I kissed a stray cat

Three things. Firstly, my parent's have befriended a stray cat. Secondly, my mother is mysophobic. Thirdly, I'ma dick.

So, every time you pet "Stumpy" (he/she only has half a tail), my mum is there loitering with a bottle of alcohol hand gel.

I thought it would be interesting to see her reaction to me giving Stumpy a (human) mouth to (feline) nose kiss.

She is now convinced that I am infected with Bubonic plague and that it's only a matter of time before we are coughing up our kidneys and ting.

Happy Mother's Day!

Weird thing is, I am starting to feel ill. Mind games.

Cat bite infection.

not only is this whole thread hilarious, but "I kissed a stray cat because i'm obnoxious" is the best thread title in recent memory.

Pushin parent's buttons, str8 Plummin'!

Similarly, Christmas eve I ate some rather dubious king prawns to prove a point about use by dates. I was quite sick that night.

Mind games.

I kissed a stray cat, and I liked it.

  On 3/1/2012 at 12:34 AM, kaini said:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis

Oh fuck.

Edit: tell me that i'll be alright Kaini. Tell me!

That's how Tommy died in Trainspotting BTW. Might as well take up heroin while you still have the time!

This thread aint funny any more.

it might have given you conjunctavitis

is gunky shit starting to build up in your eyes?

or worms, maybe worms

(out your ass, not your eyes)

Did Tommy kiss the cat that killed him? I need to know.

nah, he just did loads of smack and rolled around in a fragrant mixture of his own filth and the cat's. i'm sure you'll be grand.

I wonder if Stumpy is regretting our kiss as much as I am. He/she is probably posting about it on a forum right now...

Oh wait no he/she isn't because he/she is a stray and doesn't have Internets.

I saw a hooker once.

That's kind of like a stray pussy?

  On 2/29/2012 at 11:37 PM, Plum said:

So, every time you pet "Stumpy" (he/she only has half a tail)

lol, you said you'd pet your Semi (or your Stumpy, whatever)

  Quote

my mum is there loitering with a bottle of alcohol

she's sick and she's going to stay sick

My fish died today. He had gunk in his gills.

did he glug, then gallantly give up the ghost? RIP fish.

it's kinda hard to feel bad about a fish dying, though.

Well theres two other lads in bowl so I reckon theyre more broken up about it. At least the probably were, dunno if they remember there was a 3rd one now.

  On 3/1/2012 at 12:38 AM, Plum said:

  On 3/1/2012 at 12:34 AM, kaini said:

http://en.wikipedia....i/Toxoplasmosis

 

Oh fuck.

 

 

Edit: tell me that i'll be alright Kaini. Tell me!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Wain

  On 3/1/2012 at 2:07 AM, chassis said:

Well theres two other lads in bowl so I reckon theyre more broken up about it. At least the probably were, dunno if they remember there was a 3rd one now.

someone explain to me why i find this post fucking hilarious.

i have this mental image of the other lads swimming round in circles thinking 'aw, bollocks. john died. this sucks.'

the story about the fish is terrible :(

  On 3/1/2012 at 2:06 AM, kaini said:

did he glug, then gallantly give up the ghost?

*cough hack cough* i've always... i've always wanted to say *hack* i loved you *horrible cough, with blood*

the fish is probably as "gutted" as i am, if you know what's good for you..

haven't read any previous posts (that's simply how i roll) but i regularly lick my cat's forehead to et him know that i'm there to groom him (cause that's how we roll)

et = let

say, exactly how thoroughly would (or do) you groom him?

i just spent a few moments observing my cat cleansing her bum with tongue