@lol

saw these taken from twitter comedy people on some site somewhere. thought they were funny. fuck it.

  Quote

Feed a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Feed a fish a man and he’ll eat for like two and a half months

@rainwilson

 

As my 5 year-old son and I carved the pumpkin today, I swear I heard him say, “That’s what happens to snitches.”

@ConanOBrien

 

Had my son’s hearing tested because he’s always yelling. Turns out he’s just an asshole

@kellyoxford

 

I like my women the way I like my Star Wars films – At least 27 years old & never having had Hayden Christensen in them.

@elibraden

 

A super quick way to look really disturbing is to walk through the rain really slowly without trying to cover yourself at all.

@mindykaling

 

TBS you don’t need to announce “you are watching the wizard of oz” over the shot of Dorothy walking down the fucking yellow brick road.

@timheidecker

 

I am eating that dense German health bread that is the size and weight of a thick leather wallet.

@hodgman

 

12 string guitars only have 6 extra strings, but they’re 85 TIMES as likely to be used in a song about wizards.

@robdelaney

 

Just visited MySpace. Half the lights are out, bears are living in my comments section, and a homeless guy’s been pooping in my blog.

@pattonoswal

 

If someone says they’re only human, give them a second look. That sure does sound like something a robot would say.

@ladybirdj

 

Your funky hat lets me know that you’re crazy.

@SarahKSilverman

 

Finding the perfect analogy is like balancing a muffin on a pencil.

@Randazzoj

 

I think I could fake sign language myself out of a jam.

@thesulk

 

Sometimes playing catch is very similar to throwing things at a child in a backyard.

@DemetriMartin

 

“Ok, sure.” -Nicolas Cage, after reading any script.

@friedmanjon

 

That cop says I should go to jail for smoking PCP in my car, but I say that cop should go to jail for being a saber-toothed tiger.

@meganamram

 

I think more than one company should be allowed to sell Monopoly.

@JudahWorldChamp

Some good jokes. Shit thread is justified for a second.

  Quote

12 string guitars only have 6 extra strings, but they’re 85 TIMES as likely to be used in a song about wizards.

@robdelaney

i lolled

  Quote

That cop says I should go to jail for smoking PCP in my car, but I say that cop should go to jail for being a saber-toothed tiger.

@meganamram

herher

  On 5/16/2011 at 5:49 PM, Gary C said:

Some good jokes. Shit thread is justified for a second.

are you calling my thread shit? are you??

laughed at several. warmed up a supershitty day.

thanks bcm!

  Quote

A super quick way to look really disturbing is to walk through the rain really slowly without trying to cover yourself at all.

@mindykaling

flol!

  On 5/16/2011 at 5:49 PM, LUDD said:

  Quote

12 string guitars only have 6 extra strings, but they’re 85 TIMES as likely to be used in a song about wizards.

@robdelaney

 

i lolled

yeah this was the best one.

"Finding the perfect analogy is like balancing a muffin on a pencil."

genius

ReLols

loleee

  On 5/16/2011 at 7:23 PM, Smuckers said:

That's so bad. Just bad.

ROFL

Heres something better

http://twitter.com/#!/oldmansearch