Using Public (or work) Restrooms

I was in the bathroom taking a much-needed dump after my Mexican enchilada lunch, and I hear the knock at the door (no, not my ass) - and in heavily-accented ingles:

"Jello? Ez anybohdee dere? Cleeneeng Surveece. Jello?"

So, rather than politely respond in Spanish that yes, the bathroom did have lone occupant, I quickly lifted my legs up and propped my feet onto the stall wall, thus concealing my presence, and remained silent. I had yet to release my load at this point.

Did I mention the cleaning staff was female?

So, I hear some plastic bags rustle, and shuffling of feet, and through the crack in the stall door, I could see it was an older Latina, who started by wiping down the counter around the sinks. At this point I am literally bursting from both ends (with laughter and with the increasing pressure on my sphincter that having my feet up produced), trying to contain myself.

Suddenly, without warning, I convulsively burst out laughing, trying to contain it (like when you try and hold a laugh in and it bursts out), but at the same time, erupt down below with a force and fury like I had never experienced, sending a stream of semi-liquid shit cannonballing into the bowl, with nice farty sounds escaping and echoing. Even though it happened in a matter of a few seconds, it seemed like an eternity, and I quickly focused on the crack in the door to see what my victim's reaction was.

She had left everything where it was, with a rag still on the counter, and I could hear the door closing. I silently giggled to myself, barely able to contain myself each time another round of ass cannonballs decided to fire off.

After it was over, I then focused on the new problem - how to get out of there unseen - the woman could be waiting for me outside, and I know I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye if that was the case.

Then, opportunity struck - another employee came in, stepped over the cleaning supplies left scattered in the restroom, and prepared to use the urinal - his mistake was inhaling deeply to cough up some phlegm, and I heard him half-gag at my stench. I almost lost it again with laughter.

I quickly got up, did my pants and belt, and exited the stall as he was flushing, and proceeded to wash my hands, fully taking in the chaos of the scene in the bathroom. I didn't even hear the mop handle that had hit the floor in her wake (I guess I was shitting or laughing too hard). I then exited first, and thankfully nobody was outside waiting.

I plan on doing this again if at all possible.

hahahahahaha, if that happened to me i might have a heart attack due to sheer awkwardness.

  theSun said:

hahahahahaha, if that happened to me i might have a heart attack due to sheer awkwardness.

being the victim? or being the assailant?

should have raped her

You're so fucking racist; unable to comfortably shit in front of 'the other'.

You have to flush your urinals? What is this, the 20th century?

thats seriously funny, watmm has the best shit related stories, but surely she would of seen the guy walk in and when seeing you walk out know it was you?

  Iain C said:

You have to flush your urinals? What is this, the 20th century?

Not all urinals in the US have motion-sensing flush. I'm sure the bog in your job (you do work, right?) probably doesn't have one either.

  funkaholic said:

thats seriously funny, watmm has the best shit related stories, but surely she would of seen the guy walk in and when seeing you walk out know it was you?

Well, that's true, but at least if I walk out with somebody, there's less chance of a confrontation. As it were, she wasn't there, probably too horrified by what she heard.

she was probably hanging herself in the storage closet. you don't get over trauma like that.

  theSun said:

she was probably hanging herself in the storage closet. you don't get over trauma like that.

Indeed!

I think while reading I burst out laughing in a similar manner to which you described

A+ story

lol

i have learned the cleaning staff's schedule so depending on the time of day that opportunity knocks, there's no chance of a walk-in / rushed exit

you should leave this story open on your desktop when she's about to walk past you

lol...

I myself have worked many cleaning jobs, and it is considered proper and professional to ask if anyone's in there of course. If no one replies i always check first to make sure before cleaning or leaving my supplies on the ground. In fact a lot of companies will fire you for leaving your cleaning supplies un-attended, especially if children are in the vicinity as they could open them up and drink them easily if curious. People can also steal stuff, mostly paper towels from your supply box. So bad form on her part. Also if someone mysteriously appears in the bathroom and sees you working you quietly exit with your supplies and go somewhere out of sight for about 5 minutes and do something else and return (with a knock at the door announcing your presence) and pick back up where you left off.

I understand why you may have not said it was occupied as this tends to be embarrassing for a lot of people, so she should have checked first, even if you don't see feet if the door doesn't open that usually means occupied, and its honestly not hard to hear someone shuffling around unless they've had ninja training. Most "professional" cleaners understand that some people just don't have the option of finding another toilet due to an emergency bm and quickly do everything to get out of sight, as this is typically very appreciated by the people you are working for and makes your company look good.

In light of all this though, cleaning isn't exactly revered well by most people performing such jobs and therefore "professional behavior" is likely a rarity as most people don't care and just want to get through the day as fast as possible.

  Brandi_B said:

lol...

 

I myself have worked many cleaning jobs, and it is considered proper and professional to ask if anyone's in there of course. If no one replies i always check first to make sure before cleaning or leaving my supplies on the ground. In fact a lot of companies will fire you for leaving your cleaning supplies un-attended, especially if children are in the vicinity as they could open them up and drink them easily if curious. People can also steal stuff, mostly paper towels from your supply box. So bad form on her part. Also if someone mysteriously appears in the bathroom and sees you working you quietly exit with your supplies and go somewhere out of sight for about 5 minutes and do something else and return (with a knock at the door announcing your presence) and pick back up where you left off.

 

I understand why you may have not said it was occupied as this tends to be embarrassing for a lot of people, so she should have checked first, even if you don't see feet if the door doesn't open that usually means occupied, and its honestly not hard to hear someone shuffling around unless they've had ninja training. Most "professional" cleaners understand that some people just don't have the option of finding another toilet due to an emergency bm and quickly do everything to get out of sight, as this is typically very appreciated by the people you are working for and makes your company look good.

 

In light of all this though, cleaning isn't exactly revered well by most people performing such jobs and therefore "professional behavior" is likely a rarity as most people don't care and just want to get through the day as fast as possible.

Fucking LOL, you're right - why didn't she bother checking the doors - she could have opened my stall door, and I could have exploded right there in plain view! damn!

And I was very, very quiet - I even held my belt buckle so the metal wouldn't clank together when I put my feet up.

lol Joyrex forgot 2 wipe lol

lol

  encey said:

lol Joyrex forgot 2 wipe lol

 

lol

No, I did - I just didn't elaborate on it. But, since you asked:

fold method, from front-to-back

Apparently my technique was all wrong:

joyrex in the wonderland

You are a horrible person

is that actually a sign in your workplace?

  Joyrex said:

  Iain C said:

You have to flush your urinals? What is this, the 20th century?

 

Not all urinals in the US have motion-sensing flush. I'm sure the bog in your job (you do work, right?) probably doesn't have one either.

I work sometimes. The urinals at the hospital where I sometimes work were seemingly installed in the 1970s and don't have any flush mechanism, automatic or otherwise... just a drain. Actually, the vast majority of urinals in the UK are like this.

Although I don't have to work for a couple of weeks because my bank gave me a £500 overdraft extension today. Yes!

Some people say it is better to crap with your feet on the lid and your legs touching your chest/abdomen.