tell your best story

one time when i was coming up on acid my friend scott told me about the time he met the king of drugs

damned if i can remember very little about that story but that's not to say that you shouldn't share yours

My mom bought me a shirt,

when I wore it I was the shit.

But I wasn't that legit,

because my mom bought it

I was in a drug bust once, that was rather scary.

I got a really bad sunburn once. the whole story is epic and all of my friends constantly ask me to re-tell the story.

I'm tired of telling it, so fuck you cunts.

I once got a sunburn after walking down a beach for about 4 hours

At about the 3.5th hour I fell down in the sand and my sunburn hurt a lot

I once ate.

Yeah, thats pretty much it.

One time when I was little me and my friend tried to cook pancakes on his roof.

like literally on the roof?

when i was young a made a bulls-eye on a piece of paper. put it on the carpet and repeatedly stabbed it with a sharp pencil. the pencil ended up striking my hand and the lead broke off into it. i still have a very small dark circle on my hand where the lead punctured it and stuck.

holy shit yek...I have a lead point stuck in my palm as well.It's been there since I was 6.

i ate a poop once GYAHAHAHAHA

i usually only tell great stories by unintentionally starting a story i think is boring

i left my house today.

  On 3/26/2010 at 4:39 AM, chenGOD said:

holy shit yek...I have a lead point stuck in my palm as well.It's been there since I was 6.

craziness! we're lead buddies

I burnt my hand trying to make some pop corn. Within hours i got a big nasty blister. A few days later i had to subscribe to my junior high school. I had to shake the headmaster's head. My hand exploded within his, and I cried.

Also i ate shit, but that's for another post.

  On 3/26/2010 at 4:40 AM, Smettingham Rutherford IV said:

i ate a poop once GYAHAHAHAHA

my friend knocked over a traffic light at the big intersection in the capitol, and i was there. he got arrested. and i got questioned.

  On 3/26/2010 at 4:25 AM, chenGOD said:

like literally on the roof?

Yeah. It was summer and we thought it would act like a frying pan.

fuck I've forgotten what I was going to write in response to that.

oh well.

tell us another story...

This thread is the best story thread ever!

One time I met the Aphex Twin, we shared a joint and a beer, he talked to me about electro and Men Records, we walked out together when the fire alarm went off in the building, I saw he and Venetian Snares talking on the way out of the building, asked if I could take their picture, Richie said no, and Aaron turned around with the biggest smile on his face, just as excited to be hanging out with the APHEX TWIN as I was, later on in the night RICHARD D JAMES asked if I wanted to join him in the bar while I pointed my disposable camera at him, threatening him with random photo shots, which he dodged in a clown-like manner, and alas I never took one....when the APHEX TWIN tells you no, you listen....and I did

remember watmm...

never forget....

I own you all...

and this thread sucks....

It all happened in the summer of 2005, at this time I had just turned 15 years old, and just finished my freshmen year of high school. My high school was approximately 6,507 ft. from my house. This distance is short enough that I could walk to and from school in a relatively short period of time. Due to the fact I'm not a morning person though, I usually got a ride in the morning. My friend's mom drove us in a 2001 Toyota Corolla and had around 90 to 95 thousand miles on it. This is a mildly high number but because it's a Toyota we knew it would last for a while longer. It had previously belonged to his mother. Any ways, in the summer of 2005 we both were going to summer school for having failed the same math class. The reason we failed this class was because another student in the class, a female. She had the most memorizing body imaginable. Not only that but she was flirty as hell. Needless to say, all class time was spent flirting with this girl as much as we could. No matter how the teacher arranged the class seating we always manged a way to contact this girl. We created so many forms of secret communication you would think it was WW2. (There where no hot girls in my history class.)

So the second half of freshman year, 3rd block was a great one. All three of us where young blooming people flowing with many newly acquired urges. This newness was the big issue. We could flirt, but we couldn't take it much further. Total amateurs. So even though we learned nothing in that class, we also gained nothing with the girl in our math class. Luckily, she was also in our summer school class. We were very excited but also very worried. We were being berated by our parents for having to attend summer school, but we also had a even closer space with the flirtiest cutest girl we knew. After the first week my friend and I spent a whole weekend trying to figure out a plan to both pass the class and grab that ass. That's the phrase we used to each other as we contemplated. We figured the best idea would be to get a 3rd person in on this so we called our "friend" who was more-so a fellow student who had great grades and thought we where cool. Probably because we were very cool.

