Does anyone else deal with family dysfunction?

to the point where it brings you almost constant anxiety? Not talking about the garden variety of "yeah my uncle drinks way too much on thanksgiving and shouts and argues about politics"

yup

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

Ohhhhhhh yes.. but as psn said, it's pretty normal.

yes

I pretty much only argue with my family, especially when my da is around. Dinners together usually descend into shouting matches before too long. It's funny when you go spend time with a friend's family and they're all nice and polite to each other, totally creeps me out. Or when we ever entertain people from 'functional' families, they tend to get weirded out by the whole thing as well. Whichever you grow up with seems normal I guess.

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:06 AM, psn said:

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:35 AM, Squee said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:06 AM, psn said:

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

 

my family get on absolutely perfectly. ive never known a single fight happen at any extended family meetup, and ive never known my mum and dad to argue. 

 

like not even heated disagreements.

Edited August 12, 2016 by messiaen

While I definitely agree that every family has its dysfunction, I think there are varying degrees of dysfunction, and of course the extent of which that dysfunction effects certain individuals. Such a complex thing it seems, and often goes back generations upon generations. 

 

Yeah in the case of my family (on one side of it), there's lots of narcissism, manipulation, passive aggressive behavior, martrydom, playing the victim, attempts to win certain family members over, ganging up/bullying, gossip, and all kinds of childish games that pulls everyone into the chaos.... and not mention being completely torn apart at this point separated into factions, who don't speak to each other, due to layers upon layers of resentment and antagonistic behavior. To top it off, cousins are turned against each other and their parents due to it. It's pretty sick. The other side of my family seems pretty healthy, unified and happy. Unfortunately, I was raised by the dysfunctional side. 

 

This wasn't a post to say my fam is more fucked up than others, just feeling pretty alone about it at the moment.

Edited August 12, 2016 by Lane Visitor

Your family needs MDMA

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:25 AM, AdieuErsatzEnnui said:

Your family needs MDMA

 

That would be awesome. Wish they had the self-awareness and courage to turn inward and face their issues. The idea of therapy still carries a stigma for them and even the mere mention of meditation is like a silly concept. What's weird is that I consider them intelligent and progressive (well not politically), and cultured and everything. Still, they act like bratty children on the regular.  

Edited August 12, 2016 by Lane Visitor

it just gets more complex with age. family dynamics is some shit.

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:54 AM, ignatius said:

it just gets more complex with age. family dynamics is some shit.

 

 that's the truth. i will say gen x and millennials seem a bit more chill than the baby boomers and those that came before them. i think there was a divide when gen x came- between the families and groups of people that put tradition, comfort, and certain societal values/standards over individualism, self-reflection, and global connectedness. Though many baby boomers seemed to have retained this, while the other half it seems stuck to the ways of their parents generation, and didn't discuss dysfunction, didn't have real open communication, didn't talk about feelings, etc.

Edited August 12, 2016 by Lane Visitor

Whenever you have feelings for your family just go pay for sex until you forget about them. *makes hand wiping motion*

Lol

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:38 AM, Lane Visitor said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:25 AM, AdieuErsatzEnnui said:

Your family needs MDMA

 

That would be awesome. Wish they had the self-awareness and courage to turn inward and face their issues. The idea of therapy still carries a stigma for them and even the mere mention of meditation is like a silly concept. What's weird is that I consider them intelligent and progressive (well not politically), and cultured and everything. Still, they act like bratty children on the regular.  

 

 

Yeah I talk about weed, meditation, yoga, and other introspective approaches like psychedelics and it's met with a very programmed sort of reaction generally.

 

I did talk about mescaline with my stepdad once and he seemed very enthusiastic. 

 

It's just that for most of them given what they've experienced through their lives they don't really approach the drugs with the same mindset younger folks do now.

I moved countries.

 

Still too close though (thanks internet).

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:05 AM, messiaen said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:35 AM, Squee said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:06 AM, psn said:

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

 

my family get on absolutely perfectly. ive never known a single fight happen at any extended family meetup, and ive never known my mum and dad to argue. 

 

like not even heated disagreements.

 

same

  On 8/12/2016 at 3:01 AM, AdieuErsatzEnnui said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:38 AM, Lane Visitor said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:25 AM, AdieuErsatzEnnui said:

Your family needs MDMA

That would be awesome. Wish they had the self-awareness and courage to turn inward and face their issues. The idea of therapy still carries a stigma for them and even the mere mention of meditation is like a silly concept. What's weird is that I consider them intelligent and progressive (well not politically), and cultured and everything. Still, they act like bratty children on the regular.

Yeah I talk about weed, meditation, yoga, and other introspective approaches like psychedelics and it's met with a very programmed sort of reaction generally.

 

I did talk about mescaline with my stepdad once and he seemed very enthusiastic.

 

It's just that for most of them given what they've experienced through their lives they don't really approach the drugs with the same mindset younger folks do now.

I know what you mean.. Its like they almost throw self awareness, therapy, meditation, self actualization, mindfulness and intentional living in with the same "bracket" as weed, lsd, pachouli, psychedelic music, hippies and polygamy like its some kind of novelty, gimmicky thing or phase. theyll say stuff like "yeah ya know ive done that stuff in my day, i was already into that whole stuff, but you go through it and then you grow up... At the end of the day, ya gotta come back to reality and go to work and do the laundry and put food on the table. Be successful, help your family, be a good person etc etc and youll be fine"

 

Its like the equivalent of us later generation acting as if interconnectedness of the 90s generation was just a craze of the 90s/00s cuz ya know we used the internet a lot, but then "got over it".

 

Honestly, FUCK that generation of the majority of them are still after all this time gonna remain mostly ignorant, stuck in their ways, traditionalist, subscribing to hierarchal authority, materialist, homophobic, bible thumping, racist, mysogynist, emotionally out of touch, status quo bullshit embracing, fearmongering mentally ill pricks. There I said, fuck our parents/grandparents' generation.

 

Oh and this: mad props to us for withstanding our dysfunctional ass families and rising above the bullshit and surviving and not becoming lunatics ourselves.

Edited August 12, 2016 by Lane Visitor

good to know it's normal :P

 from a one to ten were in the middle somewhere

Family, what's your function?

 

I think I turned out pretty okay.

alcoholism + politics = shitty holiday seasons

  On 8/12/2016 at 3:31 AM, lala said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 1:05 AM, messiaen said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:35 AM, Squee said:

 

  On 8/12/2016 at 12:06 AM, psn said:

If your family isn't dysfunctional, there's something seriously wrong.

This.

Every family has this problem. Even the most perfect families.

 

my family get on absolutely perfectly. ive never known a single fight happen at any extended family meetup, and ive never known my mum and dad to argue. 

 

like not even heated disagreements.

 

same

 

I can remember perhaps 2 arguments between my mum and dad in my whole life (lukewarm not heated). I heard my mum swear once in her life lol. Both my sisters are pretty cool and we all get on, though all three of us went through bad phases, me when I hit my thirties and my sisters in their teens. We don't really do extended family meetups, as aunties and uncles aren't geographically close.

 

Sorry, not much to report on the dysfunctional front.

Edited August 12, 2016 by beerwolf

We were perfect until we went and saw Ghostbusters as one big happy family unit.

We don't talk much anymore, and it's always.. well.. awkward. It's like no one wants to be around each other, and we're just around each other because we're family and not because we actually enjoy each other's company. I did have problems sleeping for the first few weeks, then found out that it's much easier to sleep when I remember the days when my family used to skip in the fields.

We have this huge 20 acre expanse in our big back yard where we used to partake in the activity. It's getting harder and harder to skip back there these days as weeds have overtaken much of it. No one simply cares enough to cut them anymore. I know I don't.

It's as if there are weeds growing between the rift in our hearts.


 

fucking grey gardens over here