weirdest shit you did to your parents as a kid

One time I put a nerd down my dad's ear while he was sleeping because I had cursed when we were roughhousing and he put a bar of soap in my mouth and scraped it against my teeth.

weirdest shit your parents did to you as a kid

Once...

my mom took out a belt to beat me with and laid me down on the ground and sat on me and started whipping the floor next to my head and she laughed aggressively.

I shit in my grandma's mouth once if that counts... she asked for it though so..

I hope it had cork kernels in it

LOL corn

my parents are mormons and have a basement full of food storage for the apocalypse. when i was 5 and my brother was 3 or so we decided, for some reason, to just spill that shit everywhere. we utterly trashed the entire basement, throwing bottles all over the place. just random, spontaneous anarchy. food EVERYWHERE. i know it was my idea but i still don't even remember what the reasoning was. probably something like "i'm 5." my dad paddled my brother with a breadboard and locked me in the bathroom for 2 whole days, haha. took away all my toys. shit was whack.

I took a bottle of talcum powder and emptied it on every avaliable floor surface so that the entire floor, my footsepts included, was covered in a nice veil of white powder.

while that indeed sucks, it is hilarious at the same time.

Started doing acid at 15 and never looked back.

  On 9/3/2010 at 8:16 AM, disparaissant said:

my parents are mormons and have a basement full of food storage for the apocalypse. when i was 5 and my brother was 3 or so we decided, for some reason, to just spill that shit everywhere. we utterly trashed the entire basement, throwing bottles all over the place. just random, spontaneous anarchy. food EVERYWHERE. i know it was my idea but i still don't even remember what the reasoning was. probably something like "i'm 5." my dad paddled my brother with a breadboard and locked me in the bathroom for 2 whole days, haha. took away all my toys. shit was whack.

lol, can you imagine just how grounded you'd've been had the apocalypse actually occurred?

  On 9/3/2010 at 12:06 PM, pigster said:

  On 9/3/2010 at 8:16 AM, disparaissant said:

my parents are mormons and have a basement full of food storage for the apocalypse. when i was 5 and my brother was 3 or so we decided, for some reason, to just spill that shit everywhere. we utterly trashed the entire basement, throwing bottles all over the place. just random, spontaneous anarchy. food EVERYWHERE. i know it was my idea but i still don't even remember what the reasoning was. probably something like "i'm 5." my dad paddled my brother with a breadboard and locked me in the bathroom for 2 whole days, haha. took away all my toys. shit was whack.

 

lol, can you imagine just how grounded you'd've been had the apocalypse actually occurred?

oh man, we wouldn't have had enough food to make it to jackson county, missouri, the new garden of eden which will be covered with a dome of fire that only the righteous can pass through! we'd miss the jesus boat! i'd be in SO much trouble!

mormons are so fucking weird, ugh.

I took a cucumber from the fridge and smashed it on the side of a cupboard while shouting CUCUMMMBBEERRRR when I was about 6

LOL

fucked one of my mother's friends

  On 9/3/2010 at 8:16 AM, disparaissant said:

my dad paddled my brother with a breadboard and locked me in the bathroom for 2 whole days, haha. took away all my toys. shit was whack.

Shiiiit, that's a touch unhinged

  On 9/3/2010 at 1:10 PM, mcbpete said:

  On 9/3/2010 at 8:16 AM, disparaissant said:

my dad paddled my brother with a breadboard and locked me in the bathroom for 2 whole days, haha. took away all my toys. shit was whack.

Shiiiit, that's a touch unhinged

Seriously, people like that shouldn't be allowed to raise/break kids.

when i was like 5 or something, me and my mentally challenged friend trashed my grandpa's volvo, throwing rocks through the windows, denting the car all over with a big stick etc.

when they came out of the house to see wtf was going on i blamed the whole thing on superman.

"superman did it!"

i seriously don't remember any of it though, might've been drugged.

  On 9/3/2010 at 12:54 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

I took a cucumber from the fridge and smashed it on the side of a cupboard while shouting CUCUMMMBBEERRRR when I was about 6

ahahaha

  On 9/3/2010 at 1:21 PM, Gocab said:

  On 9/3/2010 at 1:10 PM, mcbpete said:

  On 9/3/2010 at 8:16 AM, disparaissant said:

my dad paddled my brother with a breadboard and locked me in the bathroom for 2 whole days, haha. took away all my toys. shit was whack.

Shiiiit, that's a touch unhinged

Seriously, people like that shouldn't be allowed to raise/break kids.

in fairness to him, that was the worst he ever did all at once. i'm fucked up for plenty of other reasons

Oh, right, I was talking about mormons.

j/k.

sort of.

  On 9/3/2010 at 2:36 PM, Gocab said:

Oh, right, I was talking about mormons.

 

 

j/k.

 

 

sort of.

i can't say i entirely disagree...

my dad was coming down the ladder after fixing something and i deliberately hit his leg with my little bicycle (still with small side wheels). poor man, got this huge bruising because i was just messing around and bored.

the weirdest shit i did to my parents was when my mom found out i'm smoking pot:

my mom found once long time ago my pack of marry jane, along with all necessary tools (tobacco, rolling leafs, filters etc), nicely lying on the couch which i forgot to put it on safe the previous night. the next morning she asked me what was that, so i told her it is some kind of tobacco from india you mix along with regular tobacco. i knew right from the beginning that this will end up to no good. in my struggle to react as innocent as i could i made up this story about indian tobacco, and how it's completely harmless etc. then she said she wants to try it. fuck. ok, so i rolled us a spliff. it was actually some heavy skunk. the most funny thing was that she didn't let _me_ smoke it with her, she wanted to smoke it herself. inside of me, i've had this battles of being terrified of the consequences of my current actions, and utterly happy with a grin on my face at the same time. so yea, she smoked the whole spliff alone and spent the rest of the day lying on the sofa, covered with a blanked, soothingly grinning and mumbling, eating everything she could find... and then she said "you are a horrible child, what did you give me?" i just could not stop laughing at the scene i was witnessing. it was priceless.

  On 9/3/2010 at 12:54 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

I took a cucumber from the fridge and smashed it on the side of a cupboard while shouting CUCUMMMBBEERRRR when I was about 6

!!!!

  On 9/3/2010 at 3:02 PM, pigster said:

  On 9/3/2010 at 12:54 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

I took a cucumber from the fridge and smashed it on the side of a cupboard while shouting CUCUMMMBBEERRRR when I was about 6

 

!!!!

LOL

To this day I go through very elaborate or otherwise time-costly means of scaring the shit out of my mom. Hiding under her bed for close to half an hour, sneaking up on her when she's washing her face so she gets that horrible slasher-flick !there's-suddenly-a-guy-in-the-mirror! startle. I once dipped my PJs in water up to the knee and woke her up soaking wet telling her the basement's flooded. It was April Fool's though this one time. Every time I pull off some of this shit, she does really really funny horror faces, then calls me an idiot but can't abstain from laughing along with me. Good thing she's got a strong heart.