weirdest shit you did to your parents as a kid

i painted the entire (white) house with axle grease and crushed up coal as far as i could reach when i was 6 or so and then had to run away from my absolutely livid dad for about 15 minutes until he finally caught me and gave me the one and only spanked bottom of my life and it was terrible.

axle grease? lol

  On 9/3/2010 at 3:02 PM, Godwin Austen said:

the weirdest shit i did to my parents was when my mom found out i'm smoking pot:

 

my mom found once long time ago my pack of marry jane, along with all necessary tools (tobacco, rolling leafs, filters etc), nicely lying on the couch which i forgot to put it on safe the previous night. the next morning she asked me what was that, so i told her it is some kind of tobacco from india you mix along with regular tobacco. i knew right from the beginning that this will end up to no good. in my struggle to react as innocent as i could i made up this story about indian tobacco, and how it's completely harmless etc. then she said she wants to try it. fuck. ok, so i rolled us a spliff. it was actually some heavy skunk. the most funny thing was that she didn't let _me_ smoke it with her, she wanted to smoke it herself. inside of me, i've had this battles of being terrified of the consequences of my current actions, and utterly happy with a grin on my face at the same time. so yea, she smoked the whole spliff alone and spent the rest of the day lying on the sofa, covered with a blanked, soothingly grinning and mumbling, eating everything she could find... and then she said "you are a horrible child, what did you give me?" i just could not stop laughing at the scene i was witnessing. it was priceless.

Your mom knew EXACTLY what it was...

I did the talcum powder all over the room as a child too, and one time in a clothing store, I found a hatpin on the floor and ran up and stuck it into my mom's buttock. She screamed out and I got a whipping for it.

I miss my mom.

i pulled back my dad's chair just when he was standing for some reason because that was some funny shit kids did to eachother.. turns out i kinda fucked up his back for ever.

when my mom came to pick me up from my first day of kindergarten she had to have a long and awkward talk with my teacher. apparently the assignment was to draw a picture of the person you most admired, and I had drawn (and named) John Wilkes Booth. mom never knew quite what to make of that.

Once, my parents abandonned me on the side of a road, somewhere in New Mexico because i was too excited in the car. They stopped after 30 meters, went backward, and when i got back into the car, i was. Calm. Extremely calm. I guess it has left its marks on my psyche.

See, it's parents that do things to kids, not the other way around.

i used to practice falling down as smoothly as possible. so when i got a particular technique mastered i stumbled into the living room and dropped face-first to the floor, breathing as subtly as possible for up to 30 mins. i never got her to freak out though, she must have seen me practicing.

edit: her = my mom

Took pictures of them having sex , showed the pictures to my friends.

you guys are making me feel tame; i did some wild shit but nothing that ever really affected them, that i can remember now... my dad would get angry for no good reason anyways b/c he was impatient so it's not like i had to do anything legitimate to get yelled at! (not meaning to slander but it's a fact!)

  On 9/3/2010 at 5:05 PM, GORDO said:

i pulled back my dad's chair just when he was standing for some reason because that was some funny shit kids did to eachother.. turns out i kinda fucked up his back for ever.

i laughed out loud at this then felt bad

^^ditto (@ Deep Fried).

Only one I can think of is me scratching "Hapy Birday!" all over my mom's new Headboard with a knife.

  On 9/3/2010 at 8:46 PM, Scrambled Ears said:

  On 9/3/2010 at 5:05 PM, GORDO said:

i pulled back my dad's chair just when he was standing for some reason because that was some funny shit kids did to eachother.. turns out i kinda fucked up his back for ever.

i laughed out loud at this then felt bad

exactly what happened to me at the time.

Dang, guys.

I accidentally kicked my dad in the jewels super hard while trying to "kick his ass".

My mom said, "Bite me," so I did.

I guess I just had a childhood problem with...what are those? Euphemisms? I didn't get out much or have many friends, so it was like 4th grade before I started really picking up on vernacular and whatnot.

I used to go to the store with my dad and then proceed to throw myself around and scream for my papa to stop hitting me.

I also used to piss on the back door, 20 feet from the bathroom, and hide open, uneaten freeze pops under the couch on the carpet. like 20 at a time. what the fuck. when we moved the stain under the couch was EPIC.

edit:

i used to piss by the back door on the inside wall 20 feet from the bathroom. in the house.

  On 9/3/2010 at 12:54 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

I took a cucumber from the fridge and smashed it on the side of a cupboard while shouting CUCUMMMBBEERRRR when I was about 6

lmao

i remember something very funny/stupid i did, but to my grandma, when i was a little kid:

i used to go to elementary school in the morning and spend the afternoon at her house, while my folks were working.

one day i hid myself behind a door, that was right in the kitchen, because it was a corner unnoticed in that house. in the next hour i would hear her come and go, in and out the house, asking her neighbours, calling my parents and check every possible part of the house. she was in such distress looking for me, that even forgot to check that corner. i finally got bored and decided to get out. she got really pissed, but i thought it was quite funny

I used to bite my grandma on the ass. Super hard.

Then i would duck under the kitchen table with a knife and recite what is improper for kids to do, most of which was inane and/or imposible to do, i.e. "One must not hang from the ceiling. One must not eat the frying pan, etc." Dunno what the knife was for. I guess I liked knives.

Age 3 to 4.

When I was about 4 or 5, at around five in the morning before my parents were even awake, I took powdered laundry detergent and started throwing it at the dog, screaming "WHEEEEEE!", and when my parents came to see what had happened, I grinned at them and declared it was snowing.

When I was about 10, right before going to the bus stop for school, I was standing in front of the mirror, holding my breath to watch my face change colors. When it got to purple, I breathed in and watched myself lean away from the mirror. I woke up to my parents opening the door and yelling, asking me what had happened. I was a few seconds from getting out of school for the day, when I told them I was holding my breath and passed out. Then the looks of panic turned into those mildly irritated looks of, "Oh, that's what you did, is it? Stupid kid, and you know you're going to school."

They caught me sucking my cousin's dick.

It was worth it.

):

  On 9/6/2010 at 2:49 AM, No Don said:

They caught me sucking my cousin's dick.

 

 

It was worth it.

):

  On 9/6/2010 at 2:49 AM, No Don said:

They caught me sucking my cousin's dick.

 

 

It was worth it.

):

Some of these are brilliant.

I once drove my dads car to the next street while he was on a long phone call with someone. Hid the keys and told him my brother (who was about 10 + out with friends) went to the shops to get an ice lolly. He wasn't too happy when a friend of his asked him why his car was outside his next door neighbours house.

To be honest he was quite cool about it after a few hours.

haha that reminds me, i used to move my dad's van all over parking lots with my brother after church. it was a manual so we'd hop in and pop the clutch and push it to the other side of the lot or around the side or whatever. he thought somebody had stolen it the first time, pretty hilarious.

I thought it was a good idea to empty the boiling kettle on my head when I was 3. Totally worth it.