So our plan was very complicated but we hoped for it to work and to have at least slightly better odds than a scratch off. Step one was to have our friend agree to homework for us but he was not interested in doing this. We invited him to come over, baked delicious cookies, and asked over and over again "Is there any way we can convince you to do this work for us?". He was very stubborn, and rightfully so. We offered video games and most of our other belongings, the small amount of money we had, a life-time friend ship, nothing enticed this guy. We gave up and had to use our last resort. "fine... will do it... for pussy?" Instantly this blew the kid away. He wouldn't stop laughing, thinking we where joking, or total fools. We told him about the girl we are in class with and he slowly stopped laughing. He began to become very interested. We told him that the real reason we wanted him to do our homework was so that we could also share the answers with her, and in return get laid. We said the one problem is that now there's 3 males to 1girl it might be very hard to convince her into anything. We talked for a long while that night and many ideas were conceived.

On the first class the next week we turned in all of our homework, and told the girl how hard the both of us studied over the weekend. She seemed very surprised, which was perfect. We then told her about how we wouldn't mind letting her copy us so that she could enjoy her summer. The glee we saw in our eyes was probably all we needed to make everything worth it all ready, but we had to go much further than this. We already had major plans in store. It quickly became a routine of our friend doing our work, and then us passing the work to her. She became more and more fond of us, and greatful for our assistance. Each morning she would say statements like "you guys are life savers!". Yes, we're glad to help you, you're the best. We would sit in a 45 degree angle from her, get a good view of the back and the front. Slowly we started to work into phase two of our plan. Each morning we'd start to add things like "man today's assignment was really tough, we were up all night doing this one" or "I hope the next section is easier because if it's harder we might be fucked!" and she started to get a little worried. As time went on we would ask her to meet us in new places so that we could get her the home work in time. Until the first major test was announced. We called her the night before the test, in a frantic worried tone "oh man, are you going to be able to pass this test?" she replied "I dunno, is there some way you guys can help me cheat?" we replied in a devastating tone "No the way this teacher does the tastes it's impossible! If you come over tonight though, we can probably drill you enough on the basic stuff that you could pass the test" she predictably the went on saying "that would be great, but I don't know if I could go over to your house, my dad is really strict about that sort of thing." PERFECT, "can you maybe meet us at the park then? maybe sneak out?" she said yes. Needless to say we then raped her, took the passing quiz for the class so we didn't have to attend the rest of summer school, and we never talked to her ever again.

i've just finished the second paragraph : i'm having a semi.

cool story bro, cool story, argh, my boner's gone...

that was a pretty good start, but you could have elaborated on the last line.

  On 3/26/2010 at 4:49 AM, yek said:

  On 3/26/2010 at 4:39 AM, chenGOD said:

holy shit yek...I have a lead point stuck in my palm as well.It's been there since I was 6.

craziness! we're lead buddies

Me too. O_o (sorry that the picture sucks so hard, the lights are on, but it's still almost 3 am)

Third grade, I was bouncing a pencil in the crook of my hand and it went to low and broke off in my hand.

one time when I was 14 I drew a picture at school, and it started talking to me, making threatening demands that I obey it or it would destroy me. so I threw it to the ground and it stopped talking.

I was not on drugs, I was merely in a very strange state of mind. There are a bunch of messed-up stories from around then.

  On 3/26/2010 at 8:34 AM, Glass Plate said:

It all happened in the summer of 2005, at this time I had just turned 15 years old, and just finished my freshmen year of high school. My high school was approximately 6,507 ft. from my house. This distance is short enough that I could walk to and from school in a relatively short period of time. Due to the fact I'm not a morning person though, I usually got a ride in the morning. My friend's mom drove us in a 2001 Toyota Corolla and had around 90 to 95 thousand miles on it. This is a mildly high number but because it's a Toyota we knew it would last for a while longer. It had previously belonged to his mother. Any ways, in the summer of 2005 we both were going to summer school for having failed the same math class. The reason we failed this class was because another student in the class, a female. She had the most memorizing body imaginable. Not only that but she was flirty as hell. Needless to say, all class time was spent flirting with this girl as much as we could. No matter how the teacher arranged the class seating we always manged a way to contact this girl. We created so many forms of secret communication you would think it was WW2. (There where no hot girls in my history class.)

