Harvey Keitel

HK as abandoned android boy in AI - goes on a quest of self-discovery, with the ultimate goal of killing the blue fairy

fuckin lol. keep 'em coming. elaborate more.

Harvey Keitel replaces Jim Carrey in "Bruce Almighty".

After obtaining god's powers, he embarks down a violence-strewn path of pimping out Jennifer Aniston and getting young boys addicted to heroin so he can sodomize their sisters. After he loses the powers he realizes the futility of life, forces Jennifer Aniston to have rough anal sex while he is overdosing on heroin. He passes on AIDS to the baby in Jennifer's womb and the movie fades to black with the baby's birth.

Whilst wearing a wife-beater.

dude i'm shitting bricks

harvey keitel replaces will smith in the fresh prince of bel air.

  On 8/16/2009 at 4:21 AM, nene multiple assgasms said:

harvey keitel replaces will smith in the fresh prince of bel air.

whilst wearing a wife beater?

I saw Harvey Keitel on the street in Manhattan once. I walked right by him and didn't want to be THAT guy, so I just kept going.

Almost instantly, I heard an older lady stop him and say "Excuse me".

He stopped to see what she wanted, probably expecting her to say something about his acting work.

She just asked him for directions and had no idea who he was.

I thought that was fucking awesome.

He is the shit.

I always felt sorry for the guy after hearing about this.

This thread is still tops. Lets come up with more! No holds barred as they say...

  On 8/16/2009 at 10:34 PM, sneaksta303 said:

This thread is still tops. Lets come up with more! No holds barred as they say...

They use to say to me "No bar holds" when I was completely pissed and trying to hold the bar up.

well thank you for that wonderful contribution to the thread.

You are welcome, I am just trying to help you bump it coz I like it.

bump

what's that film where he fucks that deaf girl while she plays the piano? he was good in that.

Harvey Keitel cast as the Grinch in Dr. Seuss's The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

No one ever really liked the Grinch. He was always depressed because he had seen some shit working the beat of Whoville. You can only deal with so many rotten whos before wondering if there truly is good and evil.

The Whos all hated the Grinch because you could just tell he was a dirty cop. It was hard to walk the streets of Whoville without seeing him bust someone for dope only to dip into the bag and shoot some on the spot.

It was Christmas when the Grinch ran out of smack so he had a wonderfully awful idea. Steal Cindy Loo Who's Christmas tree and sell it at the pawn shop for more smack. The heist backfired as Cindy Loo woke up and came downstairs to see him hoisting the tree out the window. So overcome with remorse he offs himself while crying in a fit of rage realizing what he was doing.

  On 8/16/2009 at 12:42 AM, sneaksta303 said:

 

For those not familiar with the actor (i know, i know), Harvey Keitel plays Mr. White in Reservoir Dogs, Winston (The Wolf) in Pulp Fiction, the Father, Jacob, in From Dusk till Dawn, Dad (or Satan) in Little Nicky, Judas in The Last Temptation of Christ, and countless roles, most in the genre of Police/Crime, in the 70's and 80's. For a lot of my friends, it has become a hobby to think of Harvey Keitel playing the role of a character in an existing film. For example: Harvey Keitel as Peter Parker in Sam Raimi's Spiderman. To make the scenerio work, you must picture Harvey not at the age of the character he is portraying, but as a middle-aged man, sweaty, mad, and most likely wearing a wife-beater. Though he looks this way, he would still try desperately to give a good performance in any role we put him in. Although the story lines in the films stay the same, the fact the Harvey Keitel is on screen can change the outcome of events drastically...

 

Take Home Alone for instance - when the two robbers, Harry and Marv, attempt to break into the McCalaster home and kill Kevin (played by Keitel, formerly played by Culkin), he does not leave a variety of wacky booby-traps around the house, but rather hides in a dark room, shoots Harry and Marv with a revolver, and runs from the house through the snow, in little clothing covered by a trench coat. The remaining twenty minutes of the film are of Keitel crying violently on a train. When he arrives at his destination, he kills himself.

 

We try to keep the films on the same path that they are on in reality, but sometimes, the films outcomes just don't work out in the favor of the persona we give him. Sometimes it's funnier if he plays a tired, depressed, angered, ex-cop type personality in an existing role, and other times, it's funnier if he acts the way the actor acts in the existing film.

 

I'm so happy that I have things like this to ponder over when I'm out and about, bored, or looking for something to think in detail about.

 

Five favorite roles:

 

1. The shark in Jaws (he swims around really fast in only a wife beater and violently stabs people. When not stabbing, he carries the knife in his mouth).

 

2. Kevin McCalaster in Home Alone (already explained).

 

3. Peter Parker in the Spiderman Films (he acts exactly like Tobey McGuire, but appears in his usual sweaty, wife-beater wearing personality).

 

4. Mufasa in The Lion King (In this case, Keitel appears in the film with green-screen technology. Everything is in 2-D animation but he appears as live-action over the existing film, replacing Mufasa the Lion. The whole story is transformed to include drugs, rape, government pay-offs, and graphic sex between Keitel and Nala. Of course, he is sweaty and angry).

 

5. As Forest in Forrest Gump (Instead of a happy mildly retarded man with a universally appealing life story to tell, Keitel plays the part bitter and angry. The beginning of the film starts with not a feather soaring down landing on his feet, but with a violent thunderstorm as Harvey sits quietly but dramatically on the bench in the rain. A woman sits down next to him and he forces her to listen to his story of pimping, prostitution, murder, and addiction. For example, when he and Bubba are in 'nam, Forrest is pressured into raping a local villager. Ever since then, it has been a dark secret. He and Leutienant Dan start trafficking drugs in a New York apartment until he goes to prison, is released, and is presently on his way to Kill Jenny, the bitch he's known his whole life that ratted him out).

