Did Life Turn Out Like You Thought?

life is life nanaaaa na nana

it's never what you expect and hope to be

so i just sail along and try to keep the stern steady in a generally preferred direction

there was a time, not long ago, when i sincerely wished to transform myself into an animal living in the woods

like chuck norris became a wolf

however a woman once dear to me said one day that my presence reminded her of a horse

so...

I can't recall making any grandiose prediction. But if I could go back in time and do things different it would be my choice of college major, as well how much I've exercised (which hasn't been nearly enough).

But somehow I still remember the first time I watched Koyaanisqatsi, back at the end of 2002. It's been around for four decades, yet its message couldn't be more relevant today. The title itself is a Hopi word meaning "life out of balance, life in chaos." The entire film is basically about that. I can't really describe it, and the film itself has no dialogue. Yet one must view it in its entirety to understand.

Nope. Life has a funny way of slipping and slithering around your intentions, dreams and objectives. Opportunities come up and are followed by obstacles or sometimes tragedies. I’ve had many incredible life experiences that I would have never imagined and currently find myself in an utterly confusing set of circumstances (pandemics aside). I think somewhere along the way I gave up on trying to steer everything towards intended outcomes. As I get into my 40s, I feel more of an urge to simplify everything to the point of predictability. Still working on trying to figure out how to do something like that. 

wish i had done more  and enjoyed what i did do more than I allowed myself to !  but always had a gloomy view of "the future" anyways so getting a bit of a kick and inspiration out of the current hellscape we find ourselves in . actually am overall happier now than at any other time so .......thats good right?

Nah, a lot more time wasted on mediocre media streaming than planned.

I joined in 2005 when I was in grad school.  At that time I guess I only wanted to end up with a good job, I had no plans on how to get there because I guess that's not how my mind worked back then.  I tend to just go with the flow.  Never thought I'd get married but I met a great girl at grad school and we got married.  I graduated and found some cool post-docs which caused me to move around the mid-Atlantic and Northeast US a bit while she finished school.  Was super lucky to get a great job by an online application, didn't even know anyone in the company.  11 years and I'm still at that job and I've been able to make a little niche for myself in an area of expertise that is needed but that almost nobody else understands.  I feel like I'm just hitting my stride right now in my job and I'm really excited about the stuff I'm doing.

I guess the only part that didn't turn out as expected is that I expected to have kids at some point.  That didn't happen for a reason that I covered in a post on here several years ago, but the Mrs. and I are still happily married.

I'll be 41 this month and I am trying to plan for retirement.  Because of no kids and some money resulting from the incident that took away our ability to have kids, I'm trying to figure out how to best invest our money so that we both can retire as early as possible (shooting for 55, fingers crossed).  Mutual funds are total shit so I'm pouring it into S&P500 ETFs.  Hoping to retire to the Pacific Northwest and buy a nice, small house on a hillside overlooking the Puget Sound.

  On 8/6/2022 at 10:55 AM, randomsummer said:

I joined in 2005 ...

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That sounds really lovely, man, save for infertility issues sorry that happened to you. Keep investing in that S&P and time will be your ally

  On 8/6/2022 at 12:08 PM, PigeonSt said:

That sounds really lovely, man, save for infertility issues sorry that happened to you. Keep investing in that S&P and time will be your ally

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Thanks.  To be clear, it's more like infertility due to medical malpractice.  Getting to deal with the US healthcare and legal systems at the same time was quite a frustrating experience.

  On 8/6/2022 at 1:47 PM, randomsummer said:

Thanks.  To be clear, it's more like infertility due to medical malpractice.  Getting to deal with the US healthcare and legal systems at the same time was quite a frustrating experience.

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I can't even imagine, shit.

generally speaking, I'd guess it's fairly common for most people when they are growing up to assume there are going to be better things to come. that's what is shoved down kids throats all the time. study harder, try harder, and you'll reap some great rewards down the road. and then you grow into your 20's, and by this point, I'd say the average person has suffered oh 1 or 2 massive disappointments. you start questioning that what you were told may not be exactly how it really is, and are those rewards really real...

so you get out there and travel around the planet, wanting to see how other folks do this life shit. and you see that all over the planet, people are more or less the same. yeah different languages, different ways of living, etc., but humans all more or less have the same wants & needs. safety. good health. acquiring food. having a quiet place to take a dump, all those universal creature comforts. so then you realize that we are all just animals inhabiting this giant rock circling around a massive heat source, and all the rest is just a bunch of bullshit.

then you have a laugh at all these uptight arrogant a-holes who think they know everything, believing some bearded dude up in the sky is going to let them all come hang out for eternity, doing fuck knows what, all because they went to a building every Sunday, to listen to some guy drone on with parables as to how you are supposed to live your life. and anyone who doesn't do the same is going to another really hot place underneath where, the ground? 

so bottom line - no, it didn't turn out like I thought, like how I thought about it when I was a kid. I thought becoming an adult would be some magical experience, like adults get to do all the really cool shit kids can't. I'm past 40 now, have a kid, and realize that years 0 - 22 were probably the best life experience I'm going to get. I sometimes think how TF am I going to keep doing this for the next 50 or so years... not like I'm going to go check out any time soon. gotta stick around now to see how my offspring turns out as an adult, make sure he's following the path of logical decision making. that's all people really have to do. think rationally on things, utilize logic. try and think if I do this, then it will could have these consequences. think, don't just react.

