Puking

Related: I've always wanted to organize a simultaneous group-spew into a megaphone on a roof downtown. If you're in the greater Seattle area and like to puke, PM me

Oh man. Today for breakfast, I ate some leftover steak too fast and it got stuck in my gullett. This has happened to me a few times before. It basically corked itself inside my gut and everthing I swallowed came back up. It didn't pass for like a half hour.

Even the spit I swallowed ended up comming back up, and when it did, it looke like 8-10 raw egg whites sliding out of my mouth. I just hung my head in the sink with the garbage disposal on and puked down the drain like 10 times.

I gotta get this shit checked out.

The worst was one time I was at work and was STARVING, so when the lunch order of mediterranean food came, I scarfed it down super fast, it got stuck and I took a sip of sprite which basically made a fizzy volcano fountain shoot out of my face. Luckily, no one noticed.

  On 1/2/2013 at 9:26 AM, lumpenprol said:

Huzzah for bowel anarchy!

I had something like this recently and the only thing that calmed it down was yogurt. Try something probiotic. Hope you feel better.

  On 1/3/2013 at 4:33 AM, jefferoo said:

I scarfed it down super fast, it got stuck and I took a sip of sprite which basically made a fizzy volcano fountain shoot out of my face. Luckily, no one noticed.

Sorry but this made me lol uncontlollably

also food isn't supposed to "get stuck" if you eat too fast, wtf is that?

One time I was working at a movie theater and I had pizza in the back room behind the concessions. I took a bite of the pizza and a pepperoni got lodged in my throat. My body immediately reacted by forcing me to start puking. So I puked in the trashcan and went back out to work. End.

I ordered Salmon New Orleans at Red Lobster once.

NEVER AGAIN

I think Red Lobster's singular purpose on the earth is to give people food poisoning.

jefferoo bodily fluid posts/threads are always lols

i once wrote a really long post describing my run-in with food poisoning....and it wasn't nice by any means....i even tried to dress it up because in hindsight, the experience was pretty epic (even though i almost died from it)

ok, found it.....this is my experience with food poisoning.

  On 6/16/2012 at 1:00 AM, Smettingham Rutherford IV said:

the most major one I can remember was food poisoning.

I spent most of the night projectile vomiting, ruining my bed, many of my textbooks and my laptop. I then managed to crawl to the bathroom to shit out what looked like a pinkish sludge of diarrhea and blood. I then began to develop intense feverish symptoms, to the point where if I raised my head for more than ten seconds I would vomit. I laid my head and body onto the cold cooling tiles of the bathroom floor, praying that this was just some sort of fluke. I managed to hoist myself up for another round of projectile vomiting, luckily this time into the toilet. I then somehow (I don't even remember how I did this) managed to shit another round of pink goo into the toilet before collapsing against the side of the bathroom.

At this point I was hovering in and out of consciousness. I yelled for my roommate for help, to call somebody, to drive me to a hospital, anything. I received no response except for the jarring tinnitic silence of the void that was our apartment in the dead autumn heat. I suddenly felt the need to vomit again, but remembering the breathing techniques I had learned to stop vomitus when I had drank one too many, I closed my eyes and could feel nothing but the turning of my stomach, and the clammy cold sweat pouring down my face, my back now sticking to the bathroom tiles. I told myself that I could die, that I didn't have the strength to get out my door, much less drive myself to a hospital. I needed to order my body to stop destroying itself. Nothing but blackness and the gurgling of my loins....breathe in, breathe out...

As I start to feel some success was to be had with the urging to ralph, I suddenly felt the urge to shit again....but much worse than before. It was as if my body had diverted all the vomitus in the mouth and immediately directed it towards the only other orifice it could escape from. This had to be purged from my body at all costs, and my brain could not tell it to stop. The brief instance of panic that accompanied this feeling was just as quickly interrupted by a stream of frothy dark red vomit forcing my jaws open. My body sensed my brain's moment of weakness, and told the bile to surge forth harder and stronger than I had ever experienced. My bathroom and my own body now doused in blood red vomit, I wanted to die. I wanted to cry, how miserable a human being must be to be lying in his own putrified waste, unable to even move his wretched carcass from his filth. At this point I had envied even the weakest of the nursing home population.

But, yet again I knew that my body was redirecting for one more final push out of my anus. I couldn't let this happen. Again, I cannot remember the specific circumstances, but I somehow engaged in a superhuman act of defiance, not only against this debilitating sickness, but against my own dehydrated, confused, and stalling corpus. I'm not shitting all over myself. Not today. Somehow I manage to put all of my strength into my arms, and HEAVE........Goddamn Im not even out of the bathroom yet....HEAVE....As I felt my strength sap itself all the more, I simultaneously experienced the disgusting sensory privilege of having my own sick rub up against my now mostly naked body, as I squirmed and writhed in determined yet pathetic pangs of pain....HEAVE....

I finally made it to the side of my bed. Clambering around hopelessly in the dark, I somehow manage to knock the phone off of my bedside table. It's still charged....holy shit SR4, you might be able to get out of this yet. I vaguely remember trying to mount some sort of victory cry, but it probably came out like a confused, muted whimper, something like the victim in Guinea Pig 2 would make towards the end of her seemingly infinite series of mutilations. I manage to turn the phone on and call 911. Success! The ambulance would be on its way in minutes! But there was a catch. I had to get to the front door to open it.

