jokes thread

shouldnt we have one of these/ HERES MINE

So one day a young man gos to confess himself. and upon confessing his sin to the priest, the priest tells him, my son your sin is great. You must submit 20 hailmarys, AND also, do a random act of kindness to ameliorate this blasphemous aggravation. I suggest you give 20 dollars to the first stranger you meet upon leaving this church. So the man did his prayers and left the church. Outside he saw a beautiful young lady upon a bench, and slowly approaching her he said, please damsel. take these twenty dollars, do me a favor you will. Alas, I cannot young man, i do apologize. Please, he begged, no one will know, just take them im plead to you. I cannot, I will not she retorted. Dammit he said, the priest told me i should give you twenty dollars. Well, she said, thats different, clergymen obviously get a discount.

maybe u got a better one, im sure actually.

yeah the first joke is one of the worst ive ever heard.

could be a cultural thing, its translated from spanish to anglais, salvadorean in origin i think, or mexican, to simplify

  On 10/31/2009 at 6:21 AM, Mesh Gear Fox said:

what's the difference between a priest and a zit?

a zit waits till you're 13 to come all over your face

hahaha

i like you stuck to the theme.

That show "The Amazing Race", is that about white people?

I felt terrible posting this, so I'll just edit it off

a gump classic,

what do you call a cow who can count?

a neutron walks into a bar. it orders a beer. the bartender hands the beer over and says, "here you go, no charge."

I've got nothing else than a charade at the moment, so that's (e?)specially for the canadians, and brian.

Bon à l'écrit ca vaut rien, mais apres qqs coupes de vins ca peut etre amusant...

Mon tout est la capitale de la France

Mon premier est ce que fait le temps

-PA car ne t'en fais pas

Mon second est ce que fait la pierre

-R car le Rockfeller

Mon troisieme est ce que fait le diable

-S car Méphistofelès.

: "et le I, t'as oublié le I"

-"hé c'est toi pardi car le confetti !"

lol

haha.

another translated joke...

so one day in the kingdom that one king that had a huge dick, charles or something, he made a competition right. the competition was this, whoever in the kingdom could withstand his girth would get a golden hammock. An old lady, upon seeing the announcement, decide to go tell her two young granddaughters. My girls she said, the king has announced that if you can withstand his girth you will get a hammock. Granny we shall go said the damsels, and off they headed. Alas they returned soon, limping. Granny the first said, i barely withstood the tip of the head and had to call it quits, and me, said the second girl, could barely take half before I almost passed out. Very well, said the granny, looks like this is a job for someone with experience, and rolling up her sleeves she marched off the to the castle. A few moments later, the two granddaughters see their granny, waddling down the cobblestone road, golden hammock around her neck. Granny they screamed, we knew you could do! No my girls she said, its just that i actually defecated on the damn thing so ive got to go wash it at the river before i return it!

theres more where that came from.

also, i wish i knew french. le frommage le baguette le poissant, cest nest pas probleme.

HOW MANY COKS DOESE IT TAKE TOS UCK A DICK ANSWER IS 50 QUEER FUCK LOL

oh yes i've got one :

On a shiny morning, a man wakes up thinking he's got quite a big one. He's also thinking he could be a member of this big-sized wang club he passed by the day before. So our man decides to go knock at the club's door. One supercilious man opens the door. "May I help you ?". "Yes, i'm here because i think I could enter the club" he says, self-confident. "Shall you show me your tool please sir ?" The man unzips his pants, not without some pride. "Shh" the other man says, lifting up one of his pants legs "And I'm only the doorman".

  On 10/31/2009 at 7:50 AM, Babar said:

oh yes i've got one :

On a shiny morning, a man wakes up thinking he's got quite a big one. He's also thinking he could be a member of this big-sized wang club he passed by the day before. So our man decides to go knock at the club's door. One supercilious man opens the door. "May I help you ?". "Yes, i'm here because i think I could enter the club" he says, self-confident. "Shall you show me your tool please sir ?" The man unzips his pants, not without some pride. "Shh" the other man says, lifting up one of his pants legs "And I'm only the doorman".

BABAR, i dont understand. basically it's a guy who thinks he has a big dong and it's not that big?

haha.

okay here goes.

so this one guys is having problems going number two, so he decides to go the doctor. Doctor he says, I have quite some difficulty in taking a dump, please help me. Okay laddie, the doctor says, please enter the examination room and remove your clothes. the patient does as told and waits for the doctor. The doctor enters, and upon seeing the patients humongous member, scratches his chin and then asks, when you try to defecate, do you have your member inside the bowl, or outside? Well, inside sir, the patient replies. the doctor gives out a hearty laugh, and states, well there is your problem, my man!, at the sight of your humongous penis, you are asshole gets scared shitless!

ah, good times.

please stop telling jokes

a piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.

the bartender says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING ROPE!".

is that to just me? cuz i was running out anyways,but it does seem like your avatar was enjoyin them atleast, as was mine.

edit,directed to messiahen

  On 10/31/2009 at 8:19 AM, modey said:

a piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.

 

the bartender says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING ROPE!".

class. this is what its all about folks.

