reforming the UK

How I’d have the UK if/when I seize power:

1 – Federalise the UK. Give Scot/Welsh/NI parliaments equal power, divide England up into 7-8 entities with similar parliaments with equal power. Name the regions after the ancient celtic/saxon/norse kingdoms, because celts/saxons/vikings are awesome. Brings the government closer to the people, innit. That would destroy England as a political entity, but I don’t really see why politics should have any link with culture, just like it shouldn’t have any links with religion. Make London a federal territory or something. Fully integrate into the EU. Europeans have funny music and talk weird. What’s not to like?

2 – Strip the military way, way back, and stop being a world player in politics. We really don’t need the trouble. Sure, owning one of the world’s few bluewater navies is pretty impressive, but I see no reason for us to bother with that kind of shit. Norway doesn’t have a global military presence but it’s still a pretty decent country, right? Retain a small defence force like Ireland has. Or maybe place the bulk of the military in the hands of the UN for peacekeeping stuff. Definitely keep our reputation of having a particularly well-trained armed forces, though. Quality over quantity, what what? Flog our excess hardware to random countries or dump it in the sea to make artificial reefs and cool shit like that. Doing all this will free up tonnes of money that would ideally cover my other plans.

3 – Nationalise all essential services and make them free at point of use. Transport, power, maybe even phone networks and stuff. Keep private alternatives though, competition’s probably a good thing. Give urban public transport massive priority over private transport. Nationalising nuclear power plants will stop them being pointlessly decommissioned by the private-sector tards that own them. Build more nuclear reactors because nuclear power is amazing. Put high-level waste in deep boreholes in the Highlands. Build wind turbines too because they look cool. Dam that badboy river Severn to make some more lovely electricity, which could also potentially solve water supply problems and make a shitload of jobs.

4 – Cut back immigration massively to curb population growth. Encourage adoption over having kids for the same reason, and to get kids out of the care system (which at present is much more messed-up than you think it is). Perhaps even aim for an actual decrease in overall population. This might nicely pair up with the loss of the military (because of me) and industrial (because of Thatcher!) job markets.

5 – Stop building bullshit housing estates in endless suburbs. Preserve the countryside how it is, because it’s nice and pretty. Strongly encourage development of brownfields over greenfields. Stop rich dudes owning second homes that are left empty for 95% of the year. Honestly, B&Bs and guest-houses aren’t that bad. Put local folks in those houses instead, so they don’t have to move two hours down the road and live in some soul-less Acacia Avenue. Stop rich City dicks who’ve never been off-road in their lives from owning 4x4s too. Stop importing American cars, they’re empirically shite. Encourage people to repair their existing cars instead of buying new ones, because it’s actually fun.

6 – I’m tempted to say ban religious schools. Not out of any hatred of religion, it just seems to me like they encourage segregation. Ban schooling that’s not done with English as a first language too (assuming it exists at all) for the same reasons. Encourage travel though. Maybe put something in the curriculum so that everyone in year 10 has to travel somewhere in the UK and make some project on where they go, and another one in year 11 where you have to do the same but travel abroad, or something (paid for with that ex-military money!). That would be well fun. Keeps people in touch with both other parts of their own country and the outside world, too. That can’t be a bad thing.

7 – Lose the national anthem, it’s bollocks. Replace with something by the Slackers or Korpiklaani or something. Keep the flag though, it’s quite catchy.

8 – Ban Scientology, because Scientologists are tossers.

9 – Bring back the old monasteries. Henry VIII was a douche to close them – if it wasn’t for him, we’d have Belgian-style abbey breweries all over the country. And I’d be guzzling Tintern Ale right now. Monks are surprisingly cool. However, we must first find more monks. Monk breeding programs should be initiated. Plus, with our new monastries, preserved countryside and the new Lake Severn for recreation, we can rake in truckloads more cash from tourism.

Slag my points off / suggest more. I'm bored.

wow, impressive post. that's some effort. good stuff. i haven't read much of it yet but I agree on the first line (divided government).

oh and to contribute, I'd say no more than 3 kids to keep population down somewhat.

I'd have the school education system emulate highly successful education institutions, I think one might be in Denmark, forgot now but the students were fucking bright.

