first watmm post

have you ever had such a messy shit that you had to wipe your cheeks halfway through said shit? i did. it wasn't the wettest nor the smelliest shit (probably top 5 smelly though). i was going to just man up and force the rest out but the feeling of wet shit slowly drifting to the bottom of my right ass cheek was too much to bear. after i wiped i sat back down, ready to blow out the rest of my colon contents when the guy next to me (that i didn't notice) said "not done yet?"

i was horrified and wasn't sure what to say so i just said "nope" and let out a single blast of liquid shit (the kind that sounds like a fart except this one had lots of poop). he didn't say anything else and i waited for him to leave. second wipe was almost as bad as the first, not quite tho

just thought i'd share.

If you think that's bad you should check out xxx's recent photo thread horrorshow.

i was at work earlier, and i'm too scared now. maybe tomorrow, i have got my fill of shit for today

so you wipe standing up eh

In a public toilet too? Shit one.(no pun intended)

  On 8/11/2009 at 11:55 PM, Caretstik said:

horrorshow

хорошо

i used to be a staunch advocate of standing to wipe. but something changed. it simply makes no sense to stand up. use the reach around then any clingons simply fall off into the water. standing up makes the cheeks come together too which just smears the shit about. i admit i was wrong on that one. i think a big reason i used to standwipe was because it stops you shitting. i always had a problem ending a shit. i would feel there was more to come and sit squeezing the cheese for ages. if you stand up its over. these days i don't get that feeling, i eat alot of bran so its bish, bash, bosh, splosh, wipe, bidet, out.

  On 8/12/2009 at 12:20 AM, Benedict Cumberbatch said:

i used to be a staunch advocate of standing to wipe. but something changed. it simply makes no sense to stand up. use the reach around then any clingons simply fall off into the water. standing up makes the cheeks come together too which just smears the shit about. i admit i was wrong on that one. i think a big reason i used to standwipe was because it stops you shitting. i always had a problem ending a shit. i would feel there was more to come and sit squeezing the cheese for ages. if you stand up its over. these days i don't get that feeling, i eat alot of bran so its bish, bash, bosh, splosh, wipe, bidet, out.

You should write a book. I'd buy it, so long as it had pictures and diagrams.

i did actually stand up wipe before some thread on watmm about it

6 years ago

yeah we sure got our moneys worth out of watmm subscriptions. i blame our parents, they're just not down with the new technologies

  On 8/12/2009 at 12:00 AM, tauboo said:

so you wipe standing up eh

that's all i got out of the OP

I always stand to wipe... you've got to stand up to inspect your work before you start corrupting it with paper. I eat a meat-free high-fibre diet so I get a lot of clean breaks anyway, klingons aren't an issue.

Even though I've got a pretty hairy arse I never get winnets, but then again I never have solid shits either. Stand to wipe, no major issues to report.

  On 8/12/2009 at 1:17 AM, Caretstik said:

but then again I never have solid shits either.

Thats a pity, the glory only ever comes to the solid ones.

what way do you wipe? starting from the knob-end or the back-end of your arsecrack? do you push or tighten your bumhole while you wipe?

  On 8/12/2009 at 12:20 AM, Benedict Cumberbatch said:

i used to be a staunch advocate of standing to wipe. but something changed. it simply makes no sense to stand up. use the reach around then any clingons simply fall off into the water. standing up makes the cheeks come together too which just smears the shit about. i admit i was wrong on that one. i think a big reason i used to standwipe was because it stops you shitting. i always had a problem ending a shit. i would feel there was more to come and sit squeezing the cheese for ages. if you stand up its over. these days i don't get that feeling, i eat alot of bran so its bish, bash, bosh, splosh, wipe, bidet, out.

i came to this exact conclusion last week when every time i stood to wipe at work, the flush sensor would trigger. i just wish someone would have recommended this to me earlier; or at least provided educational material in appropriate places.

i had one of the most extreme fecal experiences ever at the big chill this year. it was early sunday morning, and i hadnt taken a dump since thursday at about midday. i woke up feeling extremely hungover and went to go and get a cup of tea and smoke a few biffs, and my stomach was aching like it was full of some kind of slow burning acid, i went to go and find the cleanest portaloo, which actually worked because i think i got there about 30 minutes after they had been cleaned, but anyway, i had an absolutely massive curler, which in a portaloo, as you probably know, just sticks to the plastic and builds up with terrifying rapidity to the point where you are convinced its going to press up like a freshly squeezed milkshake and press against your buttocks with fresh abandon. it got very close to this point when it stopped abruptly, i chilled for a few minutes to make sure, and reached for the toilet roll, at which point the alcoholic 1.5 litre of vodka shit became let loose like a firemans hose of such violently smelling, sloppy, unnaturally coloured shit that i was very nearly sick all over my own balls. this continued for around 15 minutes until i finally felt mildly refreshed. i got up and walked away without even looking at it or flushing because after 35 minutes in a portaloo you know that even a slight glance will leave you feeling giddy and nauseous for the rest of the festival.

