A discussion about disfigured people

  On 5/24/2011 at 10:23 PM, Jonas said:

  On 5/24/2011 at 12:39 PM, Springymajig said:

Anyone else felt anything similar?

 

I dunno how he expected me to react to his face,

i dunno how you expected that to not be completely rude.

how was he supposed to react

  On 5/24/2011 at 10:23 PM, Jonas said:

  On 5/24/2011 at 12:39 PM, Springymajig said:

Anyone else felt anything similar?

 

Around 16 years ago I worked in a restaurant, one uneventful day I was cleaning the coffee bar area not paying much attention to my surrounding and customers, when all of a sudden someone asked for a drink. I look up and see a terribly burned face. As I didn't expect to see such an image at all, I was surprised, probably not the right description, I reacted scared and uttered the equivalent of 'damn', leaning back. I didn't know how to look at his face and kind of stared past him without saying anything for a minute. The guy got mad at me and wanted to file a complaint. I dunno how he expected me to react to his face, if I'd seen him coming in I wouldn't have reacted that way.

Well see this is interesting because if I was in close contact with this guy I saw I probably would have offended him too! It's only because I was a couple of meters away from him that I had enough time to stop myself from reacting. I was SO CLOSE to running (to be honest... I've been pretty stressed at the moment and I am occasionally getting real life and dreams mixed up :P ).

But still... even if I wasn't tired... I think moments like this could be disasterous, and I'd feel really bad about but then I think it's natural, it sounds callous but you're right, how else did he expect you to react to his face?

This reminds me of something, actually. When I was 16 I did my work experience placement in a local hippy clothing/headshop type place. I thought it would be fun, but in fact it was terribly bad and boring. But anyway, one of the girls who worked there was called was quiet but very cute, and I developed one of those harmless workplace crushes which are more a product of boredom than anything else.

After my placement, I was speaking to someone else who'd worked there and I mentioned this girl, and they said "Oh, with the hand?" Apparently all of the fingers on one of her hands were fused together... and I didn't notice at all for two weeks!

on a mate's stag do, in a berlin titty-bar, there was a one legged stripper... couldn't help but stare.

I don't recall ever being startled by a disfigured person, but when I'm talking to someone with a lazy eye I worry that they're going to think I'm staring at it when I make eye contact... so that can be awkward. Obviously that's pretty silly. I know a photographer who gets really excited anytime she sees someone who has a physical abnormality and will immediately get her camera out if it's on her. It makes me uncomfortable if I'm around her at the time because I always feel like she's exploiting them, but for her it's just another fascinating subject to shoot. She gets similarly excited about elderly people. It's really quite sweet.

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:36 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

When I'm talking to someone with a lazy eye I worry that they're going to think I'm staring at it when I make eye contact... so that can be awkward.

Pick the good eye and stick to it is usually the best policy, don't start flicking your eyes between their two eyes, or even worse, following where their lazy eye is looking. Same tactic with crossed eyes.

Yeah, actually that reminds me of a time I was in McDonalds years ago and there was a cute asian girl behind the counter with extremely crossed eyes. I wasn't bothered by it but because it's less of a queue than a huddle in those places I didn't realise she was talking to me when she asked "what would you like, sir?". It took a few seconds of me staring absently into space before she waved at me to grab my attention, I embarrassedly said "Oh, sorry!" but she was cool, just laughed, smiled sweetly and took my order. She was probably used to it but still, what an arse.

I used to know a crazy bitch lady who hated all and everything for no reason. She had a lazy eye. to piss her off i'd pretend the eye that was actually focusing on me was lazy and look past her, yelling. She got really mad and i got in a lot of trouble for it. I didn't feel bad though. She was a terrible person.

i knew a guy with a glass eye (he'd stuck a lead pencil in his eye as a child and killed it). it was hard not to look at it when talking to him. even harder when he didn't have his glass eye in - taking it out was his party trick.

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:53 AM, Lady kakapo said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:36 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

When I'm talking to someone with a lazy eye I worry that they're going to think I'm staring at it when I make eye contact... so that can be awkward.

 

Pick the good eye and stick to it is usually the best policy.

