A discussion about disfigured people

I just remembered something that happened the other day.

I was walking around the city, when suddenly I realised the person I was walking past barely had a face. His mouth looked more like a hole that was sculpted in a lump of clay, he didn't have much of a nose, and the poor guy was wearing sunglasses to hide what I assume may have been even more severely disfigured eyes.

But the thing that interested me most about this moment, was that, because it caught me off guard, my natural instincts kicked in. And just for a split second, I felt the EXACT SAME feeling I get when I have a nightmare, and I'm being chased by a hideous monster, and I nearly started running as fast as I could.

It was literally only a split second reaction but my heart nearly leapt out of my chest because I thought I needed to kick in to survival mode. This kinda disturbed me, I thought I was old enough and mature enough to understand and accept people of all appearances, but here were my natural instincts over-riding that completely.

I don't really have a question but I thought it was an interesting moment. Anyone else felt anything similar?

Uh, no, I haven't but I'd presume that an initial shock is a perfectly understandable reaction to something that you weren't expecting.

Dealing with the embarassment in an adult and respectful manner is what determines how decent a person you are.

As long as you didn't gawp or go over-the-top to prove your acceptance; you're fine. Flashing a sincere smile if you think that he had noticed your second of horror is best.

Edit:

Personally, I'm still a little haunted by one encounter I had with a bar-maid in my first year of university. She wasn't disfigured, but had a lazy-eye. But she was really attractive. Spanish, but looked a bit like Rachel Stevens.

I just crumbled when I got to the front of the busy bar because I wasn't sure where she was looking. It was a mixture of nerves because she looked amazing, but I feared that I was embarassing her too.

She told me "it's alright" having sensed that I was embarassed, but I still feel a bit bad about it and that was probably 7+ years ago.

lol your instinct was to beat the shit out of him and run away?

i think it's hard not to stare in these situations. that must be the hardest thing for the disfigured dood, everyone double-taking and staring all the time... and little kids crying and saying hurtful, naive stuff.

the guy at my local corner shop has a full extra thumb growing out of his thumb (i've talked about this before on here) and the first time i saw it i must have looked repulsed without meaning to. repulsion is a hard instinct to suppress.

  On 5/24/2011 at 12:51 PM, Gary C said:

Uh, no, I haven't but I'd presume that an initial shock is a perfectly understandable reaction to something that you weren't expecting.

Dealing with the embarassment in an adult and respectful manner is what determines how decent a person you are.

 

As long as you didn't gawp or go over-the-top to prove your acceptance; you're fine. Flashing a sincere smile if you think that he had noticed your second of horror is best.

 

Edit:

Personally, I'm still a little haunted by one encounter I had with a bar-maid in my first year of university. She wasn't disfigured, but had a lazy-eye. But she was really attractive. Spanish, but looked a bit like Rachel Stevens.

I just crumbled when I got to the front of the busy bar because I wasn't sure where she was looking. It was a mixture of nerves because she looked amazing, but I feared that I was embarassing her too.

She told me "it's alright" having sensed that I was embarassed, but I still feel a bit bad about it and that was probably 7+ years ago.

you didn't say "Cod eye have a pint please?"... did you?

I know this feeling, I've seen a guy before who looks like his skin is inside out, I saw him from a way off but I would have panicked if I just turned the corner and he was there, and I saw people nearby do just that.

  On 5/24/2011 at 1:03 PM, Coalbucket PI said:

 

you didn't say "Cod eye have a pint please?"... did you?

 

lol

I might have done.

i think its generally a natural kind of reaction, unless you work with disfigured or disabled people on a daily basis then sure seeing something like that will catch you unawares, i just try and flash a smile, little things like that can make someone's day. I get the same thing with my stretched ears and im very used to being with people who are heavily modified (elective disfigurement if you will) so im less prone to reacting in a negative manner straight off the bat.

I saw a chap walking the other day actually, he had a bit of a lurch but when I looked properly I saw his left foot was pointing pretty much completely backwards. I was sort of impressed he was able to walk that fast and I ended up gawping like a cunt just trying to figure out the mechanics of it. Now that must be annoying because I was looking at him from 50m away. I mean that sort of disfigurement people won't react to your face and then ten paces later you know they are just turning round and staaaaaaring, you'd almost rather people just shit their keks when they spot your mug.

Go to Bond Street Central Line platforms around 4pm onwards and you'll see a horribly disfigured burn victim at the bottom of the stairs waiting for change. He's right round the corner as you get down the stairs, sitting on the floor and it catches me unawares every time. I also get that knee jerk nervous reaction, it's impossible not to I think. Kind of a mixture of fear and pity I guess, it's really awkward. Makes you feel really shitty (especially when you don't have any change)

I think an instinctive reaction like that is fairly understandable, to be honest - like Gary and Kaen say, it's how you deal with it that matters. But if you're any kind of decent human being, you don't need to be told not to stare or gawp or elbow your mates to take a look.

On the other hand, going out of your way to smile or condescend could be taken as fairly patronising. Honestly, if I notice someone with a disfigurement or other obvious disability, I treat them like any other stranger on the street - that is, with cold and frosty London detachment.

Incidentally, when I had an accident a few months ago and ended up with several stitches in my face, black eye, lots of superficial cuts etc., I did notice that people would stare on the tube - but I compeltely understood it. I'd want to know where that dude got his badass wounds too. Also, lots of women came up to me in bars and pubs asking questions about them, which gave me plenty of scope for making up bullshit stories that made me sound like a faintly ridiculous tough-guy.

Now my injuries have healed and I just have a few small scars on my cheek and a moderate one by my left eye. Holy shit, I've just realised I'm disfigured.

