Repeated, forced small talk

Topic says it all pretty much. It's getting harder and harder to keep it up with a smile.

I don't tolerate it. I usually just keep quiet when I have nothing important to say. As a result a lot of people seem to think I dislike them, which isn't always true.

I've tried that... Then they are just really rude to me, which is also annoying

small talk can be as interesting as you make it. you make it sound like you're a victim.

*use the force, luke*

I can't tolerate obvious small talk (weather, occupation) but I'm getting more comfortable with superficial talk. Actually, most intellectual talk can get annoying to me in many contexts (at the club, parties, coffee breaks at uni) and I'd rather save it for intimate contexts (home, on a strictly one-on-one conversation, more people trying to partake in a "deep" conversation actually ruins it as many people have trouble staying focused on the point).

So basically, I'm not that conerned anymore about having to have deep conversations.

Also, sometimes I'd rather have small talk than having to listen to stupid opinions or lame jokes.

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

Repeated, forced small talk Makes my left eye twitch

tell them you live in a bank and drive a tank

To be fair, small talk is shit.

Today I was out and about and so many people I previously knew from old jobs, school and whatever seemed to decide it was a good day to bump into me. Conversation with these people is difficult. My older brother had a friend that he hung around with when I was about 6, I bumped into him today. He's a bit fucked up in the head from doing drugs most of his teenage and adult years and now is really awkward to talk to

"yeah Pete yeah, itwaslike when you were 6 and i didn't talk to you or anything but i'd see your brother with your folks and he would say yeah this is my younger brother Pete, yeah"

Plus he tends to hang around schools talking to the 15 year old girls as they come out, selling drugs and shit (He's in his mid thirties or something now I think). How do you talk to these people?

Fuck small talk.

I work at a coffee shop, and I'm basically like a living diary fo the neighborhood. People tell me about the most inane boring unrelated sht in their lives. I can't ignore them or

be rude, else I may lose my job if I'm not careful.

But it's just constant... 8 hours a day 5 days a week I am forced to listen to the same stuff and answer the same questions over and over and over.

My eye really did start twtiching today.

Need new job.

i'm also a barista, so it's my job to small talk all fucking day. it's not the lack of depth that bothers me; it's just extremely hard to keep it up when you have bad social anxiety. plus i'm on a bus for ~4 hours a day, surrounded by people (many of them profoundly disturbed), who also want to small talk with me. then i come home and there are people in every room of my apartment who want to small talk until bed time. it's been like this for exactly a year now, and i've been very close to having a nervous breakdown for about a month. this is why i keep myself so sedated\stoned.

sorry for the tangent.

In the same... It's been just over 2 years for me, and I realy feel like I'm losing it.

I also smoke a lot to calm my nerves.

4 hour bus ride though? Jesus...

Oh, is this a nerves thing? I just find it annoying!

yeah, 2 hours both ways. i can't get a transfer and finding other work has been tough. i could be trying harder though.

the only time i have privacy is when i'm shitting or showering. i can't keep this up.

best of luck dude.

I was gonna say something like, what makes a conversation enjoyable is the sense that someone is really showing who they are in some way and not just using words to pass the time or cover up who they are or somehow shield themselves from making a personal connection to someone else; and that small talk, when directed in the right way with the right prompts, can show who someone is just as clearly as big, 'deep' talk.

But then I realized that you must largely have people talking to you just to talk, and you feel used by them since they don't seem to necessarily care what you think about their stories anyway.

But don't overlook the power of a societal figure like the barista -- not too far from the bartender or hairdresser -- I think it can be much more meaningful in people's lives than either you or they realize most of the time. Like teaching, they might not ever understand and thus show you that it's important or helpful to them when you listen to their stories about whatever dumb shit, but there is a good chance for at least some of those people that these dumb interactions do play a meaningful and important part in their lives. It's just, again, hard for either party to recognize that.

I go back and forth -- some days, I'm a chatterbox and love talking it up with whomever I come across in my societal intercourse (hehe), but other days I'm just like "FUCK THIS GAME, GET OUT OF MY FACE!!"

  On 6/19/2010 at 8:05 PM, goDel said:

small talk can be as interesting as you make it. you make it sound like you're a victim.

