The Keltoi Thread

I intend for this thread to serve as a central location for all discussion and debate pertaining to Keltoi. Think of it as a messageboard within a messageboard. There's so much varying information, rumors and innuendo circulating about, it's time we confine the discussion to one place so that we can separate fact from fiction.

I'll take the lead, but I would appreciate all the help you guys can give. The more we participate as a community, the richer this resource will be. Without further ado:

The Keltoi Thread

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Keltoi Facts

• Keltoi is composed of between between 55% and 78% water, depending on the number of babies he's kissed in the prior 48 hours.
• Keltoi is right handed, but uses his left to perform most bathroom tasks.
• 'Keltoi' is correctly pronounced \ˈdüsh\

Keltoi Image Archive

Keltoi's hands

• Keltoi has immaculate fingernails
• During Keltoi's early teens he suffered from severe indigestion and was noted for his boney hands
• For those who believe in palm reading: Keltoi has an exceptionally strong life line and a curiously misshapen destiny line
• During his lifetime, Keltoi has punched 2 women and 1 child (accidental)

Keltois feet

• It is rumoured that keltoi has only 3 feet.
• They are webbed and he has been sited gliding from cliftops towards the open ocean using them as guides.
• His webbed feet allow him to walk accross water but only if it contains fish.
• He has 6 toes on his right foot and 7 on his left, this is to maintain balance.

keltoi sounds like a bit of an inbred

Keltoi masturbates in bread

a little known fact is that keltoi's ankles are made of moss.

Keltoi: separating fact from myth

Here i unravel popular myths about Keltoi.

• Keltoi was never in Cuba, at any point during his formative years, contrary to the Smith-Jacobs report
• Keltoi owns 1 harp, 3 guitars and an extensive selection of Druid-inspired percussive instruments.
• He has no woodwind instruments, nor has he ever claimed to play this category of musical instrument
• Keltoi did not lose consciousness during the 'Black Swan fire' and was not saved by school children. He made his own way out before the building was properly alight.
• Contrary to urban legend, Keltoi was described as 'an exceptional, introverted, handsome student' by his high school Head teacher Miss Gweckenstoff.
• Keltoi can discern shapes.

i've been to cuba.

apart from that you're all right.

i don't know what to say. let's meet and fuck and touch balls

keltoi's ball facts

• keltoi's 3 balls are all left testicles
• 2 of keltoi's balls are completely hairless
• the other has the hair coverage of 3 normal balls
• keltoi's balls produce on average 1ml of semen per month
• 1ml of keltoi's ball's semen contains on average 1 healthy sperm
• keltoi's ball's semen's healthy sperm swim clockwise
• keltoi's balls hang (from left to right respectively) 3 inches, 2 inches and 12 inches

his father is as stubborn as he is

  Benedict Cumberbatch said:

keltoi's ball facts

• keltoi's 3 balls are all left testicles
• 2 of keltoi's balls are completely hairless
• the other has the hair coverage of 3 normal balls
• keltoi's balls produce on average 1ml of semen per month
• 1ml of keltoi's ball's semen contains on average 1 healthy sperm
• keltoi's ball's semen's healthy sperm swim clockwise
• keltoi's balls hang (from left to right respectively) 3 inches, 2 inches and 12 inches

you know it bitch!

his party trick is using his balls as anal beads on himself

bitch knows it ^

etymology

Keltoi is derived from the latin world Kwelthip, meaning fiery lord of unquantifiable rage. "Toi" is Druidspeak for marmalade hammock which is in turn derived from the ancient Druid ritual of the hammock sandwich.

am i being raped watmm style?

keltoi is infact keith urban

  Benedict Cumberbatch said:

keltoi is infact keith urban

Who is, in reality, just Garth Brooks in a wig.

i like you benedict cumberbatch.

there i said it.

contrary to rumour of a laser nubbin, keltoi actually has a fourth nubbin, or quartubbin, which is actually capable of secreting a highly concentrated laguerre-guassian zettawatt ray.

i'm enjoying being raped btw. please continue.

but yea he's stubborn like his father

i won't say what he learnt from his mother :angry:

:embrassed:

  keltoi said:

i'm enjoying being raped btw. please continue.

 

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

NO! NO! please stop!

 

this is the highest accolade of affection

  keltoi said:

am i being raped watmm style?

No no no, that would be like getting raped by IRARI/beneboi/weed. This is getting raped Rambo style, this sort of rape goes down anywhere, even with the cops.

ok maybe i'll say what he learnt from his mother