  On 10/31/2009 at 7:53 AM, Fred McGriff said:

  On 10/31/2009 at 7:50 AM, Babar said:

oh yes i've got one :

On a shiny morning, a man wakes up thinking he's got quite a big one. He's also thinking he could be a member of this big-sized wang club he passed by the day before. So our man decides to go knock at the club's door. One supercilious man opens the door. "May I help you ?". "Yes, i'm here because i think I could enter the club" he says, self-confident. "Shall you show me your tool please sir ?" The man unzips his pants, not without some pride. "Shh" the other man says, lifting up one of his pants legs "And I'm only the doorman".

 

BABAR, i dont understand. basically it's a guy who thinks he has a big dong and it's not that big?

well i'm not too sure about "lifting up one pants leg"(just tell me what i should have say) i just meant that the doorman "pulls his pant up" like if he was showing his sock, but he's actually showing his cock. yet he's just the doorman.

here is another one

This is the story of an Navajo who has fought the war on omaha beach. The fights are over, and he's walking in the street of a charming little burg. At one point he meets an old Frenchman who try to communicate with hand signs.

Hey boy, are you a paratrooper ? *forms an arc in the air*

Are you from the infantry ? *walks his fingers from right to left*

Or maybe you're from the cavalry ? *acts as if riding a horse*

Ah i get it, you're from the navy *his hands turn into binoculars*

But the navajo runs away, obviously frightened.

A few months later, he's back to his homeland. The head-man calls him in his teepee.

"So warrior, did you kill a lot of enemies ?"

"Yes i did Great Eagle"

"Did you experience fear"

"No... yes, just once"

"What happened"

"I met a man who spoke our language"

"What did he say ?"

"He told me : when the sun will be set, and when everyone will be away, i'm gonna ride you till your eyes pops out of you head"

  On 10/31/2009 at 8:27 AM, Babar said:

  On 10/31/2009 at 7:53 AM, Fred McGriff said:

  On 10/31/2009 at 7:50 AM, Babar said:

oh yes i've got one :

On a shiny morning, a man wakes up thinking he's got quite a big one. He's also thinking he could be a member of this big-sized wang club he passed by the day before. So our man decides to go knock at the club's door. One supercilious man opens the door. "May I help you ?". "Yes, i'm here because i think I could enter the club" he says, self-confident. "Shall you show me your tool please sir ?" The man unzips his pants, not without some pride. "Shh" the other man says, lifting up one of his pants legs "And I'm only the doorman".

 

BABAR, i dont understand. basically it's a guy who thinks he has a big dong and it's not that big?

 

 

well i'm not too sure about "lifting up one pants leg"(just tell me what i should have say) i just meant that the doorman "pulls his pant up" like if he was showing his sock, but he's actually showing his cock. yet he's just the doorman.

 

 

here is another one

 

 

This is the story of an Navajo who has fought the war on omaha beach. The fights are over, and he's walking in the street of a charming little burg. At one point he meets an old Frenchman who try to communicate with hand signs.

 

Hey boy, are you a paratrooper ? *forms an arc in the air*

Are you from the infantry ? *walks his fingers from right to left*

Or maybe you're from the cavalry ? *acts as if riding a horse*

Ah i get it, you're from the navy *his hands turn into binoculars*

 

But the navajo runs away, obviously frightened.

 

 

A few months later, he's back to his homeland. The head-man calls him in his teepee.

"So warrior, did you kill a lot of enemies ?"

"Yes i did Great Eagle"

"Did you experience fear"

"No... yes, just once"

"What happened"

"I met a man who spoke our language"

"What did he say ?"

"He told me : when the sun will be set, and when everyone will be away, i'm gonna ride you till your eyes pops out of you head"

hahaha, excellent.

http://earsucker.com/2009/04/19/madonna-involved-in-horseback-riding-injury/

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/17/madonna.injuries/index.html

Someone should tell her to ride on the horse, not under it

A member of the We are the music makers forum comes to another member of the We are the music makers forum and utters:

Whats the smallest pub in the world?

no audible lols

recalibrate lolometer to 20μLOL with sampling rate of 60kHz, no lols detected

  On 10/31/2009 at 1:16 PM, Dirty Protest said:

Whats the smallest pub in the world?

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

The Thalidomide Arms

 

LOLs off the scale

  On 10/31/2009 at 7:32 AM, Babar said:

I've got nothing else than a charade at the moment, so that's (e?)specially for the canadians, and brian.

 

Bon à l'écrit ca vaut rien, mais apres qqs coupes de vins ca peut etre amusant...

 

 

Mon tout est la capitale de la France

 

Mon premier est ce que fait le temps

-PA car ne t'en fais pas

 

Mon second est ce que fait la pierre

-R car le Rockfeller

 

Mon troisieme est ce que fait le diable

-S car Méphistofelès.

 

: "et le I, t'as oublié le I"

 

-"hé c'est toi pardi car le confetti !"

arrête la coke babar

C'est vrai, je vois bien Hugo en train de sniffer la coke, pendant qu'il écrit les misérable tout en enculant la bonne.