I want to quit the band I'm in.

sexual chocolates!

Tell them you've converted to christianity

Choke on your own vomit and die. This has the added advantage of also ruining the band forever to make sure they don't become famous without you.

I played keys for a guy that sounds like this, back in my jesus freak days. He was egocentric, like a divine gift to poets or some shit. He wrote unprofound garbage, mostly, and his voice was obnoxious. He'd discuss how serious he was about the band, and how he felt we were all totally awesome as a group. Complimented the shit out of how I played the organ, like a retarded monkey can't move a mod wheel to change the rotary speed, pfft.

I just stopped going to those shitty practice sessions with those rock-influenced country pricks. I hope he got his sister pregnant.

Your time is precious, don't wait any longer. Do it right now.

  On 2/4/2012 at 3:27 AM, jefferoo said:

Anyway, we've been practicing for a few months now and the guitarist just booked our first show for next week.

This right here should tell you that you need to join a different band. Based on this fact alone, I would guess that the lot of you aren't too motivated. Get involved with a band that's serious. Serious bands play shows, no matter how awful you might be due to lack of practice. If you're serious just get out there and play shows. Play. Play. Play.

Other problems aside, you need to surround yourself with people who are interested in promoting themselves and working hard towards meeting goals. It will do you well to be with other people who are passionate about being the best they can. To stay in your old/current band would be like being an reformed alcoholic trying to hang out with his old drinking buddies at the bar and expecting not slip back into drinking. You should not hang out with other people who are going to reinforce or enable your unwanted behaviors.

  On 2/4/2012 at 4:17 AM, jefferoo said:

I should take off my clothes and start masturbating

  On 2/4/2012 at 3:27 AM, jefferoo said:

and shoot a snot-rocket of jizz on the crowd

If convincing them they are dead/dying on acid (for an eternity) doesn't work, your back up plans sound pretty good.

just start playing dnb beats and wait for them to kick you out

  On 2/4/2012 at 8:48 AM, thanks robert moses said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwrJVhB2LzE

Damn... I'm still lolling! I watched it about 4 times laughing everytime!

ROCK N' ROLL!

YOU'RE A FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!

I wish I was there to see that!

LOL

  On 2/4/2012 at 8:48 AM, thanks robert moses said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwrJVhB2LzE

fucking lol!!!!

  On 2/4/2012 at 6:05 AM, gmanyo said:

Choke on your own vomit and die. This has the added advantage of also ruining the band forever to make sure they don't become famous without you.

Well put. You are a genius.

Anyway, I didn't quit tonight. When he started tripping, I told him he was going to die and he just laughed. Later, I told him that he "looked really fucked up". He took me seriously and he got a really fearful look on his face. It was actually easier to deal with him when he was on LSD. I hope he does it all of the time from now on.

He and the bass player wanted to rehearse a "live jam" for the show and I put my foot down and said that sort of thing turned me off and that I thought it was "cheesedick". We had a debate about what was "cheesedick" about it. They were trying to convince me how cool it was. I just don't see it. I like it when bands like My Morning Jacket jam out parts of their songs for an extended amount of time, I just don't want to pull shit out of my ass in front of people on stage and hope all goes well. That sort of thing really annoys me when I see it at some local show. It makes me want to walk out. I told them that.

I'll quit after the show, or on stage, depending how the show goes.

I'll do it exactly like in the video, but by throwing my drums offstage.

Re-string his guitar with razor wire so that he cuts himself real bad. Then he can't even play.

  On 2/4/2012 at 10:18 AM, jefferoo said:

Well put. You are a genius.

Thanks, I try.

  On 2/4/2012 at 10:18 AM, jefferoo said:

I'll quit after the show, or on stage, depending how the show goes.

 

I'll do it exactly like in the video, but by throwing my drums offstage.

If you care about these people as friends, I don't suggest the latter. If you don't care about these people as friends, it might be funnier and less angst-ey to solo out instead; just start doing your own solo, right in the middle of the song. Make it as crazy as possible. At the end, stand on your seat, do a victory pose, then jump into the crowd. Then wake up in a hospital because nobody caught you.

tell them that your wands have switched allegiance and no longer serve you.

Tell them that you can't remember which drumstick goes in which hand and you can no longer play due to your debilitating ultra-specific amnesia.

  On 2/4/2012 at 10:18 AM, jefferoo said:

I'll quit after the show, or on stage, depending how the show goes.

I was in a band with a total asshole of a guitarrist, up until recently. He was a compulsive liar, had delusions of grandeur and looked like Homer Simpson. He played with 20+ pedals, and was trying to steer the band into some god-awful emo Paramore garbage. The other people were fun to be with and good musicians, but I couldn't even stand the sight of him. Anyway, it ended well because half the band didn't want to be making that kind of music so we split up amicably. Now I'm starting side projects with the people I did like from the band. The main thing about making the split up go down well is to make sure it doesn't get perceived as a personal thing against someone else. Even if that's 100% a fact: there's a lot of drama and shit talking behind people's backs in bands, above all else I'd avoid that.

If you already don't care enough, then yeah, walk off the stage during the gig if it's tanking.

just show up to the next rehearsal in black metal corpse paint and insist that the band practice this song.

  On 2/4/2012 at 11:13 AM, kokeboka said:

If you already don't care enough, then yeah, walk off the stage during the gig if it's tanking.

That wouldn't work too well if you have your drumset up on stage, would it? Why not organize a sit-down with the band and be adults/Oprah about the situation.

That sucks man.... There's always going to be some slight tensions and apprehensions but if you're plain not enjoying it get out. From being in a band at the moment that is going really well and the complete opposite, we are all good friends, the guitarist and me have played for years together, and it's great to be in a band when everyone is on the same page, bouncing ideas off eachother, every song written as the four of us, at least I hope everyone feels the same as me. Last gig was a great turn out and a mixture of structured songs that have space to jam in but not utterly dependent on jamming..... now the band has taken off my solo electronic stuff just doesn't cut that same feeling of loving it with friends and playing gigs and not sitting behind a laptop.

Find a good band and be happy, happy music pays off, even if it's making sad music! And even if it's shit and no one listens, at least your happy making it!!

Band below :)

http://soundcloud.com/groblar/bubblebaths-kill

just tell the main guy you think he's a total fucking idiot and leave. how hard do you want to make it?

  On 2/4/2012 at 10:41 AM, Plum said:

tell them that your wands have switched allegiance and no longer serve you.

also lol

  On 2/4/2012 at 3:54 AM, Luke Fucking Hazard said:

attach yourself with a cord & holster to a crane and as you're playing slowly be lifted from your seat and away from them without explanation.

Im still reading through this thread but Luke I solidly LOLed in real life for about 3 minutes when I read this. Fucking well done.

if they are hellbent on doing improv, you c ould at least delay the argument by saying its cmmon sense to see how well you attune to live performances before you start whipping out the crazy intricate solos. If they can't take a solid riff from your band, they prolly ain't gonna wanna listen to your less structured pick-wank either.