own, dog!

i get heartburn. i feel like such a fag.

  essines said:

i get heartburn. i feel like such a fag.

dude that must really suck.

  Al Hounos said:

make your own, dog!

i don't know how :( i've really only been going salsa crazy lately, over the past 2 years. never ate it as young kid, and didn't think much of it through HS, college, etc..

what's the premise for making salsa? tomato puree + tomatoes + spices + hot ass peppers? simmering? fuck im a terrible cook.

  fiznuthian said:

  essines said:

i get heartburn. i feel like such a fag.

 

dude that must really suck.

yeah, ketchup and coffee give me awesome heartburn and i love them both. even medium salsa will do it. and i love spicy. nothing insane but something to wake my mouth up. fuck it though, i eat it cause shit is good.

i can't eat hot wings and truly enjoy them and that is a kick in the nuts. drinking beer in a pub with a plate of hot wings while watching the game is what life is all about but i can't eat the fucking wings, fuck my life. it's like fucking and then pulling out before you finish and going to sleep, dreaming of finishing off all night.

you can make it from scratch, but you could also just buy it and kick it up with some hot sauce.

i usually get a box that has 2 or 3 different bottles in it. one had chipotle, jalapeño, and habanero. these are just pure liquid, like tabasco, and you just add a few drops. they are awesome to have around for making bloody marys also.

habanero is pretty intense, but i like chipotle a lot because it has a good flavor not just heat.

  essines said:

  fiznuthian said:

  essines said:

i get heartburn. i feel like such a fag.

 

dude that must really suck.

 

yeah, ketchup and coffee give me awesome heartburn and i love them both. even medium salsa will do it. and i love spicy. nothing insane but something to wake my mouth up. fuck it though, i eat it cause shit is good.

 

i can't eat hot wings and truly enjoy them and that is a kick in the nuts. drinking beer in a pub with a plate of hot wings while watching the game is what life is all about but i can't eat the fucking wings, fuck my life. it's like fucking and then pulling out before you finish and going to sleep, dreaming of finishing off all night.

for real, i mean.. reals emotion here.. i can't imagine how horrible that must be.

i enjoy spicy food ALL THE TIME, so much so i just can't fathom having to suffer nights everytime i indulged. jesus fucking christ i would never be able to do it.

do you know the cause? a doctor know?

yeah, making from scratch is fun but it's fine to just dump some good habanero hot sauce in some store-bought salsa.

  Al Hounos said:

yeah, making from scratch is fun but it's fine to just dump some good habanero hot sauce in some store-bought salsa.

hm, shit.. why didn't i think of this. great post! solved my problem entirely. by the way, that mrs. renfros habanero salsa is good. it's not supremely hot until you've ate a lot of it, truly a creeper salsa. you'll go through a good bit of the jar and then suddenly it hits you, a nice suprise after a tasty snacking session.

edit: glasse, i find habanero has a delicious flavor to it.. more so than jalapeno and chile peppers

  fiznuthian said:

  essines said:

  fiznuthian said:

  essines said:

i get heartburn. i feel like such a fag.

 

dude that must really suck.

 

yeah, ketchup and coffee give me awesome heartburn and i love them both. even medium salsa will do it. and i love spicy. nothing insane but something to wake my mouth up. fuck it though, i eat it cause shit is good.

 

i can't eat hot wings and truly enjoy them and that is a kick in the nuts. drinking beer in a pub with a plate of hot wings while watching the game is what life is all about but i can't eat the fucking wings, fuck my life. it's like fucking and then pulling out before you finish and going to sleep, dreaming of finishing off all night.

 

for real, i mean.. reals emotion here.. i can't imagine how horrible that must be.

i enjoy spicy food ALL THE TIME, so much so i just can't fathom having to suffer nights everytime i indulged. jesus fucking christ i would never be able to do it.

 

do you know the cause? a doctor know?

Not completely sure. Doctors just call it acid reflux and prescribe some nice antacids which tend to help a bit, but not if i'm faced with a direct injection of acids or spicyness. Could be an ulcer or something, i have recently considered asking for better diagnostics cause it sucks. I can't even drink coffee that easily, or alcohol. At least it stops me from drinking fruit juice though.

if you do make it from scratch don't forget the cilantro.

