Waiting to Live

Im done with this site, zero good music anymore. Open up and get mocked. The worst place to go for advice.  At least xltonic had actual humor

I forgot to mention that a misconception is that depression is circumstantial. If it is, great. easily solved. Mostly though it's a combo of genetics / predisposition and nurture. 

Id take being happy and living in the 3rd world over being a major depressive in a first world country with a few million in savings any day.

  On 6/13/2023 at 12:13 AM, marf said:

Im done with this site, zero good music anymore. Open up and get mocked. The worst place to go for advice.  At least xltonic had actual humor

nobody is mocking you friend

  On 6/13/2023 at 12:13 AM, marf said:

Im done with this site, zero good music anymore. Open up and get mocked. The worst place to go for advice.  At least xltonic had actual humor

well I'd say close the thread then. you started this vague discussion, so what do you expect...

fyi there was a p good thread on here in the last few months about a divorce someone was going through, that I thought was handled remarkably well...considering watmm brethren and all that. that OP contributed and helped guide the discussion, seemed pretty genuine.

if you really are serious, then you should know to not seek 100% accurate mental health advice on a forum devoted to Richard, Tom Jenk, and the boy band bros. we aren't qualified 4 real man. just internet people waiting for the apocalypse together...or the next BoC album...who knows

  On 6/12/2023 at 12:36 AM, marf said:

Benzo use

 that stuff can definitely create a very real feeling of "waiting to live"... sorry to hear you've been through so much, marf. I can't speak to everything you've dealt with, but I want to focus on the positivity of your resolve to quit this particular prescription. meds can certainly be helpful at times, I don't mean to knock them wholesale or suggest you eliminate the benign or helpful ones -- but long term benzo use is a rough way to exist IMO. a doctor of mine once compared anxiolytics to a life jacket: "they stop us from drowning, but they don't swim to shore for us..." I think your determination to (safely, patiently) kick this one is a very wise idea. all I can say: please don't give up in those times when it feels like nothing is improving. those times are still steps forward. I've been tethered to anxiety drugs before, and ugh: it feels "okay" until one day it feels like an inescapable, dull nightmare. it's brutal. 

I'm rooting for you, man. 

  On 6/12/2023 at 11:58 PM, marf said:

Having to walk around with a sick felling of fear in your stomach all the time.  Being so depressed you have to drink to oblivion to be dead asleep, and waking up disappointed you have to do it again. The actual percentage of people who have this is pretty low so I don't expect anyone to be that empathetic.  Just count yourself lucky. 

I can readily identify with this.  Anhedonia and a persistent feeling of pointlessness.  I dont drink to oblivion but definitely drink myself to sleep. And smoke a lot of dope as sometimes (aka most times) it seems to be the only thing that can numb the unease. And I'm very chemically dependent on three different prescription "mood stabilizers" which don't really do anything except keep me from going off the deep end lest I stop taking them.  Thanks Obamacare.

We exist. I am trying to get help and hope you are too. Pulling for you as well.

  On 6/13/2023 at 3:55 AM, BobDobalina said:

We exist.

We do!

  On 6/13/2023 at 3:55 AM, BobDobalina said:

 I'm very chemically dependent on three different prescription "mood stabilizers" which don't really do anything except keep me from going off the deep end lest I stop taking them. 

Highly relatable (only on one now but tried plenty to get here)

Does everyone feel this way? Isn't it simply a fact of living in a world that's essentially doomed, that we are all living an existential nightmare? How does anyone cultivate hope anymore? What's the fuckin point?

It took me over a year to titrate off clonazapam. I’d been taking that shit for years every day but I did it. It was hard. 
Still on a meds but no more benzos.     

  On 6/13/2023 at 4:10 AM, toaoaoad said:

Does everyone feel this way? Isn't it simply a fact of living in a world that's essentially doomed, that we are all living an existential nightmare? How does anyone cultivate hope anymore? What's the fuckin point?

mbe life itself is the point ? the ability to recognise these conditions & to change, adapt, overcome them ?

   nature, fine art, swimming, good company, spiritual teachings, les mémes dånque, & great music help to encourage & soothe my soul  

  On 6/12/2023 at 5:21 PM, cruising for burgers said:

anyway, it seems like you've been through a lot, none of my words will comfort you but I sincerely hope you get better... xoxo

Im fine thnx

  On 6/13/2023 at 3:55 AM, BobDobalina said:

I am trying to get help and hope you are too. 

godspeed Bob. I too am a proponent of the daily thc and booze rituals. I've accepted the fact that's probably how it'll always be. as long as you can keep that shit in check, then relax away in the PM. the other mind/mood drugs you mentioned, no thx. 

  On 6/8/2023 at 12:02 AM, marf said:

sometime after my late 20's Ive been waiting to live.  I have this imaginary life I should be living., but I'm not. Anyone else experience this?

 

Damn marf…. You just described my experience! 

= I’ve been waiting for you to start living the life you want for so long! 

@marf

if you live in a city, get out, for a while. change the landscape. use your feet.

  On 6/13/2023 at 9:32 AM, prdctvsm said:

mbe life itself is the point ? the ability to recognise these conditions & to change, adapt, overcome them ?

   nature, fine art, swimming, good company, spiritual teachings, les mémes dånque, & great music help to encourage & soothe my soul  

I agree

But yeah I suspect everyone is feeling this shit on some level (it was referring to BobDobalina's post above mine), the constant unease etc, because how could you not? We're constantly inundated with news of how the world is falling apart in countless ways, and all around us is evidence of it, shit's falling apart... Even the most bluepilled of them all must still be aware of it. People find ways to not care, to yolo their way through it or whatever, distract themselves with work and entertainment. Or as you said, seek what meaning there is in life even if it's just the appreciation of beauty and the moment. And caring for each other. That's all good stuff and that is indeed what gets us through. Spirituality helps too. Doesn't change the fact that the world is the way it is and it's always there in our minds, more so than ever now with constant newsfeeds etc.  Our brains are not designed to be aware of this much shit and they're short-circuiting.

I kind of wanted to lead a life society suggests as a perfect role model for happiness but I found out over the years that you can build a concept yourself and you go into various directions much further than the generations before us could. 

  On 6/14/2023 at 9:22 AM, toaoaoad said:

We're constantly inundated with news of how the world is falling apart in countless ways, and all around us is evidence of it, shit's falling apart... 

those ancient wisdom masters have been talking about the degenerate age for thousands of years... you're right, it should be blatantly obvious to anyone living today that the proverbial "things are getting worse" mantra is 1000% applicable. this 24/7 news crap has been a disastrous social experiment IMO. but what matters is what you do with this knowledge about things falling apart. do you throw your hands up and say fuck it, shit's bad out there, how am I supposed to deal... and you live with nit picking anxiety about the future tucked away in the back of your mind. or do you accept the fact that this is the reality of the situation we're all in - a ton of things are bad, but the vast majority of it is totally out of my control. therefore I shouldn't let the negative baggage of the world affect my mental outlook and how I am going to live my life. I'm not trying to say don't care about the bad stuff, but recognize that dwelling on it will only bring you down.

I know from experience it is so easy to give in to the negativity. let that depressing negative outlook about things hang over you constantly. creates a ton of anxiety, which leads to a lot of anger. so hard to get out of that. spirituality is really helpful IMO. find something that makes sense to you, and use it to adjust your mind. the whole mindfulness meditational concept should be thoroughly investigated and used, if you can swing it.