i suck at getting a job

I hope you weren't being sarcastic, perhaps I'm just slower than everyone else on this board? I think it's lain c getting to me.. i think he's some kind of fucked up biological computer ish virus that slowly wears away your own intelligence. i'm going to be a dribbling brain dead zombie within a couple years.

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:30 AM, taxman said:

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:18 AM, joshier said:

Right, bit of genuine advice here...

 

Shitty jobs (the ones where it's steady money but you don't really like the job) want shit people with no aspirations so they don't have to again employ more people as it is expensive to train new employees.

 

This is sometimes the case, so just remember to tailor your C.V. to this if they catch on you're actually intelligent.. dumb it down..

shit people with no aspirations are bad at doing jobs and nobody wants to hire them. it's better to be a capable and effective employee. my employers probably expect me to move on, but they'll hang on to me as long as i'm willing to stick around because i'm good at what i do.

Some jobs do and some jobs don't. mc dondalds, halfords, boots.. you name it... they all want to keep their current employees.

I'm not saying I definitely know but from what I know and my friends, it is sometimes this way.

iain c has actually made me hate you. god i fucking hate you so bad you've made me type this all constipated and tense. you shit.

i feel like i have to actually say, 'JOKE'! im scared iain has done damage and you'll take this seriously. there was no sarcasm in that other post too.

it's too late.. i'm damaged forever.. i've been Lain c'd

As a pose to getting a full time job, i might get 2 part time jobs to see if i make any more money.

Nope. I didn't even have to interview for my job.

  On 7/30/2009 at 3:10 AM, FortyTwo said:

As a pose to getting a full time job, i might get 2 part time jobs to see if i make any more money.

A pose?

Am I the only one here with a career (if you can call it that) in software?

I want to know what the fuck these companies are thinking when they list more technologies under Knowledge Requirements in a job listing, so many that there is not one single human being in the universe who knows all the ones listed. I especially see these in e-commerce and "Web 3.0" jobs.

And WTF @ "3 years of Silverlight". Not that I want a job where I'm stuck writing Silverlight applets, but what the fuck -- it hasn't even been around that fucking long.

  On 7/30/2009 at 3:22 AM, my usernames always really suck said:

Am I the only one here with a career (if you can call it that) in software?

 

I want to know what the fuck these companies are thinking when they list more technologies under Knowledge Requirements in a job listing, so many that there is not one single human being in the universe who knows all the ones listed. I especially see these in e-commerce and "Web 3.0" jobs.

 

And WTF @ "3 years of Silverlight". Not that I want a job where I'm stuck writing Silverlight applets, but what the fuck -- it hasn't even been around that fucking long.

its funny when they state 'coder with c++, java, php, .net, design skills and flash actionscript a plus' like you say. if they get someone with that amount of knowledge, that candidate would be fucking stupid to get paid what they quote. they ask for the impossible.

we should quote some real ones from job enter plus online.

  On 7/30/2009 at 3:27 AM, joshier said:

  On 7/30/2009 at 3:22 AM, my usernames always really suck said:

Am I the only one here with a career (if you can call it that) in software?

 

I want to know what the fuck these companies are thinking when they list more technologies under Knowledge Requirements in a job listing, so many that there is not one single human being in the universe who knows all the ones listed. I especially see these in e-commerce and "Web 3.0" jobs.

 

And WTF @ "3 years of Silverlight". Not that I want a job where I'm stuck writing Silverlight applets, but what the fuck -- it hasn't even been around that fucking long.

its funny when they state 'coder with c++, java, php, .net, design skills and flash actionscript a plus' like you say. if they get someone with that amount of knowledge, that candidate would be fucking stupid to get paid what they quote. they ask for the impossible.

 

we should quote some real ones from job enter plus online.

The emphasis is on graphic design rather than coding although the applicant must be an experienced website designer competent with CSS, Ajax, Java and any other relevant applications. The main duty will be further development of an existing game website, with specific ad hoc projects.

