One Foot Off The Bed

The guido is to be placed, face down, on the bed and, most importantly, one leg must be hanging off the bed at all times? Why is this? Well, there was a spell placed on The Original Guido (whose name is so sacred it can not be written down on paper or anything that might be mistaken for paper) by an evil witch. This spell says that if the Original Guido or any of his subsequent heirs gets so inebriated that he falls over, the effects of the liquor will be lifted off his body and he will be completely sober again. But how does that translate to one leg being left off the bed? Well, if a drunk person lying in bed has one foot hanging off the mattress and tries to roll over in the middle of the night, he will naturally roll toward the dangling appendage, sending him falling off the bed. Once he hits the ground, he will be immediately sober and free from the terrors of puke breath.

There is nothing a guido hates more than losing a good buzz, so they don't allow each other to fall over and lose their hard-won state of drunkenness unless it is a life or death circumstance. Now, if a person is so drunk that he must be put down and his leg weren't hanging off the bed, he might roll over onto his back and then, if he vomits in his sleep, he will choke on the vomit and die. But even worse than death, he will die with puke breath. This means that his eternal soul will go to the worst hell imaginable. In it everyone is pale with flat hair, saggy skin, and no muscles. All the clothing covers them from head to toe, there is no music or dancing allowed, there is no alcohol to be found and fighting, hooking up, and cursing are banned. Yes, this is the eternal torture that awaits a guido who dies with puke breath.

Now that we have learned the maneuver that not only saves a guido's life but also his eternal soul, let us learn two new words that will help us understand their internal conflicts~~

i cant stand sleeping with one foot out of the covers, let alone off the bed..

i always feel like aliens are going to tickle my toes in the night

or probe them

i understand your compulsions fully, maximus. i was merely presenting this anthropolozzical tidbit for watmm's consideration.

  On 3/29/2011 at 9:05 AM, MAXIMUS MISCHIEF said:

i always feel like aliens are going to tickle my toes in the night

Fucking lol... I feel your pain.

MY TOES CANNOT BE EXPOSED

OR I WILL MEET CERTAIN DOOM

what if you had to keep your neck covered, or vampires would sneak up and bite you???

Garlic. Lots of garlic.

im safe as long as my wheelie chair and desk lamp cast shadows on the ceiling in the correct pattern.

i almost always sleep with one leg out of the covers.

  On 3/29/2011 at 9:03 AM, hahathhat said:

Well, if a drunk person lying in bed has one foot hanging off the mattress and tries to roll over in the middle of the night, he will naturally roll toward the dangling appendage, sending him falling off the bed.

This is so unrealistic. You obviously know nothing about drunks.

this shit is like huck finn. i present it as-is so people can argue about it

90% of the time I sleep with the hood on my head. feels very confortable and safe

you must purchase a cloak for dark and stormy nights.

Any sleepwalkers? stories thereof?

The closest I've come to sleepwalking is waking up in the middle of the night with my left arm pointing straight up into the air. This would happen alot during my childhood.

According to some of my mates I also used to sleep with my eyes wide open, staring blankly up at the ceiling. Scared them shitless on sleepovers

once i woke up with a start -- shit, i fell asleep after shutting my alarm off! dash through the shower... toss a muffin in the toaster, check the ti- what the fuck? it's 4am. i'm going back to bed.

later, dad asked why there was an uncooked muffin left in the toaster.

Sometimes if I wake up in a dream where I'm running, I find myself actually moving my arms and legs. That's about it.

And when I fall asleep I make a little nest of blankets, comforters, and pillows and curl up in the middle. Ideally, at least.

there's this victorian ideal of a double box-spring, taut matress cover, three layers of crisp sheets.... it's got to go. a mattress and some animal skins is 2012

I never sleep.

  On 3/30/2011 at 6:14 PM, Sprigg said:

I never sleep.

was that supposed to be posted in the charlie sheen thread?