pig trotter farts

Dude sharting rocks. I sharted once, whilst driving on the way to work, pulled my ass checks off my seat immediately, made an immediate turn into burger king, went to the restroom and wiped my ass and deposited my shorts into the garbage... barely broke my stride.

Back to pig trotter farts.

Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight.

I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared.

We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out.

It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!".

At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing.

  On 3/7/2010 at 6:14 AM, jefferoo said:

Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight.

I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared.

We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out.

It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!".

At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing.

god damn it you should have just carried the ring around and waited for this to happen

  On 3/7/2010 at 6:27 AM, A/D said:

  On 3/7/2010 at 6:14 AM, jefferoo said:

Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight.

I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared.

We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out.

It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!".

At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing.

god damn it you should have just carried the ring around and waited for this to happen

I know. I totally fucked up

I can picture it now...

as you begin to kneel the leg seperates and the cheeks spread

to reveal a smell of mammoth proportion!

..honey will you marry me?

xxx :D

Shower Farts are pretty bad

I find morning farts are just the fucking worse. Still processing the remains of yesterday, your body is still getting back into the swing of things after a good six to eight hours break produces some pretty unearthly sounds and smells.

for any musician, practice room farts are also terrible. I do most of my practicing from 9:00AM-12:00 and my morning farts, when contained in a 27 sqft room is the textbook definition of a fart chamber. Utterly embarrassing when others come into my room to chat and then take two whiffs and slowly back away.

You are not a real man if you don't smell your morning farts under the sheets for the full experience.

Strangely, my morning farts rarely smell bad. It's the ones before bed that peel the paint on my walls.

i hate the word "farts".....

farts

farts

fffffffffffffarts

fart

fartingfart

fart

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFARTSfart

crubeens are still sort of regarded as poor people food in ireland even though hardly anyone's eaten them in about twenty years

a shame, because they're like chinese spare ribs squared.

  On 3/7/2010 at 5:42 PM, xxx said:

All farts happen on the can, which has an upshot anyway because I'm well-versed in porcelain reverb presets. I should make a rackmount version.

This bit right here is fucking incredible. Rarely is a joke so specialized, rings so true, and simultaneously has the immediacy of toilet humor as to instill lols of this caliber. In fact, what was almost a massive IRL lol reached a threshold upon which it pulled itself back and resolved into a respectful nod of quiet reverence. Bravo, i say, bravo.

!!TWO SCENARIOS I MIGHT ADD MYSELF!!

1. Take a liquid diet for a while (i had to for two weeks, medical issue, long story). Fart, shit, projectile assplode furiously. No smell. Odorless. Looks even more horrible: green, mossy and oily. No smell. Put it one inch from your nose. Nothing. Fasscinating.

2. Fart in a vocal booth. Especially if you were actually recording (and hence had your mouth flapping about) you will taste it. Awful. The usual familiarity doesn't help, forget about it being tolerable on account of NOT eating pig trotters beforehand. If indeed you'd eaten something conducive to stranger farts, forget staying conscious. Bonus: the studio guy will fucking hate your guts because acoustic foam really absorbs the stank.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59wk8G9QVaE

trotters to perfection.

  On 3/4/2010 at 6:01 PM, xxx said:

You can get an objective measure if you want. You'll need a spotter; I doubt your wife would be game for this one. Light a Bunsen burner and turn the condenser down until you get a small, strong blue flame. You have to do this bare ass and open starfish so don't get shy on me. Spread your cheeks and back up into the burner as far as you can tolerate without pain from the heat. Position a webcam or summat on the opposite side. Deploy swine gas and review the footage. If the flame hisses and turns darker blue, you've got an oxidizing flame on your hands and that means that there's a load of oxygen in your guts and things are basically normal.

 

If you blow one and that flame goes bright yellow like a camp fire, you've got an epic amount of "fuel" and that tells you that operations have gone into DefCon 4 as you try to wrestle all that cartilage and pig shit and softened piggy tarsal bone fragments and whatever else was in your meal.

 

Yeah, I sourced that idea from Dr. Kenneth High in organic chemistry when he showed me the fucking light saber inside a gas chromatographer and explained red/ox flames.

look how proud this man seems to be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVoIT7oUC3s

  On 3/4/2010 at 7:07 PM, Fred McGriff said:

UPDATE:

 

eating halls cough drops masks the dankness created by pig trotter farts

we need to get Charles Nelson Reilly to explain this phenomenon.

a well-timed bump, v-quez. i ripped the smelliest fart of my life last night. i havent shat in a few days. went to the nuggets game last night. drank loads of beer. took public transportation home. ripped ass. almost started a riot. half the passengers (including me), yelling in protest, got off on the next stop to catch the next bus. i couldnt claim it as my own, for fear of getting knifed. i pretended to be disgusted, but on the inside i was beaming with pride.

Well timed indeed. The Easter Egg farts turn out quite nasty here. The general rule is: when you smell 'em you're too late. I'm talking pure H₂S.

farting in public rules, when you can blend in with the disgusted onlookers. I remember years back, when you could still smoke in bars, I was just getting over a stomach virus, and had a few Guinness . The combo created instant gas, I could fart freely and loudly in the crowded bar, as the band played. I remember preemptively showing my disgust, as I noticed a couple women catching whiff. The farts were so bad, the scent knifed through the cigarette smoke.

  On 3/7/2010 at 6:27 AM, A/D said:

  On 3/7/2010 at 6:14 AM, jefferoo said:

Man. I ripped a really long, loud sushi / Bahn Mi (Vietnamese sandwich) fart on the subway platform bench tonight.

I was having gas pains beforehand and knew it was coming but wasn't prepared.

We were sitting next to another couple and that shit just slipped out.

It smelled to high hell and just stuck around. The other couple was like "Jesus Christ!".

At first, I tried blaming it on my fiance. That shit was so funny I was crying laughing.

god damn it you should have just carried the ring around and waited for this to happen

lol!

i managed to make my friend actually sick in my bed the other day by dutch ovening her after a full weekend consuming nothing but buckfast, burgers with donner and chilli, and scotch pie with jeans.

easily the proudest moment of my entire life.

by jeans i mean beans

Dutch Coven

PTFD

what's the "D" stand for?

edit:edit