Australia bans philosophy

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After no university philosophy department successfully reached a series of funding benchmarks applicable under the latest Federal funding criteria, Australian universities will remove the subject from their curriculum next year. A study by the Australian Vice Chancellors’ Committee found that the nation’s philosophy departments had raised thousands of questions over the year, but had not succeeding in answering any of them conclusively.

 

“To have a 100% fail rate on your answer rate is unacceptable under our latest result-oriented guidelines,” said Ken Williams of the AVCC audit committee. “Without definitive progress to show the government, we lose funding.”

 

Auditors were also very critical of the failure to keep the course updated, pointing out that in many cases the philosophers were asking the same questions that have already been asked for millennia. “I can understand why some old Greeks thousands of years ago would struggle with questions like ‘Is there a God?’ or ‘What is truth?’’, Williams said. “But now that our lecturers have access to the internet, I would expect at least some conclusions to have been reached.”

 

Williams said that some of the former lecturers shared part of the blame for their departments’ inability to justify their funding. “For instance, when we asked the ANU Philosophy Department why it should continue to exist, its staff merely asked us how we knew any of us existed.”

 

“Well, at least that’s one philosophical conundrum that’s been answered,” he commented. “As of now, they don’t exist.”

 

The AVCC audit also put other Departments on notice that they needed to produce more concrete results to justify their position in modern universities. “We are funding our English Departments to the tune of millions of a year, yet we find now that most students entering the English Department can already speak English,” Williams said. “We’d be better off redirecting that money to the Business faculty, which actually succeeds in teaching English to thousands of overseas students each year.”

 

Where formerly they pondered many of the mysteries of the universe, an innovative industry partnership will instead redirect current philosophy students towards seeking definitive answers to only one overarching question: “Would you like fries with that?”

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I think it was in Humor In Uniform

  On 2/10/2010 at 4:39 PM, the anonymous forumite said:

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A study by the Australian Vice Chancellors’ Committee found that the nation’s philosophy departments had raised thousands of questions over the year, but had not succeeding in answering any of them conclusively.

irl lol

hopefully it will ban itself one day the fucking convicts

this is from an onion article, right?

no this is 100% legit

source: My link

funny, and luckily, not real.

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Williams said that some of the former lecturers shared part of the blame for their departments’ inability to justify their funding. “For instance, when we asked the ANU Philosophy Department why it should continue to exist, its staff merely asked us how we knew any of us existed.”

OMG LOL

is this actually real?

this is surely an elaborate joke, lol.

Since when Australia Elects Forum Moderators to run the country ..

Tomorrow's Headlines : Australia Bans Itself ..

SPOIDER

America with Palin as president would be like Australia is today.

  On 2/10/2010 at 8:54 PM, ezkerraldean said:

America with Palin as president would be like Australia Tasmania is today.

that was a good LOL.

It is a good lol, but I do wonder why there is even as much interest in philosophy now as there is. It seems like science is answering questions at a much higher rate than philosophy. As in, more than zero per year.

  On 2/11/2010 at 7:37 AM, Great Maker ShaiHulud said:

It is a good lol, but I do wonder why there is even as much interest in philosophy now as there is. It seems like science is answering questions at a much higher rate than philosophy. As in, more than zero per year.

All the philosophy I need is google:

I mean, why is there air?

  On 2/11/2010 at 8:04 AM, Great Maker ShaiHulud said:

All the philosophy I need is google:

 

 

I mean, why is there air?

well, go on then. why is there a pineapple under the sea?

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  On 2/10/2010 at 8:33 PM, ezkerraldean said:

is this actually real?

 

 

  On 2/10/2010 at 8:40 PM, messiaen said:

this is surely an elaborate joke, lol.

 

The chaser are a political comedy outfit, featuring online media and a TV show.

  On 2/11/2010 at 11:44 AM, Mesh Gear Fox said:

Yes, tin tin on the rampage.

  On 2/11/2010 at 7:37 AM, Great Maker ShaiHulud said:

It is a good lol, but I do wonder why there is even as much interest in philosophy now as there is. It seems like science is answering questions at a much higher rate than philosophy. As in, more than zero per year.

Well, the conventional logic is that philosophy doesn't teach you knowledge, or the answers to questions, but more about *how* to learn, and what questions are (and aren't) worth asking.

Which is supposedly also the remit of science, however - the problem is that the methodology science is not universal. It can answer questions of what and how, but it's not so good at the why questions. Science cannot effeciently answer questions like how to be happy, how to be a good person, how to live a worthwhile life. And indeed, maybe it's not even the right tool to be using to *ask* those questions. I suppose that people are interested in philosophy because they imagine that it can help with those questions?

In another age, those questions would have been addressed of religion or spirituality, but since certain parties in the scientific community have decided to set themselves up in a binary opposition to the very idea of religion or spirituality, where on earth are you supposed to get those questions answered or even asked now?

Sorry for the serious reply. Return you to the LOLs already in progress.

Heh, so much science and so many idiots in the world. Philosophy has much to do on this planet still.