Ketamine works like ITV2

RECREATIONAL mule tranquiliser ketamine affects the mind in a similar way to programmes about Peter Andre, experts have claimed.

Research into the effects of the drug on the human mind has revealed direct parallels with ITV2's sub-lowest-common-denominator series about abs, sunshine and vaginas.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Ketamine produces a sense of disengagement from reality, a literal mind-numbing which can be pleasurable in small doses but if taken to excess will make you shit your brain out.

"Now remove the word 'ketamine' from that last sentence and replace it with Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter or The Vampire Diaries."

He added: "Hopefully this discovery will allow us to help ITV2 users by weaning them off Gossip Girl and onto increasingly large doses of ketamine. Mental health-wise there are no substantial benefits but at least they'll make less noise."

Veterinary anaesthetic ketamine was introduced into the club scene in 2001 after it was discovered that unconscious horses were actually having a wicked time.

Ketamine fan Stephen Malley, from Swindon, said: "As befits someone who snorts evil-smelling crystals off of speakers at illegal techno parties, I'm not concerned about K's 'long-term health effects'. To me 'long term' means 'tomorrow'.

“However I am alarmed that it might be a gateway drug for aspirational television.

"And come to think of it, I did recently find myself, for no apparent reason, wondering what Peter Andre has for his tea."

Often used to make horses faint

Original!

I love the dailymash, its the best "newspaper" there is.

Thanks for introducing me to this site, holy fucking lol. It's like a modern The Day Today.

lol

ketamine is weird. i read somewhere one time, an article by a professor, that ketamine produces experiences at high doses almost exactly the same as near death experience.

dunno if it's true, but after snorting a little and wondering wtf just happened to my brain 30 minutes later, I don't doubt it.

  On 7/25/2011 at 2:07 AM, fiznuthian said:

 

dunno if it's true, but after snorting a little and wondering wtf just happened to my brain 30 minutes later, I don't doubt it.

that sounds just like salvia or too many tabs of acid (well, not 30 minutes later) for me

i would like to try ketamine but i have ~specific requirements~ like IM injection of non-street, vet-grade etc. so it's probably never gonna happen.

  On 7/25/2011 at 2:35 AM, underscore said:

  On 7/25/2011 at 2:07 AM, fiznuthian said:

 

dunno if it's true, but after snorting a little and wondering wtf just happened to my brain 30 minutes later, I don't doubt it.

 

that sounds just like salvia or too many tabs of acid (well, not 30 minutes later) for me

http://www.mindspring.com/~scottr/nde/jansen1.html

here's the article, there's more too.. written by Dr. Karl Jansen

Yeah i'm sure salvia can definitely produce deathly visions, acid too in high doses.

But something about ketamine mimics NDEs, i'd need to read it again

  On 7/25/2011 at 2:49 AM, hahathhat said:

i would like to try ketamine but i have ~specific requirements~ like IM injection of non-street, vet-grade etc. so it's probably never gonna happen.

yeah how do people get K so easily if its veterinary medicine?

they have obviously befriended vets, and not the ones from vietnam

(that's when they last gave ketamine to humans, yes?)

Can we stop discussing drug use and get back to the topic of The Daily Mash? This thread's gonna get locked.

  On 7/25/2011 at 3:05 AM, Rhombix said:

Can we stop discussing drug use and get back to the topic of The Daily Mash? This thread's gonna get locked.

well EXCUSE ME SIR, the thread title is "Ketamine works like ITV2" and not "The Daily Mash."

myself, i saw the topic and thought, "Is ITV2 one of those neurothingies like 5HT? Or is this some new lab chemical??"

same here. fine.

is the daily mash an english version of the onion?

is cornwall an english vermont?

  On 7/25/2011 at 2:51 AM, fiznuthian said:

 

 

yeah how do people get K so easily if its veterinary medicine?

vet students gots to pay for school somehow...

my girlfriend is a vet

  On 7/25/2011 at 8:21 AM, feltcher said:

my girlfriend loves ket

on weed

  On 7/25/2011 at 8:57 AM, abusivegeorge said:

  On 7/25/2011 at 8:21 AM, feltcher said:

my girlfriend sells ket

just popping in to say who is that chick and why is she relevant to the article?

you are missing the point.

  On 7/25/2011 at 4:41 PM, theSun said:

just popping in to say who is that chick and why is she relevant to the article?

Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter or The Vampire Diaries produces a sense of disengagement from reality, a literal mind-numbing which can be pleasurable in small doses but if taken to excess will make you shit your brain out.