I would suggest some migration laws but I don't have a very thought out opinion of that.

ooh, i thought of more

10 Kick out the Cornish, make Cornwall a joint Jewish/IDM state. Solve the troubles in the Middle East and provide a global haven for electronic musicians.

11 Starve countryside landowners of all benefits (not because I don't like them, just to force them to diversify). Then we'll be raving it up in random barns like it's the 80s again, and driving our G-reg Fiestas over to Lincolnshire to take part in Earl Barry of Spalding's annual field drag race on his land. Awesome.

Plans for further devolution were scrapped after the NE voted no in 2004. At least in part due to an absolutely awful PR campaign by a London based firm that completely misunderstood and patronised NE idendity, and which involved posting out fliers with soundbites from Denise fucking Welch. 'Ee, do ya want them puffs in that there London to be telling ya what to do like ya kna."

Cunts.

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:10 AM, joshier said:

 

oh and to contribute, I'd say no more than 3 kids to keep population down somewhat.

 

I would have thought that you'd want as many kids as possible knocking about.

most americans know american cars suck. Design by committee at its worst

Those tower blocks really are ugly too. Shame they were ever built

I like tower blocks, I must be the only one

Budgie to be repeated on Sundays on Anglia TV through the night

Mark E Smith as Prime Minister

Iggy Pop's face on a 5 pound note

Skimpier school uniforms for girls

Foreign footballers banned form premiership

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:00 AM, ezkerraldean said:

How I'd have the UK if/when I seize power:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 – Ban Scientology, because Scientologists are tossers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:37 AM, marf said:

Those tower blocks really are ugly too. Shame they were ever built

underground buildings.

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:11 AM, ezkerraldean said:

ooh, i thought of more

 

 

 

 

 

10 – Kick out the Cornish, make Cornwall a joint Jewish/IDM state. Solve the troubles in the Middle East and provide a global haven for electronic musicians.

 

 

 

YOu'd piss off Richard and Luke something fierce though. Plus the Cornish are good fun.

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:30 AM, kakapo said:

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:10 AM, joshier said:

oh and to contribute, I'd say no more than 3 kids to keep population down somewhat.

 

 

I would have thought that you'd want as many kids as possible knocking about.

*falls off chair*

Scousers would would rehoused in Fallujah to give them something real to mither about.

Laws would be passed by using the red button on the BBC Parliament channel.

Leeds would automatically gain 2 promotions.

Anyone caught practicing a religion would be declared mental and institutionalised.

1 - Accept that goverment is a tool of society and not vice versa

2 - Accept that trying to shape a society to fit your own personal vision using laws and taxes is both futile and evil

3 - Amend statutes accordingly

4 - Print remaining laws on sheet of A4

5 - Be happy

  On 8/10/2009 at 4:46 AM, analogue wings said:

1 - Accept that goverment is a tool of society and not vice versa

 

2 - Accept that trying to shape a society to fit your own personal vision using laws and taxes is both futile and evil

 

3 - Amend statutes accordingly

 

4 - Print remaining laws on sheet of A4

 

5 - Be happy

Youve lost your deposit.

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:42 AM, Dan C said:

I like tower blocks, I must be the only one

You, me, and Jonathan Meades.

Good name for band that

  On 8/10/2009 at 1:43 AM, LUDD said:

Budgie to be repeated on Sundays on Anglia TV through the night

 

Mark E Smith as Prime Minister

 

Iggy Pop's face on a 5 pound note

You've got my vote right there. Plus History of Charles Endell Esq. to be a compulsory part of the comprehensive school curriculum. Theme tune as the new National Anthem.

Jorts for all.

Reform the prison system. Assuming the labour is needed, low-end criminals should be put to work, Gulag-style sans death and borshch. Wages to be 100% taxed i.e. they work unpaid. Potentially make prison system self-sufficient this way. Mass-murderers to be deported to some obscure small otherwise-uninhabited island, with their antics to be televised for public entertainment. DVD revenues go to the government.

Put every BNP member in Pakistan

oh, and execute gangland chav scum murderers, assuming it's certain they did it. shoot them in the back of the head the same day as conviction. quick, easy, and cheap!

[/tory]

  On 8/10/2009 at 4:01 PM, Pennywise said:

Put every BNP member in Pakistan

YES

oh and legalise ganj obviously

Authoritarian stoners are the bomb.

Nuke the Isle of Wight.