--

A self-motivated, enthusiastic, well organised, professional & adaptable to tackle projects as part of a team to help the client establish or re-brand their business to create an. online presence. Creating storyboards followed by a CSS driven website based on the brief which could include designing logos & business cards. Have experience, be creative, dedicated to the growing company, must have excellent communication skills. Skills in : Adobe Dreamweaver, CSS, Accessibility requirements, Adobe Photoshop & or other professional design packages. Desirable Skills: Design concept flair, Commercial experience, PHP scripting, W3C guidelines.

--

Applicants will need a very high degree of competency in Design, Quark, Illustrator and Photoshop. Strong competency is also required in a suitable range of web development program's and html. While skills in Flash are desirable.. We are looking for a talented graphic and web designer with previous experience working in a very similar role. The successful candidate will very likely come from an Advertising, Web Design or Graphic Design Agency background. .

--

The successful applicant must be proficient in using Illustrator, Photoshop, Fireworks, HTML and CSS. Applicant must also be an excellent communicator and team player. A knowledge of Flash, Ajax, JavaScript and Dreamweaver would be desirable. The work will be varied and challenging and will include the design and development of websites, the design of brand identity for clients, the design of email campaigns, the design of work relating to the maintenance of existing client sites. The role will also include working on the design and development of internal software and websites.

What the problem is, is Human Resources people are highschool dropouts who don't know a thing about the jobs they're posting.

So when you point out to them a valid point like, "no, I haven't used these languages before, but it isn't a problem because most scripting and programming languages share a common subset of functionalities and fundamental concepts that carry over from language to language. Barring a few differences from very cognitively unique languages like Prolog, Haskell, or FORTH, learning a new language for this job would take but maybe a day or two."

Well they hear that and all the hear is the word "learning", they think "OH WE HAVE TO TRAIN THIS PERSON? TELL HIM THANKS FOR APPLYING BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE THE SKILLS WE'RE LOOKING FOR".

...which makes me wonder, why don't I just fucking lie on my resume? I've never written a thing in JavaScript, but the fact that I've written in C, C++, various LISP dialects, Prolog, Bash shell scripting... that pretty much entitles me to put these peon languages like JavaScript and PHP on there as well. In this case wouldn't such a lie be fundamentally truthful?

The programming languages themselves are even trivialities. But human resources people don't know what "algorithms" or "data structures" are so it's hard to sell yourself to the hunchbacked gatekeepers with the qualities that are actually important to being a programmer that's an actual asset to a company.

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:14 AM, my usernames always really suck said:

Been applying left and right to jobs I'm perfectly qualified for and which my resume matches with perfectly.

 

Rejection after rejection after rejection.

 

What is fucking stupid is when you read personal ads and these gold-digging bitches say "I DON'T WANNA DATE NO UNEMPLOYED MAN, DEADBEATS NEED NOT REPLY". So... unemployed = deadbeat? Really, you airheaded walking cum receptacles? And you know these women just want to marry a rich guy so THEY won't have to work.

Lol, you're looking on craigslist for date? lol

  On 7/30/2009 at 3:52 AM, Yegg said:

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:14 AM, my usernames always really suck said:

Been applying left and right to jobs I'm perfectly qualified for and which my resume matches with perfectly.

 

Rejection after rejection after rejection.

 

What is fucking stupid is when you read personal ads and these gold-digging bitches say "I DON'T WANNA DATE NO UNEMPLOYED MAN, DEADBEATS NEED NOT REPLY". So... unemployed = deadbeat? Really, you airheaded walking cum receptacles? And you know these women just want to marry a rich guy so THEY won't have to work.

 

Lol, you're looking on craigslist for date? lol

Just curious enough to browse. Doesn't mean I was looking for an actual date.

Wanna go out?

Tauboo... you are 25 no? Why search jobs to wash dishes and other stuff? Go back to the school benches.

  On 7/30/2009 at 3:22 AM, my usernames always really suck said:

Am I the only one here with a career (if you can call it that) in software?

 

I want to know what the fuck these companies are thinking when they list more technologies under Knowledge Requirements in a job listing, so many that there is not one single human being in the universe who knows all the ones listed. I especially see these in e-commerce and "Web 3.0" jobs.

 

And WTF @ "3 years of Silverlight". Not that I want a job where I'm stuck writing Silverlight applets, but what the fuck -- it hasn't even been around that fucking long.

