Missionaries

So I'm hung over, like usual, and while I was walking home this afternoon, there were a couple missionaries in their cute, little suits that wanted to stop and chat with me. I didn't stop, but I chatted. It went a little something like a-this:

Missionary: "Hi there! I'm representing the church of [i forgot it already] and we'd like to talk to you."

Braintree: "[chuckle] Well, that's too bad."

Missionary: "Why's that?"

Braintree: "Cuz you're talking to the wrong guy."

Missionary: "We just want to help you. It can really help."

Braintree: "With what? My hangover?"

Missionary: "We want to help you get closer to Christ."

Braintree: "Well you're about 2000 years too late on that one. He's dead."

The guy followed me for nearly half a block while we said all this.

Now, don't get me wrong. I usually don't get any enjoyment out of being a wise ass to these guys, since they get shit on all day, everyday. But they really chose the wrong time to bother me. Or, I should say, their lord really chose the wrong time to send them to intervene.

Anyone else have any religious quips to share? I'm really interested in this today. Post your experiences with missionaries.

i usually hear them out

I used to hang out with some that lived in my apartment complex. Real nice guys but they really wanted to get through to me and my roommates. Some funny experiences with them for sure. One of the guys was really into massive attack.

My cousin, who's an archeologist, invited 2 Jehova's witnesses to his house, and heard them out, and gave them cookies and tea. Then he explained that he is archeologist, and he explained why he believed in carbon dating. He didn't dress it up, he simply put forward the modest evidence. A month later one of them sent him a letter thanking him for rescuing him from idiocy.

I haven't had the opportunity since I heard this story, but I think kindness is the best way to convert the buggers.

jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate christmas

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:21 AM, tht tne said:

jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate christmas

dum dum dum dum dum

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:40 AM, hautlle said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:21 AM, tht tne said:

jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate christmas

 

 

dum dum dum dum dum

 

you also can't give them gifts except at random times

I almost wanted to turn around and explain my view on religion.

I think religion shouldn't be a la carte. If you believe in one invisible being, then you have to believe in all of them.

So that includes god, jesus herbert christ, santa claus, the easter bunny, tooth fairy, Rumpelstiltskin, the keebler elves, etc.

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:43 AM, Braintree said:

I almost wanted to turn around and explain my view on religion.

 

I think religion shouldn't be a la carte. If you believe in one invisible being, then you have to believe in all of them.

 

So that includes god, jesus herbert christ, santa claus, the easter bunny, tooth fairy, Rumpelstiltskin, the keebler elves, etc.

that's interesting, could you expound on that?

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:44 AM, tht tne said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:43 AM, Braintree said:

I almost wanted to turn around and explain my view on religion.

 

I think religion shouldn't be a la carte. If you believe in one invisible being, then you have to believe in all of them.

 

So that includes god, jesus herbert christ, santa claus, the easter bunny, tooth fairy, Rumpelstiltskin, the keebler elves, etc.

 

that's interesting, could you expound on that?

Sure. I'll phrase it in the form of a question.

How can some people believe in something like an invisible, all-powerful being, and somehow think elves are ridiculous?

How is any one of those beliefs more important than another?

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:49 AM, Braintree said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:44 AM, tht tne said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:43 AM, Braintree said:

I almost wanted to turn around and explain my view on religion.

 

I think religion shouldn't be a la carte. If you believe in one invisible being, then you have to believe in all of them.

 

So that includes god, jesus herbert christ, santa claus, the easter bunny, tooth fairy, Rumpelstiltskin, the keebler elves, etc.

 

that's interesting, could you expound on that?

 

Sure. I'll phrase it in the form of a question.

 

How can some people believe in something like an invisible, all-powerful being, and somehow think elves are ridiculous?

 

How is any one of those beliefs more important than another?

yes but have you thought about the fact that whenever elves are documented they are always making cookies or shoes? at least jesus could build shit

Making cookies is hard work when they're roughly half your size.

I don't even want to think about making a shoe.

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:53 AM, Braintree said:

Making cookies is hard work when they're roughly half your size.

