Foods that make you go #2

I'm trying to compile a list of foods that make you urgently have to go.

You know, Mexican, bran, coffee.

The more specific the better.

bananas do it for me, if on an empty stomach

I think green coconut milk/juice does it for me too

Cherries, Prunes.

pizza hut

japanese

japanese pizza hut

okisawa prune hut

Anything acid with milk

My parents' spaghetti sauce

Poutine

technically speaking, the only foods that don't make you go #2 are gummy bears and vicodin.

coffee and a cigarette

No food can make me do anything. I choose to #2 of my own free will. Feels good man.

lol

donatos

canned jalapenos 

i was going to ask what clogs people up. my diet hasn't really changed much in the past few years but last week i had two bad bouts with constipation. one of the battles (which i eventually won) had me stark naked grunting over my toilet as i passed what looked like a real fire hydrant that instantly clogged the toilet. it was horrible but hasn't happened since.

apples.

What was it that blocked you up, Jules?

Prunes, guaranteed

holy mother of god

look what I found

CATFISH

  On 7/22/2011 at 2:46 AM, jules said:

i was going to ask what clogs people up. my diet hasn't really changed much in the past few years but last week i had two bad bouts with constipation. one of the battles (which i eventually won) had me stark naked grunting over my toilet as i passed what looked like a real fire hydrant that instantly clogged the toilet. it was horrible but hasn't happened since.

i read one day that eating lots of fruit, like grapes causes diarrhea. it does this so effectively that it is recommended by doctors to people for relief from constipation.

i dunno, might be worth a shot.

  On 7/22/2011 at 3:53 AM, jefferoo said:

What was it that blocked you up, Jules?

I have no idea. I don't think I ate anything different. I eat fiber cereal every morning too. after work the other day, I came home, grabbed the paper and went for a nice quiet dump. halfway through the box scores I realized in was in for a rough go and then it occurred to me that I hadn't dropped a clip in 2 or 3 days. this was an epic struggle. I got up walked around, drank some water and then I really felt like I had a monkey tail. I ran awkwardly back to the bathroom, dropped down and nothing. it was peaking out like a turtle head but then would slide back in. I was sweating profusely as well and my hands were clammy on the side of the bowl. I didn't want to tear my sphincter or give myself a hernia. in the hysteria of this, I thought it would help to be naked. don't know why. still nothing. so I got dressed again and down some fiber drink. I was walking like I had been kicked in the balls and it felt like a bowling ball was resting on my colon. the next naked struggle involved audible grunting, panting, heavy breathing and a few seated double face palms. I straightened my back and soon I got this fire hydrant turd padt the point of no return. it eased itself into the bowl with such grace. I instantly felt lighter and thought of taking a photo but my thoughts quickly turned to wondering if I should somehow slice this meatloaf shaped bomb up somehow to facilitate an easier flush. I had no tools available so I took the chance and it stopped immediately. then I ate like 7 tacos for dinner.

  On 7/22/2011 at 5:22 AM, jules said:

  On 7/22/2011 at 3:53 AM, jefferoo said:

What was it that blocked you up, Jules?

 

I have no idea. I don't think I ate anything different. I eat fiber cereal every morning too. after work the other day, I came home, grabbed the paper and went for a nice quiet dump. halfway through the box scores I realized in was in for a rough go and then it occurred to me that I hadn't dropped a clip in 2 or 3 days. this was an epic struggle. I got up walked around, drank some water and then I really felt like I had a monkey tail. I ran awkwardly back to the bathroom, dropped down and nothing. it was peaking out like a turtle head but then would slide back in. I was sweating profusely as well and my hands were clammy on the side of the bowl. I didn't want to tear my sphincter or give myself a hernia. in the hysteria of this, I thought it would help to be naked. don't know why. still nothing. so I got dressed again and down some fiber drink. I was walking like I had been kicked in the balls and it felt like a bowling ball was resting on my colon. the next naked struggle involved audible grunting, panting, heavy breathing and a few seated double face palms. I straightened my back and soon I got this fire hydrant turd padt the point of no return. it eased itself into the bowl with such grace. I instantly felt lighter and thought of taking a photo but my thoughts quickly turned to wondering if I should somehow slice this meatloaf shaped bomb up somehow to facilitate an easier flush. I had no tools available so I took the chance and it stopped immediately. then I ate like 7 tacos for dinner.

Post of the week.

Last weekend I had a bit of an odd diet that was largely sidelined by heavy drinking. I think I dropped a duke on Friday morning, and went to the gym in the afternoon, then got whisked off on a drinking adventure unexpectedly and filled up with a cheese baguette from a petrol garage as a last minute attempt to save myself from the effects of all the special brews I was about to drink. I woke to some scrambled eggs and check my phone to see I'd dumped by text for something ridiculous so I had to trek across london to find my girlfriend and smooth it over, which quickly just turned into a heavy drinking session in the middle of the day after which I waddled off and got a train home. By the time I was back I was sobering up in a terrible way and I ate about a kilo of bean & chorizo stew and then drank a few beers to try and exclude the sobriety until the next day. The upshot of all this is that I had something immensely heavy and strangely spiky hanging around in my pelvis by Sunday. I ended up on the john for a long time just easing it out for fear of my sphincter simply giving out like the elastic in an old sock. It felt like I was remoulding it from a shape not unlike the ball on the end of a morning star into a more manageable smooth log. I was one minute leaning forward and half closing my eyes, the next minute sitting up straight stroking my chin and doing some complex mathematics to figure out how to tackle the next section. When she was loose she made no audible sound although I fancy perhaps that I heard a deep sub bass kerplunk and then a screeching sound as she slid recklessly down the porcelain, something like what I imagine a derailled train or a beaching submarine to sound like. The final part of this tale is that I had no toilet paper, but I was quite pleased not to have to put anything abrasive near my anus who I was thinking of in the revered terms of a war hero by that point.

I mean, erm, mango and pineapple makes me go number 2

  On 7/22/2011 at 6:28 AM, Sprigg said:

  On 7/22/2011 at 5:22 AM, jules said:

  On 7/22/2011 at 3:53 AM, jefferoo said:

What was it that blocked you up, Jules?

 

I have no idea. I don't think I ate anything different. I eat fiber cereal every morning too. after work the other day, I came home, grabbed the paper and went for a nice quiet dump. halfway through the box scores I realized in was in for a rough go and then it occurred to me that I hadn't dropped a clip in 2 or 3 days. this was an epic struggle. I got up walked around, drank some water and then I really felt like I had a monkey tail. I ran awkwardly back to the bathroom, dropped down and nothing. it was peaking out like a turtle head but then would slide back in. I was sweating profusely as well and my hands were clammy on the side of the bowl. I didn't want to tear my sphincter or give myself a hernia. in the hysteria of this, I thought it would help to be naked. don't know why. still nothing. so I got dressed again and down some fiber drink. I was walking like I had been kicked in the balls and it felt like a bowling ball was resting on my colon. the next naked struggle involved audible grunting, panting, heavy breathing and a few seated double face palms. I straightened my back and soon I got this fire hydrant turd padt the point of no return. it eased itself into the bowl with such grace. I instantly felt lighter and thought of taking a photo but my thoughts quickly turned to wondering if I should somehow slice this meatloaf shaped bomb up somehow to facilitate an easier flush. I had no tools available so I took the chance and it stopped immediately. then I ate like 7 tacos for dinner.

 

Post of the week.

I seriously laughed so hard that I cried. I had to stop reading several times so that I could breathe. It actually hurt my throat to laugh that hard.

I made a sound like my wheezy, fat dad.

Your shit ended up clogging my throat, in addition to your toilet.