I am a "software engineer", although I don't have an engineering license yet. And I don't have a degree in software engineering (mine are Computer + Electrical Engineering & physics.)

  On 7/30/2009 at 1:36 AM, zaphod said:

  On 7/30/2009 at 12:54 AM, Mr Salads said:

gonna go for my master's

 

 

psyche! lol

that would be idiotic.

 

u dont have what it takes

I'll definitely go for mine because in my field (and at this particular company), they typically pay most of the way for you, and you generally earn more afterwards.

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:25 AM, idrn said:

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:18 AM, joshier said:

Right, bit of genuine advice here...

 

Shitty jobs (the ones where it's steady money but you don't really like the job) want shit people with no aspirations so they don't have to again employ more people as it is expensive to train new employees.

 

This is sometimes the case, so just remember to tailor your C.V. to this if they catch on you're actually intelligent.. dumb it down..

 

by jove joshier, youre onto something there. my friend with a 1st in english literature, and published in a national magazine couldn't get a job at mcdonalds. he's going to the czech republic in september to teach english, but in the mean time just needed any old job to make ends meet. mcdonalds was his last choice in the current arid landscape of unemployment - yet he got turned away, as obviously no mcdonalds want some long-haired vegetarian bourgoise cunt sitting in the corner reading kafka on his lunch break.

What's odd about places that don't want to hire people who don't intend to stay long is that typically those places have huge turnover anyway. So what do they care?

For my 4th consecutive post, let me just say that this is probably the #1 value I got from college: meeting people that could later on help me find positions. As in, they email you when internal positions open up, or refer you directly to the hiring manager. It wasn't even necessarily networking -- ie they don't have to be your friends but it does help. If they already have someone that trusts you, or at least knows what you can do/are like, it can be a good advantage.

you're not to blame. no one at the moment can get teh jobbies

Planetoid: of course you have to lie on your resume.

Tell them you have 5 years experience with silverlight and 2 years with google wave.

7+ years for any language, regardless of release date.

Interviewer: "so do you have any experience with Ruby on Rails?"

You: "Oh yes, I've written many GUIs to track IP addresses with Ruby on Rails, the first time was back in 2000."

  On 7/30/2009 at 7:21 AM, chenGOD said:

Planetoid: of course you have to lie on your resume.

Tell them you have 5 years experience with silverlight and 2 years with google wave.

7+ years for any language, regardless of release date.

Interviewer: "so do you have any experience with Ruby on Rails?"

You: "Oh yes, I've written many GUIs to track IP addresses with Ruby on Rails, the first time was back in 2000."

in other words..

lie if you have to in the interview and on your c.v, but to remove some guilt to improve lying skill, do some research into the things you've claimed new found knowledge of. So, if they require php and you've never done it - practise some before the interview. The people recruiting you may not know a thing about the task in hand and could instead be well up on the skill to pick up any doubt potential employees have. outsmart them.

in a job, first impressions typically last a good month or two, so if you do get the job then work your ass off, that way they won't give you any shady contracts.

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:25 AM, idrn said:

  On 7/30/2009 at 2:18 AM, joshier said:

Right, bit of genuine advice here...

 

Shitty jobs (the ones where it's steady money but you don't really like the job) want shit people with no aspirations so they don't have to again employ more people as it is expensive to train new employees.

 

This is sometimes the case, so just remember to tailor your C.V. to this if they catch on you're actually intelligent.. dumb it down..

 

by jove joshier, youre onto something there. my friend with a 1st in english literature, and published in a national magazine couldn't get a job at mcdonalds. he's going to the czech republic in september to teach english, but in the mean time just needed any old job to make ends meet. mcdonalds was his last choice in the current arid landscape of unemployment - yet he got turned away, as obviously no mcdonalds want some long-haired vegetarian bourgoise cunt sitting in the corner reading kafka on his lunch break.

a lot of chains also prefer 16 year olds, cause they can be paid less

Just basic admin jobs on reed.co.uk are getting over 100 applicants, it's nuts!

same here, i applied for a job as an editor with 95 other applicants. i was pretty chuffed when i heard that they'd picked me.

so the lesson here is: don't be put off by the great number of other applicants. just fucking go for it.