Good call. I think I do that, maybe, but I worry regardless. Then again, I've always had an awkward time with eye contact. For the longest time I seldom made eye contact when I spoke to people, until my first girlfriend tried to set me straight on that. I'm still more of a glancer than a fixer. Apparently that's supposed to put people at ease, so perhaps my awkwardness makes people trust me more... seems a bit of a stretch.

  On 5/25/2011 at 12:20 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:53 AM, Lady kakapo said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:36 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

When I'm talking to someone with a lazy eye I worry that they're going to think I'm staring at it when I make eye contact... so that can be awkward.

 

Pick the good eye and stick to it is usually the best policy.

 

Good call. I think I do that, maybe, but I worry regardless. Then again, I've always had an awkward time with eye contact. For the longest time I seldom made eye contact when I spoke to people, until my first girlfriend tried to set me straight on that. I'm still more of a glancer than a fixer. Apparently that's supposed to put people at ease, so perhaps my awkwardness makes people trust me more... seems a bit of a stretch.

I would stand on that. The stare seems too intense and uncomfortable. I much prefer the casual glance. but it does take some skill to pull off!

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:53 AM, Lady kakapo said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:36 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

When I'm talking to someone with a lazy eye I worry that they're going to think I'm staring at it when I make eye contact... so that can be awkward.

 

Pick the good eye and stick to it is usually the best policy.

these guys have the right idea. other than that though, this thread hasn't turned into a photos-of-disfigured-people thread? hm.

Sorted!

like having a visceral reaction to someone who is disfigured is one thing, but this guy i know actively hates people who are disfigured in any way. it's the damnedest thing. little people, even. like, he wants them all to be rounded up and killed, nazi style. and he thinks this is a-okay.

i guess karma caught up to him, he ended up with testicular cancer and is down a ball.

  On 5/25/2011 at 8:34 PM, disparaissant said:

like having a visceral reaction to someone who is disfigured is one thing, but this guy i know actively hates people who are disfigured in any way. it's the damnedest thing. little people, even. like, he wants them all to be rounded up and killed, nazi style. and he thinks this is a-okay.

 

i guess karma caught up to him, he ended up with testicular cancer and is down a ball.

Kick him in the other one, kick him in the other one!

  On 5/25/2011 at 12:24 PM, essines said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 12:20 PM, Zephyr_Nova said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:53 AM, Lady kakapo said:

  On 5/25/2011 at 11:36 AM, Zephyr_Nova said:

When I'm talking to someone with a lazy eye I worry that they're going to think I'm staring at it when I make eye contact... so that can be awkward.

 

Pick the good eye and stick to it is usually the best policy.

 

Good call. I think I do that, maybe, but I worry regardless. Then again, I've always had an awkward time with eye contact. For the longest time I seldom made eye contact when I spoke to people, until my first girlfriend tried to set me straight on that. I'm still more of a glancer than a fixer. Apparently that's supposed to put people at ease, so perhaps my awkwardness makes people trust me more... seems a bit of a stretch.

I would stand on that. The stare seems too intense and uncomfortable. I much prefer the casual glance. but it does take some skill to pull off!

Oh it's all accident with me. I liken most of my social encounters to rolling dice and hoping for the best.

if I concentrate on looking people in the eye I go in a trance and feel their soul and we both look away. Usually how it plays out. I try to keep it to glances at the eyes. Ill look in the air like Im thinking of what they are saying. lol then look back. Unless I am close to someone, then I dont notice eye contact

I know a girl whose face is burned pretty bad. When I first saw her, I was taken aback a little, but after about a couple seconds, I was fine with it. I guess I"m use to seeing fucked up shit like that, and react pretty well upon first glance. I think as long as you don't keep staring at them or make obvious gestures that make them feel uncomfortable, you're good.

I'd wager that nervous/socially awkward people in the past had just as much trouble with it then as now. But let's get back to the disfigurement. My big toes are fucking huge. You would back-flip while shitting yourselves if you saw them. Big fuckin' toes man.

I would feel like an absolute creep if i were to stare someone straight in the eye throughout our conversation.