 

 

*use the force, luke*

yeah, i actually really enjoy it. you'd be amazed what kind of topics you could reach with a stranger on a bus ride. open yourself up a little bit rather than being a psycho victim

It's both! Beyond not being a chatty person, I also have anxiety issues. I also live in the same neighborhood that I work in so there is no escape from the constant interactions every time I step out the door.

When I first moved to sf and didn't know anyone it was nice to not feel isolated, but it quickly got old.

Never before have I wanted to live in the middle of nowhere with no one around for miles, but it's all I think a out now... Being in complete solitude for a long time. Away from everyone.

I'm trying desperately to find a new apartment out of this neighborhood ( although it's hard as I have to be at work at 5:30 and most public transport doesn't start till 6, so I have to be within walking distance.

I'm also trying to find a new job, which in this economy, and with a music degree, isn't that easy. It's basicaly just a different service job... Which may temporarily change things up enough to ease some stress, I know it'll come back. I never want to work a service job again for the rest of my life.

Pyscho victim... Thanks

I could talk for Ireland. But about topics, like music, football, churches, clouds, fires, pubs, politics, music again, parties, drinking, mountains...that kind of stuff. But inane 'how's the family, how's work' questions annoy me...

  On 6/19/2010 at 8:53 PM, encey said:

But don't overlook the power of a societal figure like the barista -- not too far from the bartender or hairdresser -- I think it can be much more meaningful in people's lives than either you or they realize most of the time. Like teaching, they might not ever understand and thus show you that it's important or helpful to them when you listen to their stories about whatever dumb shit, but there is a good chance for at least some of those people that these dumb interactions do play a meaningful and important part in their lives. It's just, again, hard for either party to recognize that.

i agree with this. i've become a bigger part of some my regular customers' lives than i'd ever imagined. there are four customers whom i probably spend 10 hours talking with, each, per week. they're crazy, or homeless, or just very lonely, and i've probably become their best friend and closest confidant in between serving other customers. but it's so, so draining. i feel like i'm being paid to babysit or entertain, not make coffee.

  On 6/19/2010 at 8:57 PM, Kcinsu said:

It's both! Beyond not being a chatty person, I also have anxiety issues. I also live in the same neighborhood that I work in so there is no escape from the constant interactions every time I step out the door.

 

When I first moved to sf and didn't know anyone it was nice to not feel isolated, but it quickly got old.

 

Never before have I wanted to live in the middle of nowhere with no one around for miles, but it's all I think a out now... Being in complete solitude for a long time. Away from everyone.

 

I'm trying desperately to find a new apartment out of this neighborhood ( although it's hard as I have to be at work at 5:30 and most public transport doesn't start till 6, so I have to be within walking distance.

 

I'm also trying to find a new job, which in this economy, and with a music degree, isn't that easy. It's basicaly just a different service job... Which may temporarily change things up enough to ease some stress, I know it'll come back. I never want to work a service job again for the rest of my life.

 

Pyscho victim... Thanks

i can imagine being freaked out of having to listen to people gibberish all day, day in day out. but it sounds like the people in your apartment themselves are more your problem than small talk in general. small talk with people you don't know, is an entirely different animal than small talk with people you do know and probably don't like.

Well that's msdos... My roommates are pyschotic, so I just don't talk to them. The problem with regular customers us that you DO get to know them and there are ones I don't like.

It's like the entire neighborhood are my coworkers that I see every day. That's a fuck load of coworkers.

just say stupid things and it rapidly degenerates into just stupid talk, which is great.

BIG TALK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUbjpwyesk0

"small talk is for small minds"

  On 6/19/2010 at 9:04 PM, ms-dos said:

  On 6/19/2010 at 8:53 PM, encey said:

But don't overlook the power of a societal figure like the barista -- not too far from the bartender or hairdresser -- I think it can be much more meaningful in people's lives than either you or they realize most of the time. Like teaching, they might not ever understand and thus show you that it's important or helpful to them when you listen to their stories about whatever dumb shit, but there is a good chance for at least some of those people that these dumb interactions do play a meaningful and important part in their lives. It's just, again, hard for either party to recognize that.

 

i agree with this. i've become a bigger part of some my regular customers' lives than i'd ever imagined. there are four customers whom i probably spend 10 hours talking with, each, per week. they're crazy, or homeless, or just very lonely, and i've probably become their best friend and closest confidant in between serving other customers. but it's so, so draining. i feel like i'm being paid to babysit or entertain, not make coffee.

That sounds intense! :/