A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door.

The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."

Gotta go fast

a man walks into a bar.

he is an alcoholic, and his addiction is tearing his family apart.

an englishman, an irishman, and a scotsman walk into a bar.

the barman is liberal and congratulates them for their ability to overcome cultural barriers.

how many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

one, providing he brings the correct tools.

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.

how many canadians does it take to reiterate a joke?

one.

that isn't even funny.

so, a priest and a rabbi are sitting watching kids play in a park

a child who looks like they might grow up to be an attractive adult runs past them

the priest nudges the rabbi and says 'wanna fuck her?'

the rabbi is horrified and calls the authorities

  On 6/3/2011 at 4:39 AM, luke viia said:

I like this one

  On 6/3/2011 at 4:34 AM, essines said:

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

and this one

  On 6/3/2011 at 4:43 AM, kaini said:

so, a priest and a rabbi are sitting watching kids play in a park

a child who looks like they might grow up to be an attractive adult runs past them

the priest nudges the rabbi and says 'wanna fuck her?'

the rabbi is horrified and calls the authorities

lol

Haha Kaini I like your jokes too. Really clever. :)

no, don't

a man walks into a post office. he says to the cashier, "i'd like three stamps.'

the cashier says, "OK, that'll be a dollar thirty-two."

the man says, "Oh, i don't have any money."

where is that barrack obama

a man walks into a bar

he sustains substantial contusions to his forehead and luckily his friends call an ambulance before he can develop concussion.

  On 6/3/2011 at 4:34 AM, kaini said:

how many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. A lightbulb can be easily changed without any specialist training.

fixed.

I like my non-jokes like I like my women - plain and technically accurate.

  On 6/3/2011 at 4:30 AM, No Don said:

The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."

No Don't :(

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"

no dont is my favorite member

That is beautiful!

What's brown and sticky?

  On 6/3/2011 at 12:18 PM, spratters said:

What's brown and sticky?

A STICK!

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side.

edit: contributed by gf

a guy walks into a bar and says, "i need twelve shots of whiskey!"

the bartender says, "our policy is a maximum of two drinks per customer per purchase."

Knock knock.

Who's there?