Planning a wedding

So as a lot of you may have guessed, I got engaged. Thank you.

Now comes the tricky part.

How do we do this for a reasonable ammount of dough? We are having the ceremony in the community garden in NYC we met in 8 years ago. So that is set for late August.

The rest is a mystery to me.

Catering, reception space, invitations, all that other shit.

Pleaseshare your tips and experiences with me if you have them.

Thanks watmm!

let her do all that and agree with everything she says

  On 3/8/2010 at 10:55 AM, keltoi said:

let her do all that and agree with everything she says

Yep.

Trust me, there's a whole world of nonsense that you'll know absolutely nothing about. For example I had no idea there were so many shades of cream.

4.95 out of a 1000 gets divorced in america.

have dinner with your friends and call it a night

run, run, fucking run. trust me

First advice, make sure to pick a pretty one. If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life etc. etc.

And let her do everything. And tell her not to do too much. Noone gives a damn about whether the cake is chocolate or fruit, noone gives a shit whether they got one or two free drinks, noone notices if the mothers of the bride and groom got a bouquet of flowers or not. Nice weather (which you can do fuck all about unless destination is an issue), good band, decent food and hotel, and SHORT speeches.

I actually got engaged in December and we're planning stuff as well. My best advice is to remember it's you and your fiance's wedding, so screw anything you don't want to do. There isn't a law saying you have to do all the cliche "traditions," so make the ceremony as you want...(i.e. as your future wife wants.)

agreed with let her decide everything but at the same time she could become a stressed out bridezilla if you're sitting around playing xbox while she's poring over a massive catalog of invitations. so be on call to offer your opinion when solicited. maybe even try to offer your opinion unsolicited, but that can be dangerous so use your judgment. the lion's share of the money will go towards entertainment if you are having a reception. booze and food. having just beer and wine is significanty less expensive than a full open bar. lots of people do cash bars and make the guests pay for the alcohol. i think that's cool if it's a local wedding but if you have a bunch of people flying in from all over the country then it's a bit shit to make them buy their drinks imo. in many cases it's a lot cheaper to do "heavy hors d'ouvres" rather than a full sit down meal. i think that's the way to go if you're trying to save money. people get to pick and chose what they eat so no one is going to gripe about the food. also trim that guest list down. the less hungry mouths and thirsty livers to fill, the cheaper. tell your in-laws that their weird neighbors are not invited because you've never even met them. unless of course the in-laws are funding a good portion of the wedding, then they have a little clout. invitations can be budgetized too if you make them yourself. you can spend a shitload on invitations though if you're not careful. i know this. our invitations were works of art, but i'm not sure looking back how important that really was.

  On 3/8/2010 at 2:20 PM, Conor74 said:

noone gives a shit whether they got one or two free drinks

uh, i would care.

i personally think cash bars are tacky as fuck... but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

i just got engaged in October, but not getting married until spring 2011. we're planning a pretty big wedding and we're not getting any monetary help from family (hence 1.5+ yr engagement).

my sister got married about a week ago, they went the idm route and had it at an aquarium

  On 3/8/2010 at 5:31 PM, viscosity said:

my sister got married about a week ago, they went the idm route and had it at an aquarium

That sounds awesome, I want to see pics!

last wedding i was at had an 'honesty bar' where people paid what they thought was about right. so you can go up a few times and pay nothing, then hand over a lump sum at the end (or vice versa, or not at all if you're a tight wad).

everyone gets pissed and pays way over what they should. my mate said the caterers charged them the correct price for the bar takings, and then took the huge over payment for themselves.

  On 3/8/2010 at 5:27 PM, blicero said:

i personally think cash bars are tacky as fuck... but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

Not sure, might be customary there, but is very much the norm here. Then again, have been at weddings with 600 guests and at least 50 seasoned and notorious alcoholics, so free bars would be hard to corral. It's not a good wedding unless you go through a stack of cash buying drinks for people you'll never meet again. It would be normal to have a free pour of wine along with the meal, and maybe a whiskey reception on arrival at the hotel, but that's about it on this side of the water.

play giorgio moroder at your wedding reception and give Serious man another shot, thats the only advice i can give

  On 3/8/2010 at 7:07 PM, Conor74 said:

  On 3/8/2010 at 5:27 PM, blicero said:

i personally think cash bars are tacky as fuck... but if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

 

Not sure, might be customary there, but is very much the norm here.

Think I got something wrong there. Cash bars may not be customary in the US, but are pretty much standard here. Have been to dozens of weddings, have only seen a free bar at two or so, and at that everyone grumbled and thought it was a bit flash.

can some american explain to me what the point is with rehearsal dinners. can't you people have a dinner without rehearsing?

some people dont like to just go out there and wing it.

  On 3/8/2010 at 7:32 PM, azatoth said:

can some american explain to me what the point is with rehearsal dinners. can't you people have a dinner without rehearsing?

it's not about rehearsing, it's supposed to be a dinner for out of town guests. It just happens to take place after the rehearsal (if you have one)

BTW, I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. The one exception being when beer/wine is free, but liquor or fancier beer is cash. but there is always a free booze option.

i've been to a few cash bars. they are tacky if you know the couple can afford it. but they were very modest weddings and i didnt have a problem buying my own booze. i can understand having a cash bar in ireland, lol. that being said we had a full open bar at our wedding because we wanted people to get rocked and dance and do stupid shit. like my cousin breaking the toilet in half in his hotel room.

ive only been to three weddings, every single one has been free unlimited alcohol and every one ive ended up embarrasing myself in front of my family.

Thanks for the advice thus far!

I know we are planning to have about 150 people at the wedding, max.

We also don't really give a shit about all of the table decorations and expensive cakes and shit.

We want good quality but on a small budget. We aren't trying to impress anyone.

  On 3/8/2010 at 5:31 PM, viscosity said:

my sister got married about a week ago, they went the idm route and had it at an aquarium

My good friend had an aquarium wedding this past summer in Camden, NJ. They did the whole ceremony in front of a giant tank and the reception in a large atrium area. It was pretty fucking cool.

  On 3/8/2010 at 7:24 PM, Awepittance said:

play giorgio moroder at your wedding reception

you can count on that. I was debating on how "electro" I wanted the reception music to be.

the old raver in me has a fantasy of bringing all of my old jungle 12"s and spinning a 30min set, but that isn't going to happen.

I'll probably just give the DJ a bunch of songs I really want to hear... maybe, at the very least, The Super Sharp Shooter will make the cut.

*edit*

You better believe we're having an open bar, even if it's just wine and beer.

My brother made the mistake of having a Medieval-themed wedding/reception in a church that didn't allow alcohol.

It was in the middle of a summer heat-wave and there was no air-conditioning, either. Everybody was in velvet and shit. People were pissed.

I'm not going to follow in his footsteps, you can be sure of that!

by the water. be it a lake or ocean dunno

make sure she actually wants to stay with you first

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