 

So the second half of freshman year, 3rd block was a great one. All three of us where young blooming people flowing with many newly acquired urges. This newness was the big issue. We could flirt, but we couldn't take it much further. Total amateurs. So even though we learned nothing in that class, we also gained nothing with the girl in our math class. Luckily, she was also in our summer school class. We were very excited but also very worried. We were being berated by our parents for having to attend summer school, but we also had a even closer space with the flirtiest cutest girl we knew. After the first week my friend and I spent a whole weekend trying to figure out a plan to both pass the class and grab that ass. That's the phrase we used to each other as we contemplated. We figured the best idea would be to get a 3rd person in on this so we called our "friend" who was more-so a fellow student who had great grades and thought we where cool. Probably because we were very cool.

 

So our plan was very complicated but we hoped for it to work and to have at least slightly better odds than a scratch off. Step one was to have our friend agree to homework for us but he was not interested in doing this. We invited him to come over, baked delicious cookies, and asked over and over again "Is there any way we can convince you to do this work for us?". He was very stubborn, and rightfully so. We offered video games and most of our other belongings, the small amount of money we had, a life-time friend ship, nothing enticed this guy. We gave up and had to use our last resort. "fine... will do it... for pussy?" Instantly this blew the kid away. He wouldn't stop laughing, thinking we where joking, or total fools. We told him about the girl we are in class with and he slowly stopped laughing. He began to become very interested. We told him that the real reason we wanted him to do our homework was so that we could also share the answers with her, and in return get laid. We said the one problem is that now there's 3 males to 1girl it might be very hard to convince her into anything. We talked for a long while that night and many ideas were conceived.

 

On the first class the next week we turned in all of our homework, and told the girl how hard the both of us studied over the weekend. She seemed very surprised, which was perfect. We then told her about how we wouldn't mind letting her copy us so that she could enjoy her summer. The glee we saw in our eyes was probably all we needed to make everything worth it all ready, but we had to go much further than this. We already had major plans in store. It quickly became a routine of our friend doing our work, and then us passing the work to her. She became more and more fond of us, and greatful for our assistance. Each morning she would say statements like "you guys are life savers!". Yes, we're glad to help you, you're the best. We would sit in a 45 degree angle from her, get a good view of the back and the front. Slowly we started to work into phase two of our plan. Each morning we'd start to add things like "man today's assignment was really tough, we were up all night doing this one" or "I hope the next section is easier because if it's harder we might be fucked!" and she started to get a little worried. As time went on we would ask her to meet us in new places so that we could get her the home work in time. Until the first major test was announced. We called her the night before the test, in a frantic worried tone "oh man, are you going to be able to pass this test?" she replied "I dunno, is there some way you guys can help me cheat?" we replied in a devastating tone "No the way this teacher does the tastes it's impossible! If you come over tonight though, we can probably drill you enough on the basic stuff that you could pass the test" she predictably the went on saying "that would be great, but I don't know if I could go over to your house, my dad is really strict about that sort of thing." PERFECT, "can you maybe meet us at the park then? maybe sneak out?" she said yes. Needless to say we then raped her, took the passing quiz for the class so we didn't have to attend the rest of summer school, and we never talked to her ever again.

Does yegg know what you did last summer?

Ok ,I started to write a story but it ended up a perverse type of confession so I'll tell you one of my Dads tales.

When he was a kid he used to work for a butchers in London,one day him and the master butcher,all in their clean white overalls and striped aprons saw an old lady collapse outside the shop,they both rushed out and knelt down on either side of her,one of them checking her pulse, my Dad putting his rolled up apron under her head.

As this old dears eyes fluttered open she looked up at the white clad men and said in a tiny voice,"Oh my...are you angels?"

"No Madam,Parfaits Butchers of Renown."My dad replied as he had been taught.

The woman struggled quickly to her feet..."There must be some mistake."She stuttered,backing away,"Ive arranged to be cremated."

I thought it was funny...

The first ten or so times I heard him tell it.