UK citizenship test

  On 8/23/2011 at 5:30 AM, Caretstik said:

The Australian WATMMers seem like really nice people, and post a lot of funny and interesting stuff here. Fuck me, I'd love to visit Australia if it wasn't for my fear of the heat and it being such a costly trip.

i agree. Australian's are often really nice people (not talking specifically about on the forum, tho i agree, but i mean irl).

UKer's, mostly, are not generally very nice people, unless we have a really good reason to be :)

i have family over in Oz - just 'fyi' - 2 Uncles and an Aunt and a bunch of cousins. they love it over there.

1 of my Uncles went over there in the 60's, i think, as a "10 pound pom", as they were known.

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 12 out of 24 (50%)

Time taken: 14 minutes 29 seconds

Some of these questions were ridiculous. What's the worst that could happen if someone enters the UK who doesn't know if 'Ulster Scots is a dialect which is spoken in Northern Ireland'?

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 13 out of 24 (54%)

Time taken: 05 minutes 49 seconds

8 correct, 33%.

What does any of this have to do with living in the UK? Seems like a load of

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 12 out of 24 (50%)

Time taken: 06 minutes 29 seconds

Lets come up with some more realistic questions:

If you're in a pub and a stranger comes up and motions at an empty seat next to you, what does it mean?

- they want to sit there

- they want to take the seat somewhere else and sit on it

- they like the workmanship of the seat

- they want you to sit on the seat and receive a head massage

Outside of London, where can you get a pint of milk after 1am?

- at the post office

- at the local petrol station

- via a call-out milkman

- by knocking on a neighbours door

Being completely and totally drunk is considered normal practice in which of the following situations:

(tick all that apply)

- on public transport

- at any social gathering

- at home on your own

- in the town centre with 15 same-sex friends

- on holiday in any location

edit: changed milk question from 9am to 1am, due to beyond-zone-6 complaints.

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:00 AM, zazen said:

Lets come up with some more realistic questions:

 

 

If you're in a pub and a stranger comes up and motions at an empty seat next to you, what does it mean?

- they want to sit there

- they want to take the seat somewhere else and sit on it

- they like the workmanship of the seat

- they want you to sit on the seat and receive a head massage

 

Outside of London, where can you get a pint of milk after 9pm?

- at the post office

- at the local petrol station

- via a call-out milkman

- by knocking on a neighbours door

 

Being completely and totally drunk is considered normal practice in which of the following situations:

(tick all that apply)

- on public transport

- at any social gathering

- at home on your own

- in the town centre with 15 same-sex friends

- on holiday in any location

are you really from the UK?

if so, you should know that there are such things as 24hr supermarkets and other various 'mini-mart' types of places open til 11pm, outside of London...?

i'm guessing you live in London and haven't often been outside of there...

we are all incestuous bastards with 6 fingers, 9 toes, 3 eyes and 3 ears, outside of London, tho. this is an actual fact.

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:11 AM, sirch said:

are you really from the UK?

if so, you should know that there are such things as 24hr supermarkets and other various 'mini-mart' types of places open til 11pm, outside of London...?

i'm guessing you live in London and haven't often been outside of there...

we are all incestuous bastards with 6 fingers, 9 toes, 3 eyes and 3 ears, outside of London, tho. this is an actual fact.

haha, sorry, i was thinking of one specific place outside of London.

But yeah, being a Londoner I basically think of anywhere outside of zone 6 as being a strange place where people wear strange clothes, talk funny, and seem far too homogenous.

I'll edit the question and change it to 1am. ; )

yea even villages have co-op, open until 10 pm!

there's 24 hr corner shop 1 min walk from me. not london.

anyway, i got 8.

which of the following is part of a Full English Breakfast?

a. Krakowska

b. Banger

c. Liverwurst

d. Lap cheong

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:25 AM, zazen said:

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:11 AM, sirch said:

are you really from the UK?

if so, you should know that there are such things as 24hr supermarkets and other various 'mini-mart' types of places open til 11pm, outside of London...?

i'm guessing you live in London and haven't often been outside of there...

we are all incestuous bastards with 6 fingers, 9 toes, 3 eyes and 3 ears, outside of London, tho. this is an actual fact.