  On 8/12/2009 at 4:03 AM, messiaen said:

i had one of the most extreme fecal experiences ever at the big chill this year. it was early sunday morning, and i hadnt taken a dump since thursday at about midday. i woke up feeling extremely hungover and went to go and get a cup of tea and smoke a few biffs, and my stomach was aching like it was full of some kind of slow burning acid, i went to go and find the cleanest portaloo, which actually worked because i think i got there about 30 minutes after they had been cleaned, but anyway, i had an absolutely massive curler, which in a portaloo, as you probably know, just sticks to the plastic and builds up with terrifying rapidity to the point where you are convinced its going to press up like a freshly squeezed milkshake and press against your buttocks with fresh abandon. it got very close to this point when it stopped abruptly, i chilled for a few minutes to make sure, and reached for the toilet roll, at which point the alcoholic 1.5 litre of vodka shit became let loose like a firemans hose of such violently smelling, sloppy, unnaturally coloured shit that i was very nearly sick all over my own balls. this continued for around 15 minutes until i finally felt mildly refreshed. i got up and walked away without even looking at it or flushing because after 35 minutes in a portaloo you know that even a slight glance will leave you feeling giddy and nauseous for the rest of the festival.

Good story, I was really able to visualise this. But I wish I hadn't. Taking a shit on acid at Glade was a very unpleasant experience and it reminded me of that!

  On 8/12/2009 at 4:03 AM, messiaen said:

i had one of the most extreme fecal experiences ever at the big chill this year. it was early sunday morning, and i hadnt taken a dump since thursday at about midday. i woke up feeling extremely hungover and went to go and get a cup of tea and smoke a few biffs, and my stomach was aching like it was full of some kind of slow burning acid, i went to go and find the cleanest portaloo, which actually worked because i think i got there about 30 minutes after they had been cleaned, but anyway, i had an absolutely massive curler, which in a portaloo, as you probably know, just sticks to the plastic and builds up with terrifying rapidity to the point where you are convinced its going to press up like a freshly squeezed milkshake and press against your buttocks with fresh abandon. it got very close to this point when it stopped abruptly, i chilled for a few minutes to make sure, and reached for the toilet roll, at which point the alcoholic 1.5 litre of vodka shit became let loose like a firemans hose of such violently smelling, sloppy, unnaturally coloured shit that i was very nearly sick all over my own balls. this continued for around 15 minutes until i finally felt mildly refreshed. i got up and walked away without even looking at it or flushing because after 35 minutes in a portaloo you know that even a slight glance will leave you feeling giddy and nauseous for the rest of the festival.

lol!

the vodka portion was extraordinary

  On 8/12/2009 at 4:03 AM, messiaen said:

i had one of the most extreme fecal experiences ever at the big chill this year. it was early sunday morning, and i hadnt taken a dump since thursday at about midday. i woke up feeling extremely hungover and went to go and get a cup of tea and smoke a few biffs, and my stomach was aching like it was full of some kind of slow burning acid, i went to go and find the cleanest portaloo, which actually worked because i think i got there about 30 minutes after they had been cleaned, but anyway, i had an absolutely massive curler, which in a portaloo, as you probably know, just sticks to the plastic and builds up with terrifying rapidity to the point where you are convinced its going to press up like a freshly squeezed milkshake and press against your buttocks with fresh abandon. it got very close to this point when it stopped abruptly, i chilled for a few minutes to make sure, and reached for the toilet roll, at which point the alcoholic 1.5 litre of vodka shit became let loose like a firemans hose of such violently smelling, sloppy, unnaturally coloured shit that i was very nearly sick all over my own balls. this continued for around 15 minutes until i finally felt mildly refreshed. i got up and walked away without even looking at it or flushing because after 35 minutes in a portaloo you know that even a slight glance will leave you feeling giddy and nauseous for the rest of the festival.

This was a riveting read. I felt like I was right there in that portaloo.

according to this chart you're meant to have floaty yellow shits like a toothpaste banana.

omg you didn't flush

and i don't think ive ever had floaty yellow shits like a toothpaste banana

I am quite healthy, good old chart

read the stools

deuce, stand, inspect, lol, flush, poke/prod, wet wipe, flush, call mom.