Can't stop farting

So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results.

Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying.

It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him.

But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them.

  On 12/23/2009 at 10:08 PM, kakapo said:

So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results.

Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying.

 

It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him.

 

But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them.

hilarious.

  On 12/23/2009 at 10:31 PM, Franklin said:

  On 12/23/2009 at 10:08 PM, kakapo said:

So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results.

Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying.

 

It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him.

 

But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them.

 

hilarious.

did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose

Post fart staredowns establish dominance.

lololololzoroflgettothechoppaz

  On 12/23/2009 at 11:10 PM, Fred McGriff said:

did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose

To be honest it took me by surprise initially. But I went back 5 minutes later and it was still there. At that point I started strutting my stuff. I felt like a nazi commandant with 2 alsatians, all the little 15 year olds cowering from my gaseous tyranny. I can see this developing into a real fetish. I mean, everyone gets a a little bit of a thrill from a silent but violent on crowded pubic transport. This, however, was sexual.

did anyone laugh because if you can't laugh at a toot of whatever order of magnitude you have no heart

lol indeed.

I never walk away from a kakapo thread with anything less than a new word or phrase to add to my lexicon.

"pumpydiddle"

Thank fuck the house is empty, I just gave out a painfully pitched and very genuine lol.

It's important to always cropdust when wearing trousers, to avoid SHC/wick effect. Try to do a lap around the room when you fart, then sit and gently milk your cuffs for about 5-10 minutes until they feel the right temperature. Though it would be a bit brave to fart in shorts while in public, I suggest you try them around the house until the winds calm.

ARSE SNIFFER IS FOUND DEAD AT LOCAL TEENAGE RETAIL INLET.... more at 10.

Haha I remember one time me and 2 of my friends were eating at a pretty nice restaurant and I told them I was about to fart really loud, they were like "no, no"... Then right as the waiter was reaching over me to refill my water I farted a massive hydrogen bomb fart, I didn't even realize he was right there. Both of my friends were like "OH!!!" and sort of ducked their heads so that nobody would see their faces, and so did I, but people at the tables around us knew. What's worse is I started cracking up and couldn't stop for like 2 minutes.

once at the height of tension during a prolonged fight with my ex, i told her to stop, just stop it already! and she stopped and i let out a nice long stars of the lid drone of a fart until she threw up her hands in surrender

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvbeFRh9oiw&feature=related

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4&o=1

Amazing

  On 12/23/2009 at 11:10 PM, Fred McGriff said:

did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose

i like this concept; nate (siv) believed that the most intimidating thing you could do to somebody is stand in front of them, pull down your pants, and take a huge shit, staring them down the whole time. seems reasonable.

  On 12/24/2009 at 7:21 PM, KY said:

  On 12/23/2009 at 11:10 PM, Fred McGriff said:

did you stare any of them down? you have to stare them down after a big public fart. like you fucking did it on the goddamn fucking purpose

 

i like this concept; nate (siv) believed that the most intimidating thing you could do to somebody is stand in front of them, pull down your pants, and take a huge shit, staring them down the whole time. seems reasonable.

I know a labrador that does this.

  On 12/23/2009 at 10:08 PM, kakapo said:

So I've been on a smorgasbord of various antibiotics, codeine and ibuprofen recently, and this in combination with my usual seasonal 5000 calorie diet primarily consisting of curry and sprouts, has produced some quite alarming results.

Anyway, I was in the girls department of urban outfitters buying some Christmas presents for my niece. I was perusing some overpriced hipster tat, engulfed by vacuous 15 year olds, when I let out the most spectacular and unexpected pumpydiddle. The farty crescendo gave those closest some advance warning, not that it was going to help in the crowded shop, of quite the most vile aether imaginable. I looked up to find myriad young faces repulsed, gagging or simply confused, fearful. Was it terrorists? A small child started crying.

 

It was the kind of smell that must have had an evolutionary purpose. It said simply, cast me out, expel me from the village, this mans own body is in revolt against him.

 

But what a thrill. The sense of power. When I get back to London after Christmas I'm heading straight to topshop Oxford circus. Those little sluts won't know what's hit them.

My mind had to read this post in the most upper-class of British accents. Fucking lol!

  On 12/24/2009 at 2:24 AM, zaphod said:

once at the height of tension during a prolonged fight with my ex, i told her to stop, just stop it already! and she stopped and i let out a nice long stars of the lid drone of a fart until she threw up her hands in surrender

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tristan_chord

  On 12/24/2009 at 4:39 PM, AJW said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvbeFRh9oiw&feature=related

 

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=eb8972d2f4&o=1

:)

[youtubehd]ZoQJWNthOZM[/youtubehd]

amateur, I can out fart that dude any morning of the week.

If anybody is interested, I've stopped farting.