  On 5/24/2011 at 1:51 PM, Obel said:

Go to Bond Street Central Line platforms around 4pm onwards and you'll see a horribly disfigured burn victim at the bottom of the stairs waiting for change. He's right round the corner as you get down the stairs, sitting on the floor and it catches me unawares every time. I also get that knee jerk nervous reaction, it's impossible not to I think. Kind of a mixture of fear and pity I guess, it's really awkward. Makes you feel really shitty (especially when you don't have any change)

i think i might have seen the guy you mean. i don't give change to any beggers as a rule, disfigurement or not. sometimes i might offer a cigarette - although i'd imagine that's the last thing that poor bloke wants, lol.

  On 5/24/2011 at 1:57 PM, Iain C said:

  On 5/24/2011 at 1:51 PM, Obel said:

Go to Bond Street Central Line platforms around 4pm onwards and you'll see a horribly disfigured burn victim at the bottom of the stairs waiting for change. He's right round the corner as you get down the stairs, sitting on the floor and it catches me unawares every time. I also get that knee jerk nervous reaction, it's impossible not to I think. Kind of a mixture of fear and pity I guess, it's really awkward. Makes you feel really shitty (especially when you don't have any change)

 

i think i might have seen the guy you mean. i don't give change to any beggers as a rule, disfigurement or not. sometimes i might offer a cigarette - although i'd imagine that's the last thing that poor bloke wants, lol.

ashamed lol

  On 5/24/2011 at 2:35 PM, Obel said:

  On 5/24/2011 at 1:57 PM, Iain C said:

  On 5/24/2011 at 1:51 PM, Obel said:

Go to Bond Street Central Line platforms around 4pm onwards and you'll see a horribly disfigured burn victim at the bottom of the stairs waiting for change. He's right round the corner as you get down the stairs, sitting on the floor and it catches me unawares every time. I also get that knee jerk nervous reaction, it's impossible not to I think. Kind of a mixture of fear and pity I guess, it's really awkward. Makes you feel really shitty (especially when you don't have any change)

 

i think i might have seen the guy you mean. i don't give change to any beggers as a rule, disfigurement or not. sometimes i might offer a cigarette - although i'd imagine that's the last thing that poor bloke wants, lol.

 

ashamed lol

is it the guy who looks like he's been burnt all over and has no hands and can't seem talk properly?

I'm not observant at all, it'd pretty much take somebody missing an entire head to make me double take...

Oh my: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2373026662&v=wall

Seems like he's something of a local celebrity: http://www.kudocities.com/cities/london/conversations/extraordinarily-unfortunate-man-at-bond-street-station

dallas wiens

My impulse is to want to draw them so I always look. I have a fascination with how the human body adapts to adverse conditions. I'm sure they think I'm a weirdo for looking at them in a fascinated way or just a fucking asshole, but I can't help it.

  On 5/24/2011 at 2:50 PM, Iain C said:

Oh my: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2373026662&v=wall

 

Seems like he's something of a local celebrity: http://www.kudocities.com/cities/london/conversations/extraordinarily-unfortunate-man-at-bond-street-station

Oh shit...

Sigh

Ah, from the comments:

  Quote

As promised, I now have the answer to Mr Bond Street.

 

I finally mananged to speak – via London Street Rescue – to one of the local “outreach” teams for rough sleepers. He is the gent I suggested, and he is well known to the teams that cover the boroughs of Camden and Westminster.

 

Not wishing to breach patient confidentiality, I’m not going to give his surname etc, but he does suffer from necrotising fasciitis, which has caused his disfigurement. He has been offered all sorts of help. He has – apparently – told social workers, outreach workers etc etc of all types, descriptions, persuasions, shapes and sizes to “FOXTROT OSCAR” [if you understand my meaning] every time.

 

He has also been the subject of several ASBOs, which have banned him from begging in particular areas, hence he is peripatetic between/around local underground stations.

 

So – there you have it…...........

  On 5/24/2011 at 2:55 PM, Salvatorin said:

dallas wiens

Woah... yeah this guy looked a bit like that but wearing sunglasses.

By the way... I don't think I really reacted at all. I didn't stare, I didn't smile at him, I just looked back in the direction I was walking and kept going as if I saw nothing. PERHAPS my eyes widened but I'm sure that would have been the only physical reaction, barely noticable.

I'm glad everyone else thinks the initial gut feeling was natural :P It was weird though, cos I felt like a kid in a nightmare for a split second.

I went to meet a client a few weeks ago for lunch in Old Town Temecula and we were walking towards the restaurant and when we turned the corner, there was a man sitting on a bench with what appeared to be a hole about as big as a tennis ball under his left eye socket and no nose. I had sunglasses on so I kept my head straight and but scoped him out for that brief glance I had.

I remember seeing some show about a rare flesh eating disease where the dudes's face was completely gone. that's what the guy looked like he had.

my client and I didn't talk about him, but I saw people that walked past and people inside the restaurant whispering to themselves about the gentleman.

One of my teachers in community college had a very rare bone disease that made his face look swollen. At first, I almost felt nauseous but I got used to his condition very soon. One of his eyes was popped out and couldn't see and his hearing was lacking because of his oversized bones. But still, he was a very interesting and intelligent man who had a family and it was a matter of hours before we would all forget about his condition.

Disgust is just about the most powerful emotion and easily manipulated. Remember Joseph Goebbels. So unless you're planning on sending the unclean to gas chambers any time soon, the world will probably forgive a gut reaction to disfigurement that 99% of people experience.

i feel grateful. These people seem to have so much strength

I had a similar experience when I saw what looked like a young boy, about 6 or 7 who looked as if he had a face transplant. His mom was lifting up the bandage underneath and I could definitely see that he had no nose and no lips. I was probably 12 or 13 when I saw this, so felt pretty harsh to see such a young person so disfigured.