It's summer,

I have this problem every summer.

I can feel my ass-crack getting sweaty, and I'm constantly paranoid that it's leaving a visible/smellable stain on the back of my shorts.

What can I do to stop my ass-crack from sweating so much?

ice pants

yep, maxi pad. failing that suicide.

If I stuck a pad in my buttcrack, wouldn't it make noises when I walk? Would it sound like I'm wearing a diaper?

suicide it is then.

Be sure to wear underwear. This will prevent the sweat from showing on your shorts.

Do what I do here in Texas when the weather becomes akin to walking through a sauna every time you go outside:

For this you'll need some toilet paper, and some adhesive surgical tape. Take some toilet paper, fold it neatly into a one-sheet square pile (about 8-10 sheets should be enough), and then place in the centre of the small of your back (you know that bit that dips inward, about 5 inches above your buttcrack). Now, slowly slide the paper down into your asscrack until the paper folds in upon itself due to being slid between your butt cheeks, and when about 3/4" down towards your anus (or the curvature of your ass where it begins to curve underneath), take the surgical tape and adhere one end of the tape to your left butt cheek, and then, slightly stretching the tape, carry it over across your ass crack and secure it to your right cheek, making sure that the tape pulls your cheeks together, holding the paper in place.

With this process now complete, any dewyness from your back that might run down into your asscrack or any sweat generated by your asscrack itself will be absorbed.

Bonus Feature: When taking a shit, you can detach the tape, and push the paper down to your anus to do any final cleaning needed - the paper should ideally be moist from the sweat, making the paper almost like a natural wet wipe or sanitary napkin.

^ pro tip

Either you have a less sweaty ass-crack than me, or your underwear is better at blocking the sweat.

Edit, that was at hautlle

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:05 PM, Plum said:

suicide it is then.

lol

Does the surgical tape method restrict your motion at all? Is it harder to walk/run with your ass-patties taped together?

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:10 PM, Root5 said:

Either you have a less sweaty ass-crack than me, or your underwear is better at blocking the sweat.

 

Edit, that was at hautlle

Maybe both? It hasn't been super hot here yet. Only in the 80's for a few days, usually it's in the 70's.

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:14 PM, hautlle said:

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:10 PM, Root5 said:

Either you have a less sweaty ass-crack than me, or your underwear is better at blocking the sweat.

 

Edit, that was at hautlle

 

Maybe both? It hasn't been super hot here yet. Only in the 80's for a few days, usually it's in the 70's.

It's in the 70s where I live. My ass-crack is trying to make a preemptive strike against the heat.

Nevermind, it just heat 80 here. Fahrenheit fail. (I'm from Canada)

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:16 PM, Root5 said:

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:14 PM, hautlle said:

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:10 PM, Root5 said:

Either you have a less sweaty ass-crack than me, or your underwear is better at blocking the sweat.

 

Edit, that was at hautlle

 

Maybe both? It hasn't been super hot here yet. Only in the 80's for a few days, usually it's in the 70's.

 

It's in the 70s where I live. My ass-crack is trying to make a preemptive strike against the heat.

 

Nevermind, it just heat 80 here. Fahrenheit fail. (I'm from Canada)

It's like 24C here right now. Beautiful outside. In the summer (July/August) it can get over 45C, even up to 50

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:21 PM, hautlle said:

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:16 PM, Root5 said:

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:14 PM, hautlle said:

  On 5/5/2010 at 8:10 PM, Root5 said:

Either you have a less sweaty ass-crack than me, or your underwear is better at blocking the sweat.

 

Edit, that was at hautlle

 

Maybe both? It hasn't been super hot here yet. Only in the 80's for a few days, usually it's in the 70's.

 

It's in the 70s where I live. My ass-crack is trying to make a preemptive strike against the heat.

 

Nevermind, it just heat 80 here. Fahrenheit fail. (I'm from Canada)

 

It's like 24C here right now. Beautiful outside. In the summer (July/August) it can get over 45C, even up to 50

It goes up to like 30C or maybe a bit higher where I am, and my ass sweats like a faucet.

Damn yo. I'm sorry I can't relate to your pain.

In all seriousness, baby powder or talcum powder. You may need to reapply during the day, but it will work wonders.

put your jorts in the freezer

I use Summer Glau's Summer Glue. Work's a charm.

When your asscrack is sweaty, wipe it with a tissue, then air your asscrack and asshole out. What the fuck is the problem?

unzip your sweat pants a lil

Spray your ass with deodorant

lose weight

I know the drug for you: Egazil(Hyoscyamine)

The actions of hyoscyamine result in a reduction in salivary, bronchial, gastric and sweat gland secretions, mydriasis, cycloplegia, change in heart rate, contraction of the bladder detrusor muscle and of the gastrointestinal smooth muscle, and decreased gastrointestinal motility.

If I take like 3-6x 0.2mg of this a day, I don't sweat at all.