Attention needed: rules of verbal politeness

So I'm starting this new job on Monday and it requires me to speak extremely good and polite english over the phone, which is not my mother tongue. I'm gonna have to deal with upper crust gentlemen and my employer warned me about them being picky on words.

My question is : what are the rules and vocabulary I should know to speak very polite english ?

I know that I ought to use "shall" and "may", but what else ? What are the typical politeness phrases to use on the phone ? "please hold the line " ? etc....

HELP !!!

surely your employer should provide appropriate training on how to handle your calls?

Well, they actually need someone who speaks perfect english because they are having problems doing it themselves. Since I own a proficiency certificate (which I didn't deserve), they went like "we need you so much".

oh right, well just remember to say please and thank you a lot and you'll be ok. there's no such thing as polite English really, just English. as long as you don't say innit and mate, you won't have any problems...

I dont think this is something you will just learn with a few tips over the internet. You'll need a bit of practise. Remember the first time you masturbated? It took 45 minutes before you finally emit a small quantity of blood. Why would you want to ejaculate blood over highly proficient English speakers?

Go to the local bookstore and buy a used grammar textbook or manual.

If you want to get real hardcore, go for this...

http://www.amazon.com/Chicago-Manual-Style-University-Press/dp/0226104036

When referring to yourself or others use the term "one" "I must say one finds that most delightful!" or "Would one like to partake in said service?"

  On 10/2/2010 at 6:28 PM, Rambo said:

I dont think this is something you will just learn with a few tips over the internet. You'll need a bit of practise. Remember the first time you masturbated? It took 45 minutes before you finally emit a small quantity of blood. Why would you want to ejaculate blood over highly proficient English speakers?

  On 10/2/2010 at 6:32 PM, blackdust said:

When referring to yourself or others use the term "one" "I must say one finds that most delightful!" or "Would one like to partake in said service?"

That's the kind of advice I'm looking for. Thanks a lot. Have more ?

Also, what's the importance of the understatement in english ? Is it required ?

How about the use of "Sir" ? should it be constantly used ?

yes, constantly

especially to the women

Rambo.

What's the equivalent of "Sir" for women ?

babe

Be on your best behaviour and everything will work out just fine. There are a few morons out there who wants to addressed as "sir" and so on but they can go cram a golden spoon up their asses.

  On 10/2/2010 at 6:48 PM, Rambo said:

babe

That or 'fox' or 'dirty little cum dumpster'

lol, just a joke of mine that we all enjoyed.

Madam i think

  On 10/2/2010 at 6:49 PM, Squee said:

Be on your best behaviour and everything will work out just fine. There are a few morons out there who wants to addressed as "sir" and so on but they can go cram a golden spoon up their asses.

Definitely agree. If you arent a native English speaker, i can promise you that clarity and being understood is far, far more important than anything else.

its very important being polite when your talking to those in english ive seen. also try your best to understanding the grammer (somtimes its confusing)

just talk like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpQVIlWPmac

Be sure you know how to handle calls like this:

  On 10/2/2010 at 5:45 PM, the anonymous forumite said:

So I'm starting this new job on Monday and it requires me to speak extremely good well and polite english over the phone, which is not my mother tongue. I'm gonna have to deal with upper crust class gentlemen and my employer warned me about them being picky particular on words.

 

 

 

HELP!!! assistance please.