I love mrs. refros mango habanero salsa, so delicious. chips and salsa is one of my favorite munchie foods. plus scrambled eggs w/ salsa and cheese... damn I'm hungry

  Hautlle said:

I love mrs. refros mango habanero salsa, so delicious. chips and salsa is one of my favorite munchie foods. plus scrambled eggs w/ salsa and cheese... damn I'm hungry

word, mrs. renfros!

  fiznuthian said:

  Hautlle said:

I love mrs. refros mango habanero salsa, so delicious. chips and salsa is one of my favorite munchie foods. plus scrambled eggs w/ salsa and cheese... damn I'm hungry

 

word, mrs. renfros!

mrs. renfros is great

  beneboi said:

  fiznuthian said:

  Hautlle said:

I love mrs. refros mango habanero salsa, so delicious. chips and salsa is one of my favorite munchie foods. plus scrambled eggs w/ salsa and cheese... damn I'm hungry

 

word, mrs. renfros!

 

mrs. renfros is great

I'll have to try some, I'm also sick of this bullshit salsa bullshit.

you can't get much more hotter than a proper habanero salsa

  lion said:

since i am a gourmand i demand the best. in the quest of finding the best foods tonight i decided to make myself "the worlds best salsa"

 

this is a recipe i devised last moment, i was making an indian influenced braised lamb dish when i discovered i had the ingredients to make salsa, as well as chips. three bags of chips, and a 12 pack of diet coke.

 

ingredients:

 

eight or so organic plum tomatoes on the vine

two organic jalapenos (u can substitute different peppers depending how spicy u want, two good organically grown jalapenos made it a spice that was good balance)

1 medium anaheim chili

half a red onion

two small limes or a lime and 1/2

two cloves garlic

one clove shallot

half a bushel or whatever the fuck that is of cilantro

a tbsp or two of toasted sesame oil

tbsp of good sea or kosher salt

tsp of sugar

 

Technique:

 

Tomatoes

*start water boiling in a sauce pot. as the water heats up throw the vines of the tomatoes into the pot (the tomato aroma comes from the vine. smell it and u will be amazed) let it come to a nice rolling bowl.

*as it boils prepare a bowl of ice water

*pour a diet coke in a glass with extra ice

*once boiling put tomatoes in it for about 3 minutes or so. take out tomatoes and put in ice bath

*take out of ice bath and peel skins off of tomato. cut in half and scoop out all seeds and goop and shit in tomato into a bowl. reserve this liquid

*pulse tomatoes without skins/seeds/juice in a small food processor until it forms a nice paste. set aside

 

Peppers, Garlic, Shallots

*Drain water out of sauce pot, dry it, and use that or use a saute pan if u want

*coat bottom of pan with toasted sesame oil. u want to use toasted sesame because it adds a nice savory toasted flavor to the salsa. do not use too much oil u just want enough to coat the bottom of the pan

*cut off tops of peppers, cut peppers in half, remove seeds/inner membrane. lay skins out on pan so they cook evenly on both sides

*rough dice shallot if u have a food processor, if not fine dice it

*same with garlic

*pour 2nd diet coke and shadow box in the kitchen

*once peppers are about halfway done being nicely toasted but not burnt, add garlic and shallot to pan

*saute until fragrant but not brown

*finish peppers, garlic, and shallot in food processor until chunky but not paste, or just fine dice the peppers

*add to tomatoes

 

Finish It

*small dice half the onion, add to tomatoes

*chop cilantro to how u desire, add to bowl

*finish diet coke and clutch your stomach

*squeeze limes into bowl

*finish with sugar and salt

*add tomato liquor to bowl if u want to adjust moisture. its good tomato flavor. (a good joke to play on your cat is to sip the bowl and scream "AHH!! IM DRUNK!" and then explain the how the stuff in the bowl is called liquor, so they dont think u are a light weight)

*mix it well let the flavors blend. let it rest

 

Eat The Salsa

Enjoy it

 

____End Of Recipe____

 

who here thinks they have a salsa recipe that can beat mine? that's just stupid. lets see what you have. i give this salsa to ppl and they freak out. this is a wonderful salsa because it has nice balance of flavors. there is a delicious savory note added to the dish from the toasting of the peppers, garlic, and shallot, and from the flavored oil. the sweetness from the sugar? fantastic. *throws a quick kick at the fridge door and closes it* the limes add good tartness... a sour note. make my recipe and tell me what u think.

 

thanks for reading

meh.. just put a bunch of stuff in a with some chile of whatever type you like and water in a blender.