View Full Version : If you regularly masturbate your K9 police dog you'll have greater control of it ?

**Alzado** · September 28, 2010

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/archive/index.php/t-537660.html

LOL

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Straight Dope Message Board > Main > General Questions > If you regularly masturbate your K9 police dog you'll have greater control of it - Any validity?
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View Full Version : If you regularly masturbate your K9 police dog you'll have greater control of it - Any validity?

astro

10-28-2009, 06:25 AM

Seems like an odd belief. Any validity to this hypothesis that wanking your dog will make him more compliant?

Five correctional officers charged in dog fondling (http://www2.starexponent.com/cse/news/state_regional/article/five_correctional_officers_charged_in_dog_fondling/45964/)

Facing misdemeanor animal-cruelty charges are Kelvin Thompson, 25, who works at Green Rock Correctional Center in Chatham; Melvin Boone, 40, who worked at the state prison in Sussex County; Adam R. Webb, 27, and Cheri Campbell, 35, who work at Nottoway Correctional Center; and Anthony Eldridge, 33, a sergeant who worked at Nottoway.

Powhatan Commonwealth’s Attorney Robert B. Beasley Jr. said Thompson “allegedly had some sexual contact with the animal.“ The male dog, a German shepherd or shepherd mix, was not harmed, he said.

“Essentially, he was touching the dog’s penis with his hand,“ Beasley said. “The others were there filming it. That’s actually how we learned of it — there’s a video.“

A corrections employee saw the video and reported it to a superior, Beasley said.

The events occurred between June 16 and Aug. 1, according to arrest warrants. All five officers were charged Oct. 2 by summons.

Terry N. Grimes, a Roanoke attorney representing Thompson, said his client planned to plead not guilty but admitted to fondling the animal.

“I would characterize it as hazing,“ he said, claiming that Thompson was told by the others, “If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.“

DrFidelius

10-28-2009, 06:47 AM

Was this before or after they told him about the snipes in the basement? Damn, those correctional officers have imaginative hazings.

(I do not know specifically about K-9 or security dog training, but masturbation is not now and never has been to my knowledge a recommended training reward.)

ivan astikov

10-28-2009, 06:48 AM

A bone, yes; a boner - totally unheard of!

Adds a completely new meaning to "man's best friend" tho'.

An Arky

10-28-2009, 07:00 AM

Hmmm, candidates for a Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercial (Mr. K-9 masturbator.......)?... and Bob McDonnell has a 15% lead in the governor's race. Sweet Home, Virginia, indeed.

Inigo Montoya

10-28-2009, 07:08 AM

Username (http://www.scarlet.nl/~ivo/photo_ASTRO5.JPEG) post combo. Interesting theory though. I'd like someone else to do the reasearch.

DrFidelius

10-28-2009, 07:10 AM

Think of wolf-pack dynamics. Subservient males do not get their rocks off (with other members of the pack) and they certainly do not service the alpha male.

I suppose that actively encouraging the dog to mount you might be more disruptive of training and discipline, but not by much.

johnpost

10-28-2009, 08:40 AM

it would train the dog to come when you call.

also you might have trouble getting the dog to chase or pursue anyone. Guard, "go". Dog, "i'm not leaving your side, you're my right hand i wish i had".

Skammer

10-28-2009, 08:54 AM

This is a rumor started by K9 police dogs.

Machine Elf

10-28-2009, 08:59 AM

Adds a completely new meaning to "man's best friend" tho'.

Man's best friend with benefits?

Hampshire

10-28-2009, 09:05 AM

with a knick-knack paddy-whack

GIVE THE DOG A BONE!

Bricker

10-28-2009, 09:07 AM

Seems like an odd belief. Any validity to this hypothesis that wanking your dog will make him more compliant?

Five correctional officers charged in dog fondling (http://www2.starexponent.com/cse/news/state_regional/article/five_correctional_officers_charged_in_dog_fondling/45964/)

No one's seriously advancing that theory.

“I would characterize it as hazing,“ he said, claiming that Thompson was told by the others, “If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.“

They told him that to haze him, to convince him to perform the act.

And for what it's worth, as a matter of law I don't believe that masturbating a dog is "cruelty to animals" as defined in Virginia.

bup

10-28-2009, 09:41 AM

And for what it's worth, as a matter of law I don't believe that masturbating a dog is "cruelty to animals" as defined in Virginia."Honestly, officer, she's into S&M."

lieu

10-28-2009, 09:57 AM

So what'd he use... K-9 Jelly?

jayjay

10-28-2009, 10:21 AM

So what'd he use... K-9 Jelly?

By the time he got that, it'd be too late...

Freddy the Pig

10-28-2009, 10:41 AM

Is it possible to masturbate a dog? Will the dog let you do it?

Shodan

10-28-2009, 10:59 AM

All I know is, once you start jerking off a police dog, you better not stop.

Regards,

Shodan

chique

10-28-2009, 02:41 PM

A long time ago I followed a link which led to an article written by a woman who explained in detail how to train your male dog to...er...

Yeah.

Yet another item on my "Man, I really didn't need to know about that" list.

Duke

10-28-2009, 02:46 PM

James Ellroy referred to this in one of his novels, probably The Cold Six Thousand. Although I'm sure the idea came from his whacked-out mind and had no grounds in reality.

Khadaji

10-28-2009, 02:56 PM

Is it possible to masturbate a dog? Will the dog let you do it?

Yes, a vet will do it for artificial insemination. Not just dogs, but other animals.

James Herbert tells a funny story about using an artificial vagina on a bull. You were supposed to fill it with warm water to help make it feel more real, but they made the water too hot and apparently the bull was not amused.

Ron White talks about his vet doing it and offering to teach him how so that he doesn't have to bring it in - he says no thanks, the dog follows me around too much as it is. The entire bit was very funny.

billfish678

10-28-2009, 02:58 PM

All I know is, once you start jerking off a police dog, you better not stop.

Regards,

Shodan

Its all good if you know German.

Thats my story and I am sticking to it.

Jack Batty

10-28-2009, 03:02 PM

All I know is that if someone came around to my cube every day to give me a handjob, I'd do what the hell he asked me to.

Wait. I think that came out wrong.

jayjay

10-28-2009, 03:03 PM

James Herbert tells a funny story about using an artificial vagina on a bull. You were supposed to fill it with warm water to help make it feel more real, but they made the water too hot and apparently the bull was not amused.

I remember that scene from the books. One of the more memorable moments.

James Herriott, btw

Khadaji

10-28-2009, 03:10 PM

I remember that scene from the books. One of the more memorable moments.

James Herriott, btw

:D Thank you for the correction. Man, it sucks getting old! There was a day when I wouldn't have done that.

billfish678

10-28-2009, 03:11 PM

All I know is that if someone came around to my cube every day to give me a handjob, I'd do what the hell he asked me to.

Wait. I think that came out wrong.

"Pink slip" indeedy...talk about hard economic times.

tr0psn4j

10-28-2009, 04:07 PM

Yes, a vet will do it for artificial insemination. Not just dogs, but other animals.

James Herbert tells a funny story about using an artificial vagina on a bull. You were supposed to fill it with warm water to help make it feel more real, but they made the water too hot and apparently the bull was not amused.

Ron White talks about his vet doing it and offering to teach him how so that he doesn't have to bring it in - he says no thanks, the dog follows me around too much as it is. The entire bit was very funny.