i need help understanding this decision

and i feel like either decision is a step into an abyss.

i've been living in monasteries and meditation centers for the past 10 months of my life. it's been wonderful and i still love it here. it's easy as hell, i get paid nicely, i'm in solitude, and have really incredible coworkers who are into the same as i. i haven't really been able to function well in society for the past few years. i feel like i'm clinging to this place because i'm losing it. i put in a 2 month notice, but don't think i want to leave. i hate having to relate to so many different people. it's utterly overwhelming. and i don't want a real job. but i also feel like i'm avoiding important aspects of myself that need integration - i feel that with my new perspective and heightened self-awareness getting mixed up in relationships again would be really rewarding. i see society as a sort of bonus stage that i get to step into. if it were the whole game i'd kill myself. but it's nice to go pick stuff up. but damn, i don't do anything here and i don't know if i am capable of flowing with the rest of the world. i get to sit around and contemplate my body and feelings and the walls and nature all day. my job involves walking around a rainforest and stocking toilet paper. anyway, society. i think this might be a wonderful time in my life to engage that. i think my perspective and awareness on many levels are in a state of becoming fresher. i worry however that this positive movement will stop when i leave the proper environment. i suppose i don't trust my internal processes to hold up as i reallocate all this energy to the different pace and the different rules.

join us. we need your meat.

:L

wah

just take the lesser of the two evils then :p

no seriously, sounds like you have some real issues

just go with what your heart tells you, or talk about it with some good friends

give society a chance.

there is a place for you.

as much as i find captivating the idea of having a secluded monastery life, i think it's something not compatible with the human essence. it's an extreme and ultimate way to take.

polar bears, tigers, eagles and some other animals are meant to have a solitary life, but some others aren't. men is one of those.

with time you will understand that is also possible to find a your own little monasteries within society, without denying it and abdicate relationships. and they can appear as a wide set of forms, ideas or even people, and in nature.

you must have spent a lot of time meditating and i am sure you have measured the pros and cons several times and in every possible perspective.

but you haven't tried it yet.

Please stay where you are; you do not seem like you are capable of integrating into society on any meaningful level by the sound of this and previous posts. Please do not feel like you need to subject society to your obviously blighted and retarded worldview. There are already enough vamos scorchos, et's and tht tne's running free when in fact these people and yourself should be put to sleep.

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:42 AM, vergas buey said:

Please stay where you are; you do not seem like you are capable of integrating into society on any meaningful level by the sound of this and previous posts. Please do not feel like you need to subject society to your obviously blighted and retarded worldview. There are already enough vamos scorchos, et's and tht tne's running free when in fact these people and yourself should be put to sleep.

whoa there! read the fucking rules!

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:45 AM, tht tne said:

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:42 AM, vergas buey said:

Please stay where you are; you do not seem like you are capable of integrating into society on any meaningful level by the sound of this and previous posts. Please do not feel like you need to subject society to your obviously blighted and retarded worldview. There are already enough vamos scorchos, et's and tht tne's running free when in fact these people and yourself should be put to sleep.

 

whoa there! read the fucking rules!

whatever bro, you obviously need to be put to sleep

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:42 AM, vergas buey said:

Please stay where you are; you do not seem like you are capable of integrating into society on any meaningful level by the sound of this and previous posts. Please do not feel like you need to subject society to your obviously blighted and retarded worldview. There are already enough vamos scorchos, et's and tht tne's running free when in fact these people and yourself should be put to sleep.

jesus stfu

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:48 AM, Hoodie said:

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:45 AM, tht tne said:

  On 9/18/2010 at 12:42 AM, vergas buey said:

Please stay where you are; you do not seem like you are capable of integrating into society on any meaningful level by the sound of this and previous posts. Please do not feel like you need to subject society to your obviously blighted and retarded worldview. There are already enough vamos scorchos, et's and tht tne's running free when in fact these people and yourself should be put to sleep.

 

whoa there! read the fucking rules!

 

whatever bro, you obviously need to be put to sleep

i do feel a li'l nap comin' on

dunno man thats 1 tough decision.....!!!!

*writes something to be able to keep track of this rolling fail in "my content"*