 

haha, sorry, i was thinking of one specific place outside of London.

But yeah, being a Londoner I basically think of anywhere outside of zone 6 as being a strange place where people wear strange clothes, talk funny, and seem far too homogenous.

I'll edit the question and change it to 1am. ; )

how did you edit that, 26mins later? i thought you only got like 3mins or sumthin daft...

nice one for the edit, tho lol

out in the proper sticks you're probably right, you probably would have to go knock on a neighbours door for a pint of milk.. or walk 5 miles to the nearest garage...

edit: but yeah, like tauboo says, even villages and small towns have places open til 10 or 11pm, at least...

this is 2011, man! not 1951 !! ;)

or if you drive go to the nearest 24hr tesco, unlikely to be more than 5 miles from anywhere in the countryside

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:37 AM, tauboo said:

or if you drive go to the nearest 24hr tesco, unlikely to be more than 5 miles from anywhere in the countryside

would take ages to get there on the Tracktor tho wouldn't it...

no because a more direct route is possible

thank god i drive otherwise it would be a 30 min walk to the nearest Tesco Express... or heaven forbid i'd have to knock on one of my neighbours doors and actually speak to them. - another UK trait.

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 11 out of 24 (46%)

luckily i aint ever coming back

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:42 AM, tauboo said:

no because a more direct route is possible

lol

but you have to dodge all the sleeping cows and sheep when you go that way

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:33 AM, sirch said:

out in the proper sticks you're probably right, you probably would have to go knock on a neighbours door for a pint of milk.. or walk 5 miles to the nearest garage...

 

WHat !! Is there a curfew on driving cars after 23:00.

;-p

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:37 AM, tauboo said:

or if you drive go to the nearest 24hr tesco, unlikely to be more than 5 miles from anywhere in the countryside

ANd your supermarkets sell booze don't they. That's just beautiful.

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:42 AM, tauboo said:

no because a more direct route is possible

hah

  On 8/24/2011 at 1:29 AM, delet... said:

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:33 AM, sirch said:

out in the proper sticks you're probably right, you probably would have to go knock on a neighbours door for a pint of milk.. or walk 5 miles to the nearest garage...

 

 

WHat !! Is there a curfew on driving cars after 23:00.

 

;-p

 

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:37 AM, tauboo said:

or if you drive go to the nearest 24hr tesco, unlikely to be more than 5 miles from anywhere in the countryside

 

ANd your supermarkets sell booze don't they. That's just beautiful.

 

  On 8/24/2011 at 12:42 AM, tauboo said:

no because a more direct route is possible

 

hah

yes. and everyone must be in bed and lights out by 12 midnight.

we wouldn't be Great Britain if we didn't get our 8 hours now would we!

..and yeah most supermarkets sell booze here, 24hrs, 'cept on Sundays.

A shop assistant hands the change to a female customer and says 'There you go, mate'. He is:

A) Telling her forcefully to get out of the shop

B) Soliciting sex from her

C) Has confused her for a man

D) Unmarried

E) B, C, and D

Fuck me, I was born in England, and spent the most of my 20's there and this was my result:

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 8 out of 24 (33%)

Time taken: 04 minutes 08 seconds

They'll never let me back in X_X

  On 8/24/2011 at 1:36 AM, Coalbucket PI said:

A shop assistant hands the change to a female customer and says 'There you go, mate'. He is:

 

A) Telling her forcefully to get out of the shop

B) Soliciting sex from her

C) Has confused her for a man

D) Unmarried

E) B, C, and D

I had a customer tell me the other day, an older lady, that she wasn't a 'mate'. I ignored the comment but proceeded from then on to use the identifier 'maam'. I was so fucking helpful (as usual), that she quickly got over her little turn at playing princess ninnie.

Also, the answer would be D. heh.