  On 8/6/2022 at 6:56 PM, zero said:

so bottom line - no, it didn't turn out like I thought, like how I thought about it when I was a kid. I thought becoming an adult would be some magical experience, like adults get to do all the really cool shit kids can't. I'm past 40 now, have a kid, and realize that years 0 - 22 were probably the best life experience I'm going to get. I sometimes think how TF am I going to keep doing this for the next 50 or so years... not like I'm going to go check out any time soon. gotta stick around now to see how my offspring turns out as an adult, make sure he's following the path of logical decision making. that's all people really have to do. think rationally on things, utilize logic. try and think if I do this, then it will could have these consequences. think, don't just react.

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Yeah I hear ya here. "I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them" - Andy Bernard on the Office. Yeah kind of a dumb quote but strangely resonates with me pretty deeply? Both recognizing that you've had some good old days and you may be currently experiencing newly made "good old days" currently, but lack the perspective to see it until later. At any rate, no way to go back so it's irrelevant beyond having a nice nostalgia trip.

  On 8/6/2022 at 6:56 PM, zero said:

generally speaking, I'd guess it's fairly common for most people when they are growing up to assume there are going to be better things to come. that's what is shoved down kids throats all the time. study harder, try harder, and you'll reap some great rewards down the road. and then you grow into your teens, and by this point, I'd say the average person has suffered oh 1 or 2 massive disappointments. you start questioning that what you were told may not be exactly how it really is, and are those rewards really real...

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FTFY

Everything is peachy thanks. I’m on about the 17th reboot.

  On 8/7/2022 at 12:21 AM, webby said:

Everything is peachy thanks. I’m on about the 17th reboot.

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for me those reboots began after every bad acid trip. it's weird. the good trips had less meaning. but that's what i get for looking for meaning. it's a lost cause. 

Up to age 32 was fantastic, from 32 to now? not so fantastic. I'm kind of bored with general stuff. Need a new lease of life, a burst of energy to reenergise almost everything. My job is fine, has a lot of good points and some bad points.Been there 15 years. It's secure which in this day and age I believe is a blessing, which is why I guess I'll never leave but I know damn well I could of done much better, however my problem was I never into having my head stuck in a book revising. Always wanted to be outside having an adventure. I did try an Open University course sometime ago, but the weather was really nice and the fish were biting (or something like that lol). I just wanted to be outside doing stuff, not studying papers. I think a small part of me died when I realised I would probably be doing my job until I retire. However the positive is pension and not keeping awake at night wondering if I'm gonna be made redundant, but at the same time I know this is what's eroding my vitality. Feel like I'm dying a slow death. Tricky.

However before I sold my soul to the company, I spent almost a decade travelling around the world. India, Nepal, Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, Laos, Vietnam, Botswana, Tanzania, New Zealand, Canada and three years in Australia. All I need to do is complete the link from Darwin to Cape Tribulation and I would've backpacked the entire circumference of Oz (also have done the middle bit from Alice Springs down to Adelaide). I was also doing loads of stuff like fishing trips, cycling trips, camping trips in the UK. My life was a total adventure, but now and since 32 nothing much seems to happen. I was talking to my best friend on his annual BBQ pilgrimage to my garden, and he said to me how much he wished he had done all stuff I did back in the day. I told him I wish I'd studied harder and had his fairly relaxed, high flying, very well paid job! Though I wouldn't change it to be honest. 

So its 50/50 I reckon. Though after having six months of work with a spinal injury and now after 12 months finally returning to full fitness, I can tell you never to underestimate the blessing of being healthy. As I get older I realise that's more important than anything. Even if I think my life at the moment, kind of mildly sucks.

  On 8/7/2022 at 12:54 PM, beerwolf said:

So its 50/50 I reckon.

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Yeah I think so. And there's no way to know if not!

  On 8/7/2022 at 12:21 AM, webby said:

Everything is peachy thanks. I’m on about the 17th reboot.

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Gotta grind that NG++. 

  On 8/5/2022 at 8:58 PM, cichlisuite said:

life is life nanaaaa na nana

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Hey, I’m a returning member from the early 2000’s (with a uhh different username ) but decided to bike back into watmm to see what’s up. This thread has me a bit weepy. 
 

My answer to your question? 
“The future ain’t what it used to be.”

  On 8/8/2022 at 2:46 AM, ERMHS said:

Hey, I’m a returning member from the early 2000’s (with a uhh different username ) but decided to bike back into watmm to see what’s up. This thread has me a bit weepy. 
 

My answer to your question? 
“The future ain’t what it used to be.”

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Wow mystery alias, truly IDM!

  On 8/5/2022 at 7:25 PM, perunamuusi said:

Trying to remember hiw many workplaces I've had a wank at now

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Did you figure it out? I think four for me (does community service count as a workplace), one of them was outdoors though, like in the woods. 
 

hi @PigeonSt good to see you again man! 

duuuude

  On 8/7/2022 at 12:54 PM, beerwolf said:

 

However before I sold my soul to the company, I spent almost a decade travelling around the world. India, Nepal, Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, Laos, Vietnam, Botswana, Tanzania, New Zealand, Canada and three years in Australia. All I need to do is complete the link from Darwin to Cape Tribulation and I would've backpacked the entire circumference of Oz (also have done the middle bit from Alice Springs down to Adelaide). I was also doing loads of stuff like fishing trips, cycling trips, camping trips in the UK. My life was a total adventure, but now and since 32 nothing much seems to happen. I was talking to my best friend on his annual BBQ pilgrimage to my garden, and he said to me how much he wished he had done all stuff I did back in the day. I told him I wish I'd studied harder and had his fairly relaxed, high flying, very well paid job! Though I wouldn't change it to be honest. 

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I feel like longer trips, like 6+ months, fry my brain somehow and every time it gets harder to return to some vestige of normalcy. Maybe at some point I'm just going to be stuck on an orbit around the globe and never land back to normal life.