Nice copy and paste job there, sir!

  On 8/17/2009 at 11:14 PM, Joyrex said:

  On 8/16/2009 at 12:42 AM, sneaksta303 said:

 

For those not familiar with the actor (i know, i know), Harvey Keitel plays Mr. White in Reservoir Dogs, Winston (The Wolf) in Pulp Fiction, the Father, Jacob, in From Dusk till Dawn, Dad (or Satan) in Little Nicky, Judas in The Last Temptation of Christ, and countless roles, most in the genre of Police/Crime, in the 70's and 80's. For a lot of my friends, it has become a hobby to think of Harvey Keitel playing the role of a character in an existing film. For example: Harvey Keitel as Peter Parker in Sam Raimi's Spiderman. To make the scenerio work, you must picture Harvey not at the age of the character he is portraying, but as a middle-aged man, sweaty, mad, and most likely wearing a wife-beater. Though he looks this way, he would still try desperately to give a good performance in any role we put him in. Although the story lines in the films stay the same, the fact the Harvey Keitel is on screen can change the outcome of events drastically...

 

Take Home Alone for instance - when the two robbers, Harry and Marv, attempt to break into the McCalaster home and kill Kevin (played by Keitel, formerly played by Culkin), he does not leave a variety of wacky booby-traps around the house, but rather hides in a dark room, shoots Harry and Marv with a revolver, and runs from the house through the snow, in little clothing covered by a trench coat. The remaining twenty minutes of the film are of Keitel crying violently on a train. When he arrives at his destination, he kills himself.

 

We try to keep the films on the same path that they are on in reality, but sometimes, the films outcomes just don't work out in the favor of the persona we give him. Sometimes it's funnier if he plays a tired, depressed, angered, ex-cop type personality in an existing role, and other times, it's funnier if he acts the way the actor acts in the existing film.

 

I'm so happy that I have things like this to ponder over when I'm out and about, bored, or looking for something to think in detail about.

 

Five favorite roles:

 

1. The shark in Jaws (he swims around really fast in only a wife beater and violently stabs people. When not stabbing, he carries the knife in his mouth).

 

2. Kevin McCalaster in Home Alone (already explained).

 

3. Peter Parker in the Spiderman Films (he acts exactly like Tobey McGuire, but appears in his usual sweaty, wife-beater wearing personality).

 

4. Mufasa in The Lion King (In this case, Keitel appears in the film with green-screen technology. Everything is in 2-D animation but he appears as live-action over the existing film, replacing Mufasa the Lion. The whole story is transformed to include drugs, rape, government pay-offs, and graphic sex between Keitel and Nala. Of course, he is sweaty and angry).

 

5. As Forest in Forrest Gump (Instead of a happy mildly retarded man with a universally appealing life story to tell, Keitel plays the part bitter and angry. The beginning of the film starts with not a feather soaring down landing on his feet, but with a violent thunderstorm as Harvey sits quietly but dramatically on the bench in the rain. A woman sits down next to him and he forces her to listen to his story of pimping, prostitution, murder, and addiction. For example, when he and Bubba are in 'nam, Forrest is pressured into raping a local villager. Ever since then, it has been a dark secret. He and Leutienant Dan start trafficking drugs in a New York apartment until he goes to prison, is released, and is presently on his way to Kill Jenny, the bitch he's known his whole life that ratted him out).

 

Nice copy and paste job there, sir!

actually me and my cousin wrote it. Dick.

  On 8/17/2009 at 11:08 PM, countchocula said:

Harvey Keitel cast as the Grinch in Dr. Seuss's The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

 

No one ever really liked the Grinch. He was always depressed because he had seen some shit working the beat of Whoville. You can only deal with so many rotten whos before wondering if there truly is good and evil.

 

The Whos all hated the Grinch because you could just tell he was a dirty cop. It was hard to walk the streets of Whoville without seeing him bust someone for dope only to dip into the bag and shoot some on the spot.

 

It was Christmas when the Grinch ran out of smack so he had a wonderfully awful idea. Steal Cindy Loo Who's Christmas tree and sell it at the pawn shop for more smack. The heist backfired as Cindy Loo woke up and came downstairs to see him hoisting the tree out the window. So overcome with remorse he offs himself while crying in a fit of rage realizing what he was doing.

LOL

Harvey Keitel replaces Tim Allen in Home Improvement.

He pimps out heidi to buy more smack from wilson.

Upon realising his wife is having an affair with wislon, he shoots them both and overdoeses on heroin. Thsi is every episode of the show.

And he does it while wearing a wife beater

Harvey Keitel takes Brando's role in "On the Waterfront." He suffers a conflict of conscience after getting involved with the waterfront gangs, that comes to a head when he realizes Karl Malden's nose is larger than his own. The resulting murderous rampage culminates with him setting fire to his pigeons and releasing them to fall burning into the ocean, while he screams and weeps, wearing a wife beater.

YES YES!!!! I'm sending my cousin these. I can't believe you accused me of copy pasta rex... Me and my cuz are twisted individuals!

Sorry that last one of mine was shit.

I was busy trying to emulate HK, so I was jerking off a tranny into my mouth and shooting up some fine heroin.

PLus the tears of rage kept getting in my eyes, and I lost my wife beater.

blue in the face / smoke

that is all

  On 8/18/2009 at 6:52 PM, kaen said:

blue in the face / smoke

 

that is all

I don't understand. We need a KAEN story.