joke thread

i made a real side splitter up today

"why did the guy peel the banana ?"

"because it had a-peel"

There was a 'stupid joke' thread a couple of days ago...

Not that I'm calling your joke stupid...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that Are you crazy??" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

"And from that moment.....we have lived happily every after."

A man walks into a bar. He is wearing a horse mask and orders three drinks. An Arnold Palmer, a Whiskey Soda with ice and an ice cold beer. He puts his right hand into his pocket and lights up a cigarette. He is holding the cigarette with his left hand and he pulls his right hand out of the pocket quickly in betweeen so he can handle the lighter properly. The bartender replies

Dude walks into a library and asks for a book on Suicide.

What's brown and sits on a piano bench?

lol ^^