I need a joke

I'm supposed to make people laugh with a single joke at this dinner thing I'm going to. Any suggestions?

Jokes must be reasonably kid friendly.

whats brown and sticky ? A STICK

Root5 asks an internet forum for an halpful joke

Fuck him!

Abbath and Varg were sitting in bath

Abbath farted and Varg was flat

pick a girl at the dinner and do this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rgbYzyXJyE

2 peanuts were walking down the road, one was a-salted..

what do you get when you cross Luke Perry and a wheel barrow?

*insert bad Lou Reed joke*

  On 10/27/2013 at 9:04 PM, phling said:

*insert bad Lou Reed joke*

Why did Lou Reed die in the age of 72 ? Probably because of heavy drug usage in the past.

  On 10/27/2013 at 9:08 PM, eugene said:

 

  On 10/27/2013 at 9:04 PM, phling said:

*insert bad Lou Reed joke*

Why did Lou Reed die in the age of 72 ? Probably because of heavy drug usage in the past.

 

whats brown and sticky and in the news at the moment ? lou reed holding a stick !!!!

sorry

That man's hat is rather grimy

  On 10/27/2013 at 9:25 PM, Timothy Forward said:

That man's hat is rather grimy

he doesn't give a fuck.

why didn't the sanitary towel like the tampon?

Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

you what sorry?

*Knock knock*

Who's there?

The police, your wife's been found dead.

I guess, because of WATMM, the part about child friendly was missed. How about this one....

Did you hear about the lonely prisoner?

He was in his cell.

(n.b. - may require provincial accent)

  On 10/27/2013 at 10:39 PM, MadameChaos said:

you what sorry?

I had to trawl through some really terrible jokes to find that gem!

I liked it man - went on a winding tale of mysterious things before coming together !

"Did you hear about the new Aphex Twin Album coming out in December?"

...

...

...

...

...

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. Then the nurse came.

At that point, she whispered the 5 words no man wants to hear: "Who the fuck was that?"

...

I walked into my dads bedroom and under the bed I saw a suitcase half open. My curiosity got the better of me so I opened the case in it was a leather mask, a leather cape, crutchless leather shorts and a leather whip..... I couldn't fkin believe it....my dad. . . . . . .a super hero!!!

...

Try this puzzle

This maths sequence can predict your favorite film...mine was Star Wars. Not sure how it works but it does!!

Pick a number between 1-9

Multiply by 3

Add 3 to

that

number

Multiply again

by 3

Add the two digits together

3. Oliver Twist

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. Saving Private Ryan

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Goats and Leather-clad, Oiled-up Lady Boys.

10.Mary Poppins

...

They may need tweaking slightly.

find the nearest small child, kneel down in front of them, look them in the eye, hold their shoulders, then crap your pants & start screaming. don't stop doing either of these things until you pass out or you see colon

What do you call a donkey with wings?

A Pegusass.