how long do you like sex to last?

i gave up sex a while ago cause i am so shitty at it

usually about five minutes, depending on how much homework i need to help her with

up until just before it starts to hurt

I try to cram in as many jobs as possible before the spunk turns red.

with my left hand, hours and hours the greedy bitch. the right hand is satisfied with quickies though.

i like to be done before the roofies wear off

My sex life has been like being on a fucking boat for 5 months

A "fucking boat" sounds pretty sexy, actually.

i can picture it now.

till my face starts vibrating

  On 9/21/2010 at 6:14 AM, cardan said:

My sex life has been like being on a fucking boat for 5 months

Ive heard it said that drinking lager is like having sex in a boat.

Its fucking close to water.

I tell them to get undressed then i like to masturbate for hours right in front of their face while i try unsucessfully to get an erection. I'm pretty sure it never gets awkward though because i'm usually like "yeah..... oohh" and "shit" and "ahh fuck yeah"

lol

  On 9/21/2010 at 3:42 AM, marf said:

i gave up sex a while ago cause i am so shitty at it

And because of all those herpes.

  On 9/21/2010 at 8:36 PM, Rambo said:

I tell them to get undressed then i like to masturbate for hours right in front of their face while i try unsucessfully to get an erection. I'm pretty sure it never gets awkward though because i'm usually like "yeah..... oohh" and "shit" and "ahh fuck yeah"

not kidding. i broke up w/ a girl i really liked and told her to find a real man to fuck her

  On 9/21/2010 at 10:50 PM, marf said:

not kidding. i broke up w/ a girl i really liked and told her to find a real man to fuck her

Dude! Send her my way.

One of my best friends is a real man and he'd probably like to meet her.

I can totally arrange that shit!

we aren't speaking. otherwise id be happy to expedite

What is sex? I'm a fucking lonely alcoholic who hates everyone.

  On 9/21/2010 at 11:48 PM, impakt said:

What is sex? I'm a fucking lonely alcoholic who hates everyone.

its where you have a picture in your mind of said chick naked while you gallantly stride her amongst a pasture of daisies and butterflies. then you like fuck.

I usually like to keep it under a minute, that way I can get through the hundred or so women who line up naked in my house every day and still have time to get other shit done.

I used to go for around 5 minutes, but it would just take so long to get down the line that a lot of the women would just start fucking each other, which meant I'd often have to take anywhere between 2 and 8 on at once when I'd get to them, and that can be kind of annoying.

Keeping it on the low side also means that I can put a pizza in the oven before I start and be able to enjoy a meal once I get down to the kitchen if I time it right.

an assgasm sounds really intense. i feel like i'd throw up while having an assgasm.