I am powerless over shit and my anus has become unmanagable

I got 99 shits but a solid stool ain't one.

I need help, I've been sharting water now for 24 hours, I need an anti-laxative solution right now and I don't know what to do. Any tips for a feces hardening remedy? Is there such a quick fix?

Help WATMM.

Eat more fruits and vegetables? Prunes in particular might help.

  On 7/15/2012 at 7:06 AM, ambermonk said:

Prunes in particular might help.

absolutely not this

  On 7/15/2012 at 7:06 AM, verticalhold said:

  On 7/15/2012 at 7:06 AM, ambermonk said:

Prunes in particular might help.

 

absolutely not this

Got a better suggestion?

I will do absolutely anything, if I have to stand on my head and drink my own spunk to overcome this vile plague I'll do it

prunes are high in insoluble fiber which I believe would soften your stools?

george, it sounds bad. you might want to try Imodium (Loperamide)

Actually bananas, dairy products, or peanut butter might be a better alternative to prunes.

Take shits in a freezer.

yeah Immodium and toast I'd say

BREAD. Dude eat lots of bread it will bung you up like a humourless analogy

peanut butter sandwiches actually. They are great for that.

And hey, have some corn chips too.

Everyone likes corn chips

Come to think of it, an Elvis sandwich seems like a good remedy (recipe here: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2011/01/elvis-sandwich-peanut-butter-banana-bacon.html)

well I guess I can say what I'm about to say because this thread is nonsense: fucking Silent Hill fucking moth nobody told me I needed to save ammo to kill that fucker shit!!! now I'm gonna play again and FUCK MONSTERS, I won't kill them

I'll second the bananas.

Cheese. It constipates, which is something useful in a predicament such as yours.

cherry pie

Drink lots of water or you'll start to look and feel like ET in that quarantine scene.

Disregard my prunes suggestion earlier.

for me personally, just straight up beans, refried, chickpeas, or black beans... backs up my shit for a few days.

antibiotics

Take a viagra, that'll get your shit hard.

For me regular white pasta, white rice, the aforementioned cheese and dairy... Really any foods that are processed and contain very little dietary fibre (read the labels) will constipate me instantly. Eat them in large quantities!

Also, drinking LESS water should help in this case.

  On 7/15/2012 at 9:59 AM, autopilot said:

Take a viagra, that'll get your shit hard.

Alright, thanks for the reply guys, I've just eaten 2 cheese toasties against mine and my stomachs will, it seemed to push out what was lurking and now I appear to be settled, my stomach feels better and so does my arse. I've just been to the shop and bought some Immodium so will take one now! Why couldn't I find Immodium as an anti-diarrhea solution on Google earlier? It's the first time Google has failed me!

Thanks again

  On 7/15/2012 at 7:53 AM, logakght said:

well I guess I can say what I'm about to say because this thread is nonsense: fucking Silent Hill fucking moth nobody told me I needed to save ammo to kill that fucker shit!!! now I'm gonna play again and FUCK MONSTERS, I won't kill them

Yeah that giant moth fucked me too, I ended restarting the game on easy.

Stupid question perhaps, but why take medicine when things are turning back to normal again? Let your body figure it out for itself. Was it something you ate, btw?

Good point dude, alas too late. Now I'll probably be mega-const for the next week. I honestly have no idea, I think it may be a virus as my head has been pounding, temperature fluctuating and feeling very sick.