the tale of Chet Holston

Chet Holston was a portly, amiable gentleman of 58 who ran Holston & Son Greengrocers in Brownsville. The business had been started by has grandfather and was well respected in the local community.

"Lovely fresh fruit you've got here Mr Holston" the locals would often comment.

"Only the best for you!" Chet would reply with a wink and a snap of his fingers.

Chet made a reasonable living selling healthy natural food - he only had himself to worry about since his wife had died many years ago in a zeppelin accident. But one thing worried him; he didn't seem to have enough young people visiting his shop.

Customers would often hear Chet rambling about the old days while they shopped for vegetables.

"When I was a young boy I would often go to the greengrocers on a Saturday morning and spend all my pocket money on grapes. Five cents for a bunch it used to be, and a dime for a King Edward. Of course we didn't cook potatoes back then, just ate them raw, washed down with a cup of sea water…"

Chet decided to try to get the local youths eating more fruit.

One sunny Saturday, just after dawn, Chet opened up his shop and set out a beautiful display of all the most succulent fruits he could find. Guavas, mangoes, shiny red apples, juicy green grapes, ripe pineapples. It was an amazing spectacle and many passers-by came over to admire it. A few adults asked Chet if they could buy something but he said "Sorry - this is just for the kids!". He put up a great big banner - "FRESH FRUIT - FREE TO ALL THE YOUNGSTERS!" written in his neatest handwriting with his best felt-tip pen.

By 11 o'clock no children had come in to his shop yet.

Chet sighed. "This isn't going very well at all" said Chet Holston the greengrocer to himself, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

Then 18 big muscly men came in and hit Chet in the head with a big brick, and while he was lying on the floor one of them stamped on his hands, smashing every bone in his fingers.

" I won't be able to use the till with these smashed up fingers" mumbled Chet as one of the men forced a really big locally sourced organic carrot into Chet's bottom.

The next thing Chet was aware of was waking up in a hospital. A kindly doctor said "Good to have you back Chet. We've extracted a lot of vegetables from your rectum, and we also found a set of car keys"

"My car keys!" said Chet

"Just get some rest and you're going to be fine."

This turned out to be untrue as Chet died of a brain aneurysm shortly afterward.

this thread lacks a close up drawing of chet's rectum after the operation.

Some questions.

1. Clearly a family business. Was he the 'son' of the title. Or did he have a son? What happened to him? Was he childless? Why didn't he and his wife have kids?

2. The 18 muscly men look like skinheads, that looks like a DM boot. But Chet Holston is American? Were they rednecks? Was it a skinhead holdiay?

for years you could hear a distant "oh dear" every time a carrot sold

  On 8/15/2010 at 2:00 PM, kakapo said:

Some questions.

 

1. Clearly a family business. Was he the 'son' of the title. Or did he have a son? What happened to him? Was he childless? Why didn't he and his wife have kids?

2. The 18 muscly men look like skinheads, that looks like a DM boot. But Chet Holston is American? Were they rednecks? Was it a skinhead holdiay?

1. The business was started by Chet's grandfather. The 'Son' in the name was actually Chet's father.

2. In reality the muscly men were african americans but this was considered irrelevant and confusing to the moral of the story. But yes they were definitely wearing big shiny leather boots in the DM style

meh, could have been a lot better

  On 8/15/2010 at 1:39 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

his wife had died many years ago in a zeppelin accident.

Why did they kill her? What did she do?

Its a prequel I'm currently working on George, hoping for another lukewarm reception to inspire me to complete the trilogy

wat

african americans only wear grotesque over sized basketball shoes in colors that dont occur in nature

I suppose they could have been timberland boots or wallabees, but we really shouldnt be talking about the racial element as it was omitted

nsfw

  On 8/16/2010 at 3:04 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

Its a prequel I'm currently working on George, hoping for another lukewarm reception to inspire me to complete the trilogy

Lol @ Lukewarm