 

I don't even want to think about making a shoe.

you forgot about their sixteen powers

the last time I had missionaries or whatever knock on my door, it was an older man and a younger woman. why do they always operate in pairs? safety? anyway, the guy did all the talking. he asked me if I was a bible reader, and I said yes. he also asked me what I thought about all the wars and disasters happening in the world, and I said it was the same stuff that's always been going on. a little while later, he asks what I believed, and I told him I was an atheist. he said how unusual it was that I was a bible reader who was an atheist. he laid the watchmaker analogy on me, which I destroyed by pointing out that we know that watchmakers make watches, but there's no similar knowledge of gods making universes or people. he then tried to make a similar point about how complex a space shuttle is compared to the brain or something. he asked me if I had ever seen a space shuttle being made, and I told him that I had probably seen one being made on tv at one time or another. that was about when he said goodbye.

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:59 AM, nene multiple assgasms said:

the last time I had missionaries or whatever knock on my door, it was an older man and a younger woman. why do they always operate in pairs? safety? anyway, the guy did all the talking. he asked me if I was a bible reader, and I said yes. he also asked me what I thought about all the wars and disasters happening in the world, and I said it was the same stuff that's always been going on. a little while later, he asks what I believed, and I told him I was an atheist. he said how unusual it was that I was a bible reader who was an atheist. he laid the watchmaker analogy on me, which I destroyed by pointing out that we know that watchmakers make watches, but there's no similar knowledge of gods making universes or people. he then tried to make a similar point about how complex a space shuttle is compared to the brain or something. he asked me if I had ever seen a space shuttle being made, and I told him that I had probably seen one being made on tv at one time or another. that was about when he said goodbye.

pwn

Man, I haven't seen a gnome in fucking FOREVER.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

beak converted me to box goblinism

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:49 AM, Braintree said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:44 AM, tht tne said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:43 AM, Braintree said:

I almost wanted to turn around and explain my view on religion.

 

I think religion shouldn't be a la carte. If you believe in one invisible being, then you have to believe in all of them.

 

So that includes god, jesus herbert christ, santa claus, the easter bunny, tooth fairy, Rumpelstiltskin, the keebler elves, etc.

 

that's interesting, could you expound on that?

 

Sure. I'll phrase it in the form of a question.

 

How can some people believe in something like an invisible, all-powerful being, and somehow think elves are ridiculous?

 

How is any one of those beliefs more important than another?

dude.... elves are fucking real man.

  On 5/29/2011 at 6:33 AM, Bubba69 said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:49 AM, Braintree said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:44 AM, tht tne said:

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:43 AM, Braintree said:

I almost wanted to turn around and explain my view on religion.

 

I think religion shouldn't be a la carte. If you believe in one invisible being, then you have to believe in all of them.

 

So that includes god, jesus herbert christ, santa claus, the easter bunny, tooth fairy, Rumpelstiltskin, the keebler elves, etc.

 

that's interesting, could you expound on that?

 

Sure. I'll phrase it in the form of a question.

 

How can some people believe in something like an invisible, all-powerful being, and somehow think elves are ridiculous?

 

How is any one of those beliefs more important than another?

 

dude.... elves are fucking real man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLB_Zynijp0

door to door salesmen are perhaps more annoying.

Also their deals are unreal.

i was playing halo and getting my ass kicked pretty bad. some fat black chick rang the doorbell and asked me if i was king of the house. BAD TIMING

  On 5/29/2011 at 7:50 AM, hahathhat said:

i was playing halo and getting my ass kicked pretty bad. some fat black chick rang the doorbell and asked me if i was king of the house. BAD TIMING

  On 5/29/2011 at 4:20 AM, Root5 said:

My cousin, who's an archeologist, invited 2 Jehova's witnesses to his house, and heard them out, and gave them cookies and tea. Then he explained that he is archeologist, and he explained why he believed in carbon dating. He didn't dress it up, he simply put forward the modest evidence. A month later one of them sent him a letter thanking him for rescuing him from idiocy.

 

I haven't had the opportunity since I heard this story, but I think kindness is the best way to convert the buggers.

awesome.

I tell them "no thank you, have a nice day." Then I close the door and unpause the porn.