bible talk

anyone else think the new testament is super homoerotic?

i saw the kids in the hall live a while back and scott thompson did this buddy cole monologue where he said the same thing. i mean a dude, who wears sandals a lot, wandering around the desert with 12 fishermen and drinking loads of wine? GAY AS FUCK

i imagine jesus' feet where magnificiantly pedicured

  On 7/11/2011 at 2:10 AM, dese manz hatin said:

i imagine jesus' feet where magnetically procured

Id love to see kids in the hall. Jealous

Jesus wouldn't be classified as a "bear". He wasn't muscular or fat enough. But his beard and wisdom also disqualify him from "twink" status. Mary Magdalene most likely had a fuzzy, scruffy muff, because who even had time to shave back then? But yeah, the Bible changed my life, etc.

yeah Jesus is definitely hot.

Also, I will never understand the God of the old testament, why is he so wicked and vicious for no reason at all? Why does he have to make a point to reject Cain and make he feel all bad about himself? It is a terrible thing to do.

bibble babble

anyway, is this for realsies?

looks perfectly legitimate to me

II Kings 2:23-24

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.

Ezekiel 23:19-20

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

Judges 15:15-16

15 Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.

16 Then Samson said,

“With a donkey’s jawbone

I have made donkeys of them.[a]

With a donkey’s jawbone

I have killed a thousand men.”

1 Samuel 18:25-27

25 Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

Judges 3:19-25 ESV

And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bar3GOzDNzg

My theory is also that Jesus was executed not because of his preachings, but because of Judas being highly uncomfortable with the rampant orgy of the disciples after the last supper and thus reported him in as a flaming homosexual.

  On 7/11/2011 at 4:58 AM, rumbo said:

you would wonder if he let them stick it in that hole there

won't be surprised if there's a name for that

  On 7/11/2011 at 7:29 AM, ghOsty said:

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

 

11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

 

 

w-

was this a common thing? lololol

Leviticus 19:27

You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.

In the old testament the word "Faith" is used twice, the word "Foreskin" is used a hell of a lot more

  On 7/11/2011 at 5:22 AM, m u st co n t r ol t h o 4 said:

yeah Jesus is definitely hot.

 

Also, I will never understand the God of the old testament, why is he so wicked and vicious for no reason at all?

because nature is indifferent to human welfare.