so I just blew a phone interview for a job

  my usernames always really suck said:

I was doing a phone interview with the hiring manager of the job I applied for when I guess I got nervous and the nervous feeling went down to shake up my bowels. I broke into sweats while my stomach went into pins and needles. I had to shit.

 

Still on the phone I ran to the toilet and hastily pulled my pants completely off my legs while doing some question-and-answer thing about unit testing and source code control.

 

I had to be quiet, and hoped I could make a silent, stealthy shit while discussing my qualifications, experience, and why I'm a strong fit for the job. So trying to keep my ass quiet I spread my legs out wide open, thinking that it'd be less likely to make a fart sound than if my legs were closer together (the idea being my asshole would be wider opened and the sphincter wouldn't be able to resonate a fart sound from the gas). But there was so much shit from the three slices of pizza I ate last night that it gushed out without even having to apply muscle pressure in my bowels. The toilet bowl amplified the acoustics of the howling, rumbling fart and even the force of the shit flying out of my ass made loud splats that even drowned out the long, ten second fart that I was trying to muffle.

 

There was a moment of awkward, uncomfortable silence on the phone that felt like an eternity before the interviewer just hung up on me and so far hasn't been answering my e-mails I've been sending since morning.

 

So uh, does anyone here have any buddies looking to hire a talented C++ developer?

lies

this sounds like a lion story.

well done though, it got an IRL chuckle.

  Luke Fucking Hazard said:

  Bubba69 said:

dude, why didn't you hold your hand over the receiver? Or make something up about what the sound was, like you were moving furniture or something.

 

LET GO OF THE PAST

imagines throwing a funeral for turd and crying and waving good bye as you flush

IBS

  essines said:

why can't you people shit like a normal person. if a burger does that to you you're a fucking pussy faggot.

^^THIS^^

I lol'd

  my usernames always really suck said:

I was doing a phone interview with the hiring manager of the job I applied for when I guess I got nervous and the nervous feeling went down to shake up my bowels. I broke into sweats while my stomach went into pins and needles. I had to shit.

 

Still on the phone I ran to the toilet and hastily pulled my pants completely off my legs while doing some question-and-answer thing about unit testing and source code control.

 

I had to be quiet, and hoped I could make a silent, stealthy shit while discussing my qualifications, experience, and why I'm a strong fit for the job. So trying to keep my ass quiet I spread my legs out wide open, thinking that it'd be less likely to make a fart sound than if my legs were closer together (the idea being my asshole would be wider opened and the sphincter wouldn't be able to resonate a fart sound from the gas). But there was so much shit from the three slices of pizza I ate last night that it gushed out without even having to apply muscle pressure in my bowels. The toilet bowl amplified the acoustics of the howling, rumbling fart and even the force of the shit flying out of my ass made loud splats that even drowned out the long, ten second fart that I was trying to muffle.

 

There was a moment of awkward, uncomfortable silence on the phone that felt like an eternity before the interviewer just hung up on me and so far hasn't been answering my e-mails I've been sending since morning.

 

So uh, does anyone here have any buddies looking to hire a talented C++ developer?

we seem to have some things in common. i also do programming. at one point, i found myself receiving a cellular telephone call from a potential employer whilst taking my morning shit. i was like, err, can this guy hear me flushing? it's also difficult to wipe while discussing Dojo/AJAX.

yesterday, i got a call from a recruiter whilst doing a rad jam. fucked my shit up.

today, first day at a new contract, i'm there about an hour and i start to feel the brown tide -- liquid shits -- it broke through a little before i realized what was going on, but not enough to bring it to public attention. driving home, i think i hit 95. i really had to poop.

seriously, we need to start a, er, movement to liberate our bowels. i'm tired of pretending poop doesn't exist because it's "polite." it's uncomfortable to hang onto and is, frankly, distracting. why are you required to pretend the world is full of pretty, non-pooping elves in order to be "professional"? i'm not looking to make a big deal of it, just looking to take care of business so i can concentrate on business.