Fuck My Life

So at the moment my dad is on holiday in Florida and it's just me looking after the house. Because I'm out of the house working about 12-13 hours a day my mother is stopping by mid afternoon to take the dog out for a walk so he doesn't go crazy shitting and pissing everywhere like a prick.

Anyway, this morning I got up early for a visit to Manchester and I was feeling a bit pent up, so I decided to bang one out before I left. I have an old 20Gig sony MP3 player that I use as a portable hard drive/porn stash. I put this on the old 360 to enjoy some 42" (the TV, not my wang - my wang is small and inoffensive) high def wanking. Cut a short story shorter I finished up, jumped in the shower and grabbed my kit for the day before leaving.

I could leave an already awesome story at that but I'll continue.. Mum is one of those people that just can't stand a bit of mess, and because she has a habit of being super nice she decided to clean the whole house while I was out: surfaces cleaned, floor vacuumed, windows cleaned, clothes washed - the works. I got home and was delighted, until I got in my spring cleaned room and found that like the fucking idiot I am I'd left on the 360 and TV, menu open with the title in huge font "MORGAN 18 FUCKED HARD".

I haven't even cursed with my mother in earshot, fuck, my 30 year old brother still hasn't told her he's smoked for 15+ years.

So anyway, she left a note on the counter saying "Peter, please put the washed things in the dryer. Ta." ...I mean, what the fuck is THAT!?

I hate my life.

I've tried to think what "MORGAN 18 FUCKED HARD" could possibly be other than porn, and nope, there's no ambiguity there whatsoever.

In fact I think I may have seen some russian incest porn that involved this whole scenario, except you come home to find your mum watching it, with a bottle of Mr Sheen up her fanny, and then have to fuck her.

  On 9/17/2009 at 10:59 PM, kakapo said:

 

 

In fact I think I may have seen some russian incest porn that involved this whole scenario, except you come home to find your mum watching it, with a bottle of Mr Sheen up her fanny, and then have to fuck her.

and there's the megalol!

lol

Oh shit, it gets worse. It was her birthday yesterday and I only remembered today.

I wish I was making this shit up.

WOW that blows donkey dick

  On 9/17/2009 at 10:49 PM, Obel said:

So anyway, she left a note on the counter saying "Peter, please put the washed things in the dryer. Ta." ...I mean, what the fuck is THAT!?

mindgames!

oh well, here's the alternative:

fucking lol there's no way that one is real.

Was that you personally chaosmachine?

also Obel that was a megalol, you should bring that tape for her as a birthday present and try to play it off as a joke.

  On 9/17/2009 at 10:49 PM, Obel said:

So anyway, she left a note on the counter saying "Peter, please put the washed things in the dryer. Ta." ...I mean, what the fuck is THAT!?

 

 

 

 

I hate my life.

this note seems to me to be her way of letting you know that she's cool with letting you be an adult male. I wouldn't sweat it.

  On 9/18/2009 at 2:05 AM, dr lopez said:

  On 9/17/2009 at 10:49 PM, Obel said:

So anyway, she left a note on the counter saying "Peter, please put the washed things in the dryer. Ta." ...I mean, what the fuck is THAT!?

 

 

 

 

I hate my life.

this note seems to me to be her way of letting you know that she's cool with letting you be an adult male. I wouldn't sweat it.

Well, considering she washed my bed sheets, maybe she found it amusing. The most troubling thing right now is somehow saying happy birthday without coming across as a complete twat. So, my plan is to avoid her for a year and really surprise her next birthday (not with porn).

  On 9/18/2009 at 7:05 AM, Obel said:

So, my plan is to avoid her for a year and really surprise her next birthday

lol, do this.

Fucking lol, excellent indirect mother-son bonding going on I love it. You should get married.

  On 9/18/2009 at 7:14 AM, ms-dos said:

  On 9/18/2009 at 7:05 AM, Obel said:

So, my plan is to avoid her for a year and really surprise her next birthday

 

lol, do this.

morgan 19 fucked harder

  On 9/18/2009 at 8:26 AM, hahathhat said:

  On 9/18/2009 at 7:14 AM, ms-dos said:

  On 9/18/2009 at 7:05 AM, Obel said:

So, my plan is to avoid her for a year and really surprise her next birthday

 

lol, do this.

 

morgan Doormat Nancy 19 fucked harder

the wierdest part is you DID remember to turn it off, SHEs the one who didnt remember to turn it off. you guys are actually characters in a m. night shyamalan movie.

*jaw falls off*

Well, I'm the second youngest of three brothers (my older brothers being 30 and 32) so I'm sure she wasn't really shocked or anything. This is the woman who bought me a book called "Living With a Willy" when I was a young teenager, so obviously she was aware of the anxieties of puberty! Incidentally, the book sounds ridiculous, but it clears up some of the more ridiculous questions you're FAR too anxious to ask at that age.

I'm sure she was cool with it, but that doesn't make it any less awkward. I think I'm just going to blow apart any taboo subjects and visit her house with a fag in one hand and a cigarette in the other while he jacks me to some porn I'm playing on an iPod, screaming obsceneties.

Obel has struck exactly the right note in that this thread is both entertaining and informative. By writing it in a colloquial style, he avoids filling it full of medical terminology and covers all aspects of the topic in an honest way. I only wish that there had been a thread like this around when I was embarking on the rocky road of wanking over Morgan 18 fucked hard when my mum came round to clean! I think that it should be required reading for every watmmer and I hope that internets are aware of its usefulness in tackling the rumours and half-truths that punctuate so much watmm conversation on wanking matters.

Come on now, don't take the piss. This shit is serious.

next time you go round to her house and she makes some tea, get a stiffy and nonchalantly pop it out your trouser flap and pretend you dont know its there. if she ignores it when she comes back in it means she wants to have sex with you. if she comments on it, become enraged and over power her and stuff it in her gob.

oh shit... the image of someone's mother tidying up their wankanalia for them is priceless. neatly stacking porno mags next to a fresh roll of tissue paper and a neatly folded tube sock.... LOL

Alright, let me be clear, the only thing left in plain view was the title on my TV, I didn't leave my still hard cock on my bed or anything

i'm imagining your mom polishing your knob vigorously with pledge and a duster

this thread has become incestuous and intolerable

last post

You should totally fuck your mum.

Oh and don't mind LUDD he got caught by his mum wanking with his Dad once.