At this point I had realized my roommate was either not in the apartment, or had drank himself into a comatose stupor. I had to make the journey over to the front of the apartment by myself. This is it, I said to myself, knowing that only the most stubborn bastards ever survive the darkest, most hellish recesses of existence because they are willing to endure despite all of it.....HEAVE......I'm almost into the kitchen...HEAVE...I'm on a Vietnam battlefield. I'm in the middle of D-Day. They've shot my legs off...but they won't get the rest of me. As I use the last of my strength to unlock the front door, I feel my bowels start to give way...the beginnings of those apocalyptic rectal spasms. I collapse as I hear the distant wailing of an ambulance siren.

I wake up in the hospital ER seven hours later. My mouth is thick with the taste of vomit, my mucus has the texture of gritty Jell-O, so thick it couldn't be spit out. Water. I need water. I blindly grab around, still not completely in my senses, until a nurse comes in and tells me about my journey. It has been a while, but AFAIK, I had lost an incredibly large amount of blood and water, and was in some sort of shock when they found me by my front door, half-naked, saturated in the Nicaraguan guerilla-paintstreaks of shit and bloody vomit. I had to stay in the ER for at least 24 hours while they intravenously hydrate me and try to evacuate whatever parts of the virus were left. I wasn't allowed to drink any water for another 10 hours. The nurse said from what information the paramedics learned, there was a chance that I might have died overnight.

Eventually they let me go home. I must have looked completely disoriented, disheveled, smelled worse than a street urchin with an impulsive masturbation disorder. As my girlfriend picked me up, she turned to me, stared at the humiliated wretch before her, and asked what had happened.

Not now, I said. Confused, she eventually nodded and assumed I was too tired to tell the tale. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." And she was right. Up until now, there wasn't a need to talk about it. I had lived through hell. I had cheated death.

How could you expect another human being to understand the struggle of which you had just undertaken and survived?

I wasn't in the mood for trifling, mundane storytelling. I just wanted a damn Powerade.


*DIsclaimer:The preceding rant is a partially dramatized version of a real event. It really did suck that bad.*

Once I went to a gaybar, all they had was fruity cactus guava drank. At the next bar I sat outside talking to beautiful girl. Pretty soon I am crawling under the railing (fastest exit). I am poised long enough to walk past the public hot dog stand. Behind the green porta-potty I barf 20+ liters of liquor for nearly an hour. That shit multiplies once it's inside you. It sucks all the water, blood, and other moisture out of your organs and turns it all into gay soda.

I also have a funny story about vamos. It involves him waking up with his head sitting in a trash can, pee in his pants, and vomit was surely everywhere. Same event - I spent 4 hours puking into a toilet. I was joined by 5+ other people throughout the night. Some of them vomiting with me in the bowl, some of them in the sink next to me.

lumpy sounds like you need a poop transplant

jefferoo, do you get acid reflux aciiiiiid rephlux a lot?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiatus_hernia

By the way, the new Superman movie is going to awesome

strange, i keep having dreams that i have violent diarrhea

  On 1/4/2013 at 8:49 PM, baph said:

jefferoo, do you get acid reflux aciiiiiid rephlux a lot?

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiatus_hernia

As a matter of fact, I do.

The hiatus hernia thing might explain some of the problems with swallerin' + GERD symptoms

You might want to get it checked out. They usually aren't too much of a big deal, even if it is one, I hear

According to the wiki article, you can get one from poopin' too hard

Thanks for the concern!

My lower esophageal sphincter thanks you, as well ;)

If this was the old watmm I'd be able to post the panorama iphone pic I took of my anus, perineum, balls and frenulum after I flu induced shat myself in bed the other night, but no, joyrex wants to spoil everyone's fun.

  On 1/5/2013 at 1:37 AM, kakapo said:

If this was the old watmm I'd be able to post the panorama iphone pic I took of my anus, perineum, balls and frenulum after I flu induced shat myself in bed the other night, but no, joyrex wants to spoil everyone's fun.

if anything joyrex should emphasize with you.

  On 1/5/2013 at 1:49 AM, yek said:

  On 1/5/2013 at 1:37 AM, kakapo said:

If this was the old watmm I'd be able to post the panorama iphone pic I took of my anus, perineum, balls and frenulum after I flu induced shat myself in bed the other night, but no, joyrex wants to spoil everyone's fun.

 

 

if anything joyrex should empathize with you.

ftfy. Although if he wants to emphasize my perineum that's ok with me.

my bad.

  On 1/5/2013 at 2:05 AM, kakapo said:

  On 1/5/2013 at 1:49 AM, yek said:

  On 1/5/2013 at 1:37 AM, kakapo said:

If this was the old watmm I'd be able to post the panorama iphone pic I took of my anus, perineum, balls and frenulum after I flu induced shat myself in bed the other night, but no, joyrex wants to spoil everyone's fun.

 

 

if anything joyrex should empathize with you.

 

ftfy. Although if he wants to emphasize my perineum that's ok with me.

Hi, did someone need their perineum emphasized? Hope I'm not too late! *catches breath

  On 1/4/2013 at 8:43 PM, Hoodie said:

lumpy sounds like you need a poop transplant

))<>(( ?