Pseudo Friends or No Friends At All?

I've silently debated this topic a lot the past few years.  Do you keep around shitty friends just to have friends?  Should you drop them out of your life?  If you drop them all out you will end up with nobody.  Are unreliable friends better than no friends at all?

Discuss.

I'd say drop out half of them

being a cold hearted and overtly pragmatic cunt I nearly always opt for the latter. Somehow I still manage to have people around to socialise with though. I still don't consider them friends.

I have Best Friend and a Brother I always talk to

who I Trust completely with Love:)

Lots of people want to hang out from work

I never do

I hang out with them at work, Ha!

but yeah

I don't have many True Friends

because

because

people

which I'm slowly getting better at being around:)

tbc...

  On 5/12/2019 at 8:25 PM, kichiguy said:

 

Expand  

Fair Weather Friends:)

Drop them all. Unreliable friends are not friends. Learn to enjoy loneliness, your time is precious, use it wisely.

If someone consistently makes you feel like shit about yourself then let them go. Sometimes you have to persevere with relationships though. There has to be some give and take on both sides. 

  On 5/12/2019 at 7:47 PM, lyst said:

I've silently debated this topic a lot the past few years.  Do you keep around shitty friends just to have friends?  Should you drop them out of your life?  If you drop them all out you will end up with nobody.  Are unreliable friends better than no friends at all?

Discuss.

it depends. nobody's perfect. so depending on what those shitty friends do, and whether or not you'll see them often in your life anyways... you can't always drop them. and sometimes you shouldn't either. and what do you mean with unreliable? again, it depends.

Everybody on WATMM is my true friend.

I'd rather have no friends than shitty friends

No friends is always preferable to fake ones.

I have a best friend turned unreliable... It hurts. I've talked to him about it but since he got his gf they are inseparable.  I have one friend that i see every week. I lost a lot of friends after highschool but I'm alright having just a couple.

  On 5/12/2019 at 11:25 PM, yekker said:

I have a best friend turned unreliable... It hurts. I've talked to him about it but since he got his gf they are inseparable.  I have one friend that i see every week. I lost a lot of friends after highschool but I'm alright having just a couple.

 

Similar occurrence with my best friend / college room-mate.  He never was a guy that set anything up or took initiative, and I was ok with that.  But now that he is engaged to a girl that is the complete opposite-- super controlling and plans out his life-- he just does whatever she wants.  

It was a few weeks in a row of me hitting him up and him hanging out with her family and her friends every single time.  Eventually I was like OK man, I see your prerogative now, bye.  And I haven't talked to him since.  Sad.

Or just read the How To Make Friends thread on WATMM

Excellent suggestion

Keep the ones you can call a cunt and get rid of the actual cunts.

my only friend is hello spiral

You ain't no friend of mine, pal

  On 5/12/2019 at 11:50 PM, Stickfigger said:

That seems a little immature tbh. Hit him up and ask what a good time to hang is and that you feel as tho he is v hard to get a hold of these days and u wanna catch up . If the person shoots back a non commital response then your first instincts are justified . 

 

If you have no friends there is only so much of this that you can pin on others . Work on being someone that people want to be around. Make sure people's lives are better as a consequence of knowing you and you will be able to pick your friends 

Expand  

Hm.  I see your point but not sure if I agree.  My problem is that I have such high standards for people i regard as friends because I feel like I give the world to others-- so they should in return.

I've always had tons of friends, big cliques, close friends, etc.  It is only the past couple years that I began really widdeling it down.  If the only reason you ever hit me up is because you want to drink or party, and you cannot have a friendship that evolves past that, then there's no point in having your friendship IMO.  Had this with a few guys.  I'd like text them during the week about a movie or book or music drop, no response.  Come Friday, "Hey man you trying to drink tonight?"  Like what I said never happened.  That shit's infantile, not me.

  On 5/13/2019 at 1:22 AM, lyst said:

 If the only reason you ever hit me up is because you want to drink or party.

This is the gap some people need to fill in their lives. Your choice if you want to be a part of it or not but it doesn't necessarily mean they're shitty friends. Friends aren't necessarily there to fulfill whatever your relationship needs are - what I mean is everyone needs something different out of friends, I don't think it's fair for you to expect for them to be some sort of complete package that meets all your expectations? Not saying that's the case. 

I guess what I'm saying is people bring whatever they bring to the table, and it's up to you to decide if that fits in your life or not. But they aren't necessarily shitty for being unavailable in some way (emotionally, or for whatever you're looking for in a friend). 

Edit: I also think it is unrealistic to expect others to give what you give. Personally I am happy that I slot into any friends' life to make their life more complete however I can - whether that's seeing them once every 5 years, only being around when they need to talk to someone, etc. 

Compromises and shit.

Anyway

  On 5/13/2019 at 2:10 AM, StephenG said:

This is the gap some people need to fill in their lives. Your choice if you want to be a part of it or not but it doesn't necessarily mean they're shitty friends. Friends aren't necessarily there to fulfill whatever your relationship needs are - what I mean is everyone needs something different out of friends, I don't think it's fair for you to expect for them to be some sort of complete package that meets all your expectations? Not saying that's the case. 

I guess what I'm saying is people bring whatever they bring to the table, and it's up to you to decide if that fits in your life or not. But they aren't necessarily shitty for being unavailable in some way (emotionally, or for whatever you're looking for in a friend). 

Edit: I also think it is unrealistic to expect others to give what you give. Personally I am happy that I slot into any friends life to make their life more complete however I can - whether that's seeing them once every 5 years, only being around when they need to talk to someone, etc. 

 

Expand  

True.  I guess it's a flaw I have to expect so much.  But that's just me.  Take it or leave it, yaknow?

Gets pretty complex why I am that way I wouldn't want to bore with it, suffice it to say the short story is I've been around death my whole life.  Up close and personal with it.  Funeral home / mortician family, spent 10 years in the business myself.  So I am the way I am because I do not want to waste time on people that don't warrant it and don't appreciate it.  Life is far too short.

Which is completely fair - everyone is different and if that is what YOU need from friends, then that's what it is! Kind of what I was trying to get at. No need to seek validation for your approach IMO. If that's what you need from friends, that's what you need. 

It can be a complex thing for sure. On one hand I can say don't discount those people, on the other discount them all you want if that's where you are in life. I guess I'm kind of back-pedaling a bit on my last post. Maybe what I mean is they're not shitty friends they're just not what you need atm.