Wanks

Right, so I had two wanks today, and both were interrupted by phonecalls.

The first phonecall was from my parents, very off-putting. The second phonecall was from the girl I was wanking over. Much more welcome, that one was. Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

Delivery man turned up mid stroke for me yesterday, it was shit. Then my mum rang.

I never concluded the wank.

  ezkerraldean said:

Right, so I had two wanks today, and both were interrupted by phonecalls.

The first phonecall was from my parents, very off-putting. The second phonecall was from the girl I was wanking over. Much more welcome, that one was. Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

Should have told her, "about 5.5 inches!"

  Joyrex said:

  ezkerraldean said:

Right, so I had two wanks today, and both were interrupted by phonecalls.

The first phonecall was from my parents, very off-putting. The second phonecall was from the girl I was wanking over. Much more welcome, that one was. Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

 

Should have told her, "12.5 inches!"

fixt

  IRARI said:

  Joyrex said:

  ezkerraldean said:

Right, so I had two wanks today, and both were interrupted by phonecalls.

The first phonecall was from my parents, very off-putting. The second phonecall was from the girl I was wanking over. Much more welcome, that one was. Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

 

Should have told her, "12.5 inches!"

 

fixt

And how would you know that? :angry:

  Joyrex said:

  IRARI said:

  Joyrex said:

  ezkerraldean said:

Right, so I had two wanks today, and both were interrupted by phonecalls.

The first phonecall was from my parents, very off-putting. The second phonecall was from the girl I was wanking over. Much more welcome, that one was. Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

 

Should have told her, "12.5 inches!"

 

fixt

 

And how would you know that? :angry:

i got mind control over ezkerraldean. he be like shut the fuck up. i be quiet! but when he leave, i be talkin' again!

*interrupts wank*

  ezkerraldean said:

Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

you told her you were wanking over your mum and not her?

reminds me of that sketch from that not okayish show where two old friends bump into each other and he goes "fancy bumping into you! i was actually gonna have a wank over you when i get home! now i know what you look like these days" or something like that

i only wank stood up these days

i got a phonecall from the girl i was wanking over once and i finished myself off it was great

sometimes i interrupt my own wanks, it's so erotic you wouldn't believe.

Try this if you are curious:

if you have a DAW (cubase etc) move the cursor or whatever to around 5-8 minutes and start recording your voice.

Say something like "Oh! I'm sorry, i didn't know you would be in here. What's that youre doing? Why are your pants unfastened? ...... Maybe you would like a hand with that..... ooooohh that's a nice dick you've got there *insert your own name here* I hope i haven't embarrassed you.... shoot your load onto your own stomach, please us both! I live for your glue. We are one...

and so forth

This way you can just start your track running when you begin the session and about 8 minutes in ,you can give yourself a helping hand.

  Rambo said:

sometimes i interrupt my own wanks, it's so erotic you wouldn't believe.

 

Try this if you are curious:

 

if you have a DAW (cubase etc) move the cursor or whatever to around 5-8 minutes and start recording your voice.

 

Say something like "Oh! I'm sorry, i didn't know you would be in here. What's that youre doing? Why are your pants unfastened? ...... Maybe you would like a hand with that..... ooooohh that's a nice dick you've got there *insert your own name here* I hope i haven't embarrassed you.... shoot your load onto your own stomach, please us both! I live for your glue. We are one...

 

and so forth

 

This way you can just start your track running when you begin the session and about 8 minutes in ,you can give yourself a helping hand.

Shit, I'm going to have Flagpole Sitta stuck in my head for an hour now.

  Joyrex said:

No, it's brilliant. Especially if you toss a pitch shifter into your plugin chain.

once i did a field recording in a nearby bar and added that to my track. I called it 'meating myself (late night mix)' . In this scene i was playing hard to get, and of course eventually, i get to have sex with myself. That's the beauty of this, it always ends well. Just start your wank and then let the convo flow - nothing could be more natural.

  ezkerraldean said:

Right, so I had two wanks today, and both were interrupted by phonecalls.

The first phonecall was from my parents, very off-putting. The second phonecall was from the girl I was wanking over. Much more welcome, that one was. Although I did have to lie when she asked what I was up to.

Oh my lol, post this on fmylife.com or something!

  Benedict Cumberbatch said:

i only wank stood up these days

I've only done it not standing up maybe 2 or 3 times in my life.

Standing up feels better for some reason.

it